High School: Be yourself or copy other girls?

So, I'll be starting high school in September (in Istanbul, Turkey) and I wanted to ask this question.
If you don't have time to read details, skip to the bottom.

For all my life, I was known as the weird one in school. It was same even in elementary school where I had a racist phase. When I grew up and started thinking before talking, it got worse, because at this point, my opinions differ dramatically from those of other Turkish people. Older Turks (+18) don't agree with me and other teens have no clue what I'm talking about. For example, I recognize the Armenian Genocide when it's almost illegal. Elders deny it and teens don't know what it is. No one speaks English , which is why I have a hard time speaking. They don't have opinions about anything—sexuality, politics, human rights. I had girls running away from me with the mention of sex ed. I thought that one girl was going to drop dead when I told her I was bi.

So, the question is: should I play it dumb in high school, trying to fit in and make friends, pretending to be interested in clothing and boys, or should I be myself? I want to be myself, but myself drives people away and I don't want to be alone for four years.

  • Conceal, don't feel
    26% (19)33% (11)29% (30)Vote
  • Let it go
    74% (53)67% (22)71% (75)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Really need answers with this one...

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I can confidently say that I'm going to be the one that understands you the best. I'm a Turkish girl living in Canada. And I completelllyyy understand you when you say how you feel so out of place. Its almost as though girls there are fabricated, they're all the same! In terms of you being bi, I do suggest that you keep that within you because 1. it's not super relevant information, and 2. it IS a Muslim country and naturally Turks won't look at it in a positive way. However, in terms of the way you do you on a daily basis, or the way you dress, stay unique!!! At first you will find that people will grill you a lot (my God they do that a lot its annoying) but after awhile, TRUST ME, there will be one or two chicks who will try to be like you, especially if your style is nice. And in terms of the Armenian Genocide, I also dont agree with you (lol) but here, in Canada, you learn to accept people who have other opinions. IN Turkey? Lol no. People are tooooo similar to have a diversity of opinions. Have your opinions and dont be scare to voice them. But dont go too far with them because you neverr know what my people will do -.- But hey! If you need help with anything else, let me know :) Glad to help!! P. S I can also speak Turkish if thats something you're struggling with as well

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    • After 3 years, I think I'm pretty comfortable with English . Actually, my personality mainly developed speaking English , so I feel awkward talking about stuff like this in Turkish.

      Exactly. Everyone thinks the same, everyone acts the same, and they categorize everyone.

      I just kinda wish I could be able to find a girlfriend and not get shit about it. My family isn't violent, thry just can't wrap their minds around it.

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    • loool wooww dammnn good for youuu!! it'll be useful in the future!!!

    • ☺️☺️☺️☺️

What Guys Said 20

  • You sound like a smart girl. Your peers seem to be kind of stupid. It wasn't any different for me in high school : I'd expected to make many new friends but it didn't work out because they were all so damn stupid and called mundane things their "interests" , things nobody actually cares about or which are every day business, like shopping or who has the latest cellphone or the prettiest purse.

    I bet and almost guarantee that you won'T make friends with any of them. Don't be sad though : Your life will get much much better after high school, especially at university, people will be more mature then too. So, better play stupid to not stand out and get bullied...

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  • There's a saying, "Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken."
    You will find a core of friends who will appreciate you for who you are.

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    • (smiling)
      Oscar Wilde said that.
      I totally agree!!!

    • I like Oscar Wilde! Sex and Punishment ends with his sodomy trial.

  • I don't know Turkey at all, but you sound like many bright kids in small towns in the IS. It might be best for you to politely keep your opinions to yourself for a while, then if possible go to University in the west. There you will find many friends.

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  • Be your own trend and people will follow you

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  • First of all I am weird too there is nothing wrong with it humans male or female tend to respond to people who display a lot of confidence and always speaks out most of them will respect you and don't back down either when you talk remain with a firm posture and don't let anyone try and intimidate you. You especially shouldn't try to take any crap from Turks look at them now they used to so powerful and look how weak they are now military wise? Be yourself trying to be something your not never works because you will expose yourself physically people can always spot a phony. Pretending to like boys and being interested in clothes your not interested will just add a lot of stress to you.

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    • Uhm... I'm Turkish too?

