Shy/nice/ugly/ guy paradox. How can a guy love himself if clearly no women do?

They say one must love oneself and have confidence. But for some guys (and women i suppose), this is really easier said than done. How are you supposed to do this when the objective evidence is that you are not worthy of anyones love? Like you can tell yourself you are awesome, but clearly not awesome enough for somebody's love. Its like somebody telling you to be a confident football player but you always benched. After a while you won't want to play because you get the hint.

Just a thought.


0|0
2|6

Most Helpful Guy

  • The correct term is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It means that you self-fulfill and event. An example would be because you believe you are not good enough to be first-team you don't try anymore. The coach sees that you are playing awfully so he decides to put you on the bench self-fulfilling what you thought initially. It only happened because *you* decided to not to try in the first place. Hence the "self-fulfilling prophecy".

    But that's far beyond the point anyway because that's not really relevant to the initial question you asked. I would say that the whole 'need to love yourself for others to love you" notice is just false. People always find will fall in love or be romantically interested in those who are insecure with themselves. It always happens.

    There is no set objective evidence that you are not worthy of someone's love because it's all down to opinions at the end of it. You can see yourself as some insecure and ugly person whereas the next person may not see you that way. It's just that having those negative thoughts about yourself tends to reflect in your facial expression, body language and behaviour which is what may turn people off.

    1|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 2

  • Being a sporty person and having confidence in yourself is two different avenues.. You can't compare... If you're benched but are reasonable at sport, you can't change how you are built.. In saying that some have fast splints or slow, slower ones are good as stayers where as fast are good at sprints... Some people just ain't gonna be good at sport no matter what... We are talking physical compared to emotional well being... Two different things here... Getting back to yourself... It's all about believing in who you are and having confidence in yourself.. You talking about ability of getting girls... It's all about how you present yourself as a whole.. Your demeanour, attitude, beliefs, surroundings, ego, acceptance, etc, it's not just based on one thing alone when you dissect it to see where the objectives may be coming from but in general being happy and in love with who are is what makes you, if any of the above sections are flawed, it's a piece that may be missing from you to make you complete, I'm getting deep here cause you're questioning something that is relatively easy to work on... So the question is really relating to you and your need to get the right girl/s? How do you have an emotional affair with someone? Is that like think of them all the time but can't have them? And yet at the same time you're having a sexual relationship with some one else? so you saying you can have feelings for many girls and they'd all be happy with you in doing so? So if you are getting girls, you must carry yourself well, and we all get insecure in certain areas of our lives, it's the fear of the unknown that the inner balance gets rocked until familiarity sets in when balance is restored.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You learn to love yourself by knowing yourself and acknowledging the things you are good at, what you are passionate about, always striving to achieve your goals, and connecting with people who are positive (not necessarily women - your family and friends). Finding love is usually a series of rejections until you find what you are looking for - therefore you simply cannot let this define your worth.

    1|0
    0|0

What Guys Said 5

  • That's just something that people say without thinking. It's wrong. You can't just be confident, you need real reasons behind it for it to be real. It's the same for self-love. It all takes actual really hard work. Being a good person takes work, confidence takes work, and women won't like you for no reason or because you're putting on the right act.

    It's like someone telling you to be a confident football player when you're a shitty football player that never practices. If you were good you'd be confident, it goes hand in hand.

    1|0
    0|0
  • "If you look to others for fulfillment, you'll never be truly fulfilled" - Lao Tzu

    If a guy is basing his self-worth on women's (or anyone;s) opinion of him, he needs to re-think his priorities in life.

    1|0
    0|0
  • This is tough. Keep trying and try to improve yourself to standards. Remember to be yourself at heart.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Ask your question the opposite way for your answer.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If you are a benched football player you need to convince your coach during your training that you can do better.

    If you think you can't find a girl you need to work harder.

    0|0
    0|0
    • That's what I am saying, you need to do better to convince that somebody, that you worthy. That implies that who you are is not worthy enough, and therefore how do you love yourself if what you ARE isn't worthy objectively?

      You either have to change your personality and reinvent yourself (much harder than losing weight in the gym) or you accept that who you are isn't worthy.

    • Show All
    • What I meant is that if you don't want to do something, you don't have to do it.

      However, if that doesn't benefit you or doesn't make you happy, i tmakes no sense to accept it as it is, and you are completely free to do the best you can to change your situation.

    • Dude... I kinda see where you coming from, but you very vague. Let me help: I had to turn down a threesome with a girl, because I'm with a girl who doesn't know about this other girl and another girl who I'm having an emotional affair with. Basically I have options. But I don't love myself. I'm insecure and play academically from pick up books? I have had 9 sexual partners but only dated 1?

Loading...