Since I'm quitting smoking weed my mood has been very low and my tolerance to annoying things is just as low. I don't think socialising will help me because talking to people is a total stress for me. It seems like everything triggers an endless stream of embarrassing memories which makes me so upset and reminds me of how much of an embarrassment I am. Then I always feel guilty for being my mother's son. I would do anything for her and that's because I feel guilty for being a disappointment and I quote "let down". I've got nothing going for me so I just sit indoors all day and watch stuff on netflix. I feel so lonely but I don't want to talk to anyone at all, I just want to be left alone... I'm such a paradox. The anxiety and depression is just too much. The only things that are keeping me from having negative thoughts are TV shows but what happens when I run out of good things to watch. I hate myself for smoking weed at such a young age, what the hell was I thinking? I was going places but now I'm just a low life who everybody uses as a doormat. My therapist hates me, I'm pretty sure. Since I didn't attend my last session god knows how long ago, she must. I dunno what to do...
Most Helpful Girl
You're probably going to hate me for saying this, but exercise totally helps! I was depressed in high school and it got much worse when I stopped doing sports. I struggled with it and made various lifetime changes, but I've found that the most important change I made was exercising. I've moved, I've made friends and cut negative people from my life, I saw a therapist for a while, but exercise helped more than everything else. And fear not, there is science to back me up. www.health.harvard.edu/.../exercise-and-depression-report-excerpt
Basically, being active on a regular basis makes the good chemicals and stuff in your brain move around more, and it makes you feel better! I'm much more optimistic now and friendly toward strangers, whereas before I was pessimistic and socially very anxious (I had a stutter for a while too).
Guilt, I think, is a big part of depression for some people too. It's easy for me to say "stop feeling guilty" and not helpful at all. But in all honesty, your mum loves you very much. And she's probably quite proud of you for stopping with weed. Talk to her more often. Not necessarily asking her if she's proud of you, but making conversation with her to strengthen your relationship will probably make you feel better and less guilty. Helping her around the house is great too.
You're young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You might feel crappy right now, but through this experience you'll grow stronger and more mature. You're exactly where you need to be right now in order to make you who you will become. Everyone has had low points in their lives. Everyone has felt disappointed in themselves for one reason or another. I don't mean to say this to make you feel that you aren't special. Because you are. Just know that you're not alone. :)
Also, you're therapist is probably a robot and isn't capable of emotions, therefore it can't possible hate you. Heehee.
I hope I was able to help. Feel better soon. :)1
Most Helpful Guy
"I''ve got nothing going for me so I just sit indoors all day and watch stuff on netflix"
Do you see the vicious cycle here?
If you want to have fun, you have to go and do fun things. That's quite literally how it works. If you've just given up on an addiction then it's normal you're going through a phase of feeling like shit. The beauty about phases is that they are temporary. Get off your arse and do something fun :)
Your therapist doesn't hate you. She chose her job because she wants to help people. If you want to not go for a while that's up to you. You are free to go back to her whenever you are ready for it.2