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    • Don't worry, it's true for the most part. Some people are such fanatics. Make one comment about the possibility of Ataturk being gay/Greek/atheist/a spy/anything that they don't like and you die.

    • Yeah its scary

  • Well if u wnt just be like others for some goals, u lose ur life ! it's about everyon and everywhere !
    if u want enjoy ur life, just be urself, even if 99% people around u aren't agree with u !
    It's also always more enjoyable to be real diferent then others :p
    good luck.

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  • >They don't have opinions about anything—sexuality, politics, human rights.

    Same thing everywhere in the world.

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  • I think it's a question of being smart about it. Not everyone should know everything about what you think, but you should still be true to yourself.

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  • Do not change or cover up who you are for the sake of someone else's approval Because when you do, you are not being true to yourself and you cheapen your self worth. Also, a worth while person will accept you for who you are and like you for who you are.

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  • Damn I didn't know that bisexuals do exist in Turkey, it seems that secularism took over Turkish people are their culture, am I right @confusedgrocer? Hehe I'm answering your question again.

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    • And* their culture...

    • Yes, we exist. No, it has nothing to do with any -isms. I still don't remember why I originally blocked you, but it's confirmed that you are an unnecessary person.

  • In Turkey, where it's harder for "the different one" in social life, copy other girls. You're asking the question to the wrong audience, western people.

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  • Just fit in and when you have a circle of close friends then feel them out and chat about it then. If you voice your opinions openly you will have a very bleak four years. Be selective of who you open up to...

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  • To be honest it does not really matter which route you take.

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  • I'd back away from talk about the Armenian Genocide, but otherwise stand up for what's right.

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    • I don't go around talking about it, I don't think it would be brought up outside History class either, but if it does, I either speak my mind or shut up about it. That's kinda the point of this question, actually. But maybe I can do a mix of both.

  • Be yourself

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  • I am Armenian and I am living TR too. But I have never seen racist things in there until 21 years.

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    • Etrafta dolasip Ermenilere saldiran yok canim, ben soykirim konusunun acilmasindan bahsediyorum

    • Bıraksana bu işleri. Hayatın soykırım konuşmaktan ibaret.

    • Sanki beni taniyorsun. Oyle degil, hem olsa bile kotu bir sey mi olurdu sanki?

  • Be yourself - They will make fun of you.
    copy other girls - They will make fun of you.

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  • Balance it out. There are situations where you will need friends and situations where you must be yourself.

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  • mostly be yourself, but i would tell you to take into yourself things that you wish were a part of yourself. some feature you like that is so ubiquitous among others is still a part of you. do not simply reject or adopt everything or all of anything.

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  • i have had the same problem all my life

    there are very very few people i can have real conversations with because like you said it seems like a vast majority of people have no opinions or thoughts on anything except stuff directly affecting them

    i have always been curious of what fills their seemingly empty heads

    but really who gives a dam about people... with people that think a lot their best friends are normally themselves

    what i've noticed is that you can either be a dreamer and totally thinking up crazy shit in your head all the time or you can be a "part" of everyone else and just be like another wave hitting the beach with no interesting thoughts or opinions ever

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What Girls Said 31

  • Be yourself, always. Just because other people can't handle your personality or your opinions doesn't mean you should change or fake it. Really, you should be focusing more on your schoolwork than simply trying to fit in with some random people who probably aren't worth your time anyway and who you most likely won't ever see again after you graduate from high school.

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    • Thanks, but please don't tell me to focus on schoolwork. That's something you tell everyone under 17. Schoolwork is something you have to do, when you say that I think you don't think I have a life outside school.

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    • Well if that's the case, you should block the user and report his comments if you feel he is harassing you.

    • He's stalking anon questions. I already blocked him and he uses the fact he can answer to annoy me.

  • Be yourself. First of all, high school sucks. Those people are short term. It will go by so fast. It will benefit you far more in the long run if you focus more on your studies than trying to "fit in". If people don't like you for who you are, they simply aren't worth your time.

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  • You sound like me, a weird random intectual 16 year old female whos life doesn't revolve around guys. Be yourself, because in the end people will appreciate that more and can sense fakeness. People also trust you more and let down their guard around you they will show you the true self if you show them yours and to have that effect on someone is amazing, not a lot of people can do it so don't change.

