Is my poem alright?

Ok so, please, no judging, i'm only 14 and writing calms me down so I wrote this poem. Obviously it needs work, and my vocabulary needs extending, but I just need opinions if its ok, at least so far.

A kingdom with light that gently leaks through the surface.
A vast, new world seen by very few eyes.
Like an enchanted forest, its beauty reaches all.
Although, this is not like any other forest-For it is a forest of colors.
Bright, vibrant, dancing colors.
An unknown territory, waiting to be explored.
A mysterious jewel, a diamond in the rough.
It houses ancient palaces with never before seen life.
It wraps our bodies in its surreal beauties and its presence.
Aside its crystal, rough appearance, once you enter this whole new world, it's gentleness and kindness reaches you.

I'm not so happy with it, its about the ocean if you couldn't tell, I really need practice with writing, this was more of a practice poem I guess.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You definitely have your way with words!
    However at some point I have feeling that it misses the point.
    You can't really realize that it is an ocean in the end.
    Its like, there are many nice words out in there but when you put them all together you don't really have clear form.
    I think that poem should answer some questions. What? Where? Why?
    You mostly did answer them, but its like you focused to much on fancy phrases than on actual point of poem (which is describing an ocean). In the end you should've given some hint its ocean. So its like its not finished.

    But its really impressive anyway! Just keep writing, you are really talented!

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    • Thank you. Ya, I think I have the key pieces for my poem, but in the end I have trouble fitting them all together.
      But I don't know, what i'm trying to get across to people in poems I write is not just describing something, but describing its beauty and other worldly elements.
      But you're so right! I do focus too much on fancy phrases, and at some times i'm pretty sure I don't even have a clear understanding on how to use them.
      I think I need to practice the base of righting poems before I bring in all the complex phrases and metaphors to make it more professional, because after all, i'm definitely not there yet!
      Once again, thanks you helped me get a better understanding :)

    • I'm glad i helped you, and if you ever need some advice or if you write something you want to share, feel free to message me :)

    • Thank you will do ^^

What Guys Said 4

  • 4th line breaks the flow and their are no rhymes, which isn't necessary in a poem but I personally think they help. I know that on deviantart. com they do have tutorials by some good writers and poets and that might help you with your own work. Then when your happy with it you could post it their to see what they think.

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    • Well the poems I right don't really have rhymes.

  • I like it. Keep writting and write how you want. This may seem cliche but have you heard of charles bukowski.

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  • I'm not sure what to tell you. You ask if it's alright but you don't want judging. That doesn't leave much room for opinions.

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    • Oh well not like, "Oh its crap, stop writing"
      Like i'd like opinions on it because i'd like as much advice as I can get...
      I love writing, I used to be excellent at it, but the last time I wrote was 5 years ago, so I lost some of my talent...
      If you think its bad, its fine, please just tell me what mistakes I made or what I can do to make it better

  • Yeah it seems alright

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What Girls Said 1

  • Dayum. That's better than the crap I write. English is my WORST subject at school so yeah... This poem is awesome. :D

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    • Aww thank you, but I have a long way to go.
      Trust me, we all have our talents, and well, the things we aren't the best at.
      I am horrible at geography!! And I feel like I have the knowledge of a 3 year old when it comes to it.
      I bet you're really talented in a bunch of other things, and you could be so talented in English , if thats what you want to master.
      I guess i'm above average in writing and English because I really like it.
      And thank you so much again :)

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