Grandmother claims she isn't racist, but has an issue with white people?

I'm confused and hopefully someone can shed light on this. Basically my granmom doesn't appear racist, but also she does at times. Like if I invite friends over, she always has something to say about them if they aren't black. She'll be like, "White people, see, they sneaky. Nosy, always poking around. Gotta watch for them." But my black friends get none of that, even my Hispanic friend gets less crap.

When I'm with my white friends, she always says something along the lines of not trusting them with anything cause "like white people", they'll tell everyone everything I said. I'll explain that its not just white people, that goes for every race but according to her white people are the worst.

It even gets worse when I brought up my interest in white girls. I stated that I have a preference. She immediately jumped to black women and I had to explain that I would much rather be with a white girl. She claimed its cause I think black women aren't good enough. I don't think that, I just prefer a white female, nothing wrong with that. But she then goes on to say that I'm preparing myself for pain because, "White females use you and divorce you. You know how white people are, they don't really know committment. Now if you were with a BLACK woman..." and goes on and on and flipping on about the glories of being with a black girl and the consequences of being with a white woman.

I don't get her. Like she's fine with me having white friends, but prefers I have more black friends if possible. Then gets an issue when I bring a white girl home, like she said, "I'll teach her how we black people are. Good cooking and stuff." and laughs. I think it's disrespectful and racist, but she always claims to not having an issue. She doesn't do this with my other friends, but only my white friends. I've brought a Korean girl over and she's even nicer to her! What the hell is with my grandmom?

Updates:
Okay, my grandmother is 57 guys, she's not that old. She had my mom as a teenager, who had me as a teen as well.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well she is older and probably experienced a lot of racism and intolerance from white people as she was growing up. The world taught her that , and there still is a lot of prejudice towards black people today so its natural for her to have precautions. Just explain to her most white kids today aren't racist and they are more loving and accepting than other generations. Like a lot of milenials are cool with interacial relationships, gays, trans people , we all have friends of different races, religions. The world is changing and you have to slowly explain that to her

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    • I try. Really hard to where I live now as I forgot to mention I live in a half and half redneck town. They're openly racist and kids here fear me even if I were to simply walk by. At one point I made a little girl cry by hugging my friend suddenly, surprising her and making her scream, and the girl started crying cause she was convinced I was hurting her.

    • Thats probably why. I don't blame her you are surrounded by biggots. I suggest you guys like re-locate to a safer place. If I was black and lived with a bunch of racist hicks I would feel very unsafe. She probably had to live through something really hard then... the KKK was probably around when she was a kid.

    • Yeah they were actually. But they moving soon, so I can sleep better when I left my brothers.

What Girls Said 9

  • It's understandable though. There's a difference between punching up and punching down. When you're part of a group that has been oppressed and treated like shit for centuries by some other group, is it really your fault if you harbor resentment for that group? It's pretty basic survival, really. And she does have a point about preffering white girls over black ones. I don't claim to be an expert on this, but there's a whole lot of internalized racism even within non-white communities. Like colorism among black people and Indians, which a preference for white people is just an exaggerated form of. Western beauty standards are impressed on people all over the world, and it's damn harmful, and yes, it does cause people to think white people are more beautiful. And that's racist. It's racism that has been taught to you against your will, but it's still racism, and I can't really blame your grandmother for taking issue with your preferences when they very much do look like exactly that sort of internalized racism.

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    • I don't know what you're talking about with internalized racism. Like I don't have an issue with black women at all, I just prefer white women. Actually Hispanics mostly. I have lots of black friends, both male and female, and have dated black people but only twice. I don't have an issue at all, I just have different preferences. Its similar to my brother, who prefers Asians way more than black and white women. My mom prefers black men, my dad prefers white or Hispanic women, my step-dad prefers black women as well.

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    • Im just gonna stop. We're not gonna see eye to eye anytime soon, so yeah.

    • Yeah, it's cool. But actually I do still think you oughta check out those tests. Even if you don't believe in them, they are still fun. Just for the record. (Sorry for rambling on. I'm an opinionated person incapable of shutting the hell up, obviously.)

  • I am against racism but if it is coming from an elderly person I usually overlook it. Its not their fault they are ignorant. they grew up in a different time and under different circumstances and their life experience is different. My grandma is 98 and hates Japanese people because a Japanese soldier killed her uncle during the Chinese Japanese war. Am I going to blame her for that? OF course not. Since she is older - you just ignore it. She is your grandma and that is more important than her racial views.

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    • Ohh damn ;_; was it in a war?

    • Yeah it was. They also stole all her property. She was filthy rich before the Japanese came and took over all of her property and money.

  • she's from a different time, a more negative one. Thats how the older generation is. She means well in her own way, but she is stuck in the past. she's racist :/ but she's like that because of her experiences. she's like 80? They have been through a lot of shit, especially if they are African American. In the south...

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    • She's actually 57. She had my mom as a teen, and she had me as a teen as well. But she actually grew up in Chicago, while my family traces back to Arkansas.