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  • You shouldn't fake to be someone you are not. You 'll be miserable, even if you have friends and you 'll loose your identity. Be yourself. You are entitled to have your own interests and opinions on things and dress however you like. Though, you have to respect other people's opinions, even if they are different than yours, as well as them not wanting to talk or not being interested about certain subjects. Be kind and respect your school's dresscodes. Be yourself, but at the same time try to become a bettter person.

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    • I was never respectful of dress codes, I don't think they make sense. But I can't go around with jeans anymore, so I'll have to make it look good.

    • It's good to have a personal style, but you have to be presentable in different occasions. I'm sure there are ways to show your style without getting in trouble

  • Well I was someone who would talk too mature for the people around, so I didn't have any friends. In highschool, I learned I can be myself while not being so serious all the time. I do get serious, but I mainly am laid back and joke and be kind to others. Just be confident in who you are. If you pretend like you know what you're doing, people think you know what you're doing. Just be yourself, with confidence, but also be more laid back instead of talking about too many pressing topics like politics. Also, find better friends. Go to the quiet girl in the corner and get to know her, because she could end up being your closest friend. Just get to know everyone, ask more serious topicswhen the time comes for it, and have fun 😊

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  • Being yourself is always the best option, even with its "disadvantages", Pretending to be someone else will only leave you empty.

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  • Play it dumb.
    Act dumb and silly and childish.. Everyone will love you then.
    Believe me, I know what I'm talking about.

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  • BE YOURSELF ; Jesus loves you

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  • Focus on your work and be yourself. Nobody likes a lemming besides other lemmings, and most kids in high school are morons anyways.

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  • Fuck what everyone else thinks. Always be yourself and never try to put up a persona just so you will be popular. Always do what you think will make you happy. :)

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  • If you are known as a highly political angry racist, no one will want to be friends with you

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    • I'm not racist anymore!

  • First of all i graduated high school in Istanbul, Turkey and I've never met such people as you told. My class had even gays and it was full of open minded people. Of course there are shallow people everywhere but you just can't generalize. My point is no matter who you meet and where you study just be yourself and dont pretend to be someone else. If you want further information just message me and i will be glad to help.

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  • If you're yourself, people will catch on and you'll have plenty of friends and you'll feel great. It's pointless to be a follower because you won't be yourself and you'll need to get away eventually. Be a leader and get yourself what you want.

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  • Be yourself, don't let anyone stand in your way of being who you are. Have fun in High School!

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  • It depends on what you want to achieve.
    I've met some pretty amazing people in HS, but that were a bit "different". Most people were intimidated - they didn't have lots of friends but still were happy.
    Other people fit in the "popular" crowd. Maybe hid a bit who they were, but were among the popular ones. They were more interested in power than "uniqueness", so they were happy too.
    You just need to find out what is more important to you.

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  • Frozen reference there :)

    Be yourself, shoot that ice out of your fingertips

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  • just have fun your four years whatever you do doesn't matter afterwards because you'll just become another person after high school when you enter the real world

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  • Always be Yourself no matter what happens! No point in following others, start your own thing, just enjoy being you :) :)

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  • Be yourself. I tried 'blending in' it just didn't work. When I got to college, I realized it just didn't matter if I fitted in or not, I was happier being myself.

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  • Just be yourself! Of course people don't need to know every drop of detail about things but that doesn't mean you should hide yourself from the world, either.

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  • Be yourself, there's no one better.
    Forget what those other kids at high school think - you won't even remember half their names 10 years down the line

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  • Boooo, who wants to be conventional and BORING, just be yerself!

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  • ********BE YOURSELF X 10000000000000000000000000000000********

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  • BE YOURSELF ! You want people to like you for who you are rather than being liked for someone you're not.

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  • You should be yourself. That's what I do and nothing wrong ever happens to me. Because I'm a very likeable person.

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  • Be yourself. Faking it will only male you unhappy.

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    • But being myself will make me alone. My entrance exam grade doesn't let me get into a high-profile school where I can meet intelligent teens. I won't be accepted into minority schools either.

    • Then I think you know what you want to do. Why do you seek validation?

    • I'm not sure

  • Conceal and don't feel!

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  • Copy the other girls. You don't want to be a freak.

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  • Don't be fake. Everyone will see right through, and you'll end up being more annoying than cool.

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  • As long as speaking your mind in your country doesn't get you executed or persecuted than feel free to express your opinion.

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