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    • JUst making sure

    • Blondie is mad because I've called him out on his racist questions and answers b4 and he likes to play it off like he's joking. Its okay tho~

  • Maybe she isn't quite as trusting to white people. As a white person myself I do get a lot of comments from darker skinned people about how I owe them or whatever, which I disagree. Some black people think that we only like our own race. I don't care what your ethnicity is, as long as you respect me I will respect you. Maybe tell your grandmother not to say that. Tell her in a nice way though. Ask her why she doesn't trust whites as much. I'm sure she's not a bad person, but maybe she just has a bad past with white people ;)

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    • I've already asked her multiple times, but she claims she's not racist just has lots of stupid issues...

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    • Thanks for trying though, appreciate it a lot.

    • You're welcome. Sorry I wasn't much help though 😂

  • She probably had bad experiences with white people. Maybe it affected her and that's why she acts this way.

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  • When I read the first paragraph I actually laughed out loud. I havnt noticed if I was like that. I mean when I go in a persons house I look around at pictures and look around for safety reasons ya know, because I would be in a new place I've never been before. I'm not snoopy thats not me and it's plain rude. When your young regardless of race you tend to use all kinds of people it's a way of seeing what types of people you like and what's kind of girls fit for you. It a way to find the girl you will marry someday. That goes for all people. Trust me, white, black, Asian whatever as long as there heart is teaming up with yours truly, you will know. That up to you on how you feel about people. I wouldn't listen to your grandma about that certain things. She was born in a hard and oldfashioned time.

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  • Her mind is still back in the old times.

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  • Most racist people don't view themselves as racist. In our culture, people tend to see "racists" as bad people, but most people don't see themselves as a bad person and they tend to have justifications for why their views aren't racist, so they they don't associate themselves or their views with that term. (To note, you can be a generally good person, and still hold racist views. Holding racist views doesn't necessarily mean you're a bad person overall, it could just mean that you have ignorant or misguided ideas about other groups of people).

    There is also a view that some people hold that minorities can't be racist. Racism is something white people do. The confusion here tends to come down to the definition of racism. The simplest definition of racism is prejudice against people based on their race. In that sense, anyone can be racist.

    But there is also another definition of racism which is "power+prejudice". Basically, it's the idea that a privileged group holding racist views is different than an oppressed/disadvantaged group holding racist views, because the privileged group has more power over the oppressed group and their racist views are more likely to take the form of institutionalized/structural racism. Some examples of this are black people being more likely to live in poverty, being less likely to go to college, being more likely to be stop-and-frisked by police, being less likely to get called for a job interview, being over-represented in prisons, having their voting power diminished in the guise of laws to fight "voter fraud", and so on. These things are much more significant than someone'e grandma thinking that white people are sneaky.

    This isn't to say that your grandmother isn't prejudiced against white people, and racist according to the first definition. And it isn't to say that that kind of prejudice isn't bad. I guess I'm just suggesting that your grandmother may believe that "black people can't be racist towards white people" (with or without understanding the nuances of the definition of racism).

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  • Your grandmother is old school and she isn't a fool. Back in the day most white people were considered devils for obvious reasons. She does have an issue with them. Like my mother.

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What Guys Said 7

  • She must have had some bad experiances with white people in the past. May be thinking that all the good black men are dating only white women and leaving no good men for black women.

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  • Lol that's exactly my neighbor next door except she is an old white lady she is one of those people who actually believes that Obama is a Muslim who wants Sharia law and that his wife is actually transgendered and that Obama wasn't actually born in the U. S. lol. I think part of it has to do with that they were born in a different time you just can't convince people like that they just believe the things they do based off the experiences they have had in life.

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  • It is racist, but if she's old enough to be a grandmother, she spent plenty of her life with legitimate reasons to distrust white people. The Jim Crowe laws were overturned in the 1980's, which is relatively recent when you think about it. Your grandma is technically racist (or maybe joking, which is also a possibility), but you can't really blame her for that.

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  • No, are you kidding? Everybody knows black people can't be racist, it just isn't so, white people are the only humans on Earth who judge, hate and discriminate against skin color!

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    • Please tell me you're joking.

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    • Thats why I try to ignore it. It's pretty hard, but its worth it considering it means I'm avoiding an argument.

    • Yeah that's how I feel, eventually I too decide to avoid the subject because I know there's no changing him, he's a stubborn ass, but so am I, otherwise I wouldn't get into arguments about it with him all of the time.

  • Oh man! Your grandma would be a bad ass drinking buddy! Laughing for days

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  • it's her right to her own opinions.

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  • She's not hurting anyone with it. As long as a person isn't advocating violence or the destruction of certain facets of another person's life, racial comments mean nothing to me.

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    • That doesn't answer my question whatsoever.

    • Question: Grandmother claims she isn't racist, but has an issue with white people?
      Answer: Who cares if she is if she's not hurting anyone?

    • She does insult my white friends by saying lots of stuff in their face like, "I bet you don't get food like this, good black food, at home?" Or, "Aint never hear good gospel."

      She drops loads of hints.

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