Can you decide to be gay or are you born like that?

Where do you stand on this question?

  • Being gay is a decision, you are not born with it
    13% (5)26% (10)19% (15)Vote
  • You are born gay, you don't decide it
    67% (26)49% (19)58% (45)Vote
  • I think you can decide to be gay and some people are born with it
    13% (5)15% (6)14% (11)Vote
  • Being gay depends on a different factor (please say)
    7% (3)10% (4)9% (7)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Do you decide who you are attracted to? No. Does anyone choose to be heterosexual? No. Nobody chooses their sexuality or who they're attracted to. Nobody wakes up one day as a child and says "I'm going to be -insert sexuality- from now on"... that doesn't make any sense. Homosexuality is not a choice, just like heterosexuality is not a choice. We can't control who we're attracted to, who we want to have sex with, who we fall for. You can get killed for being gay, why would anyone really choose that lifestyle on purpose when it's much more safe and easier to just be straight and follow the norm?

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    • Sorry but being straight it does make it disgusting thinking about dating the same gender.

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    • well i didn't go around talking about it but when ”attractive” men hit on me and i ignored/delcined them people thought it was strange. i wasn't exactly open about it. i didn't announce the fact that i have a certain preference but i had posters in my locker? when asked i would answer honestly. i didn't ask for feedback from others, they would just come up and tell me what a freak i was for liking something that wasn't accepted or understood in that part of the world.

      i understand what you're saying but honestly i've never seen openly gay people receive anything except support and praise and like i said i lived in several areas in the states. big cities, suburbs and even a small town.

    • Oh, ok, then I must have misunderstood what you wrote.

      The reason why a lot of openly gay people get support is because they know they'll get it. Most of the gay people who stay in the closet do so because they already KNOW that their family won't accept it (most likely for religious reasons), and the same goes for friends and other relatives. Most people who are comfortable coming out are usually the ones who already know they'll be accepted, at least to some degree.

What Girls Said 20

  • I think people are born that way.

    I think what confuses some people is when there are those that act like they can choose their sexuality.
    I've heard women say, "I use to date men but they all cheated on me, so now I date women".
    When people operate that way, people view someones sexuality as a light switch.
    They believe it is a choice.
    This is where the misconception comes from.
    I think those that act like they are choosing, are those confused with their sexuality to begin with.

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    • People who say that they jumped from dating one gender to dating another gender (without difficulty), are probably just bisexual. No straight person could start dating the same sex with such ease. Not because it's disgusting or anything, but because straight people simply aren't attracted to people of the same sex. So those people who say things like that don't really understand their own sexuality, or sexuality as a whole.

    • Yes @LightsOff. Thanks for adding to what I wrote. I agree.
      I'm glad you can see this.
      Some people don't understand it as easily as you can me and they draw a huge misconception.

  • Gay people are discriminated against, made fun of, mistreated by their family members and by society in general, threatened and sometimes killed. So, why anyone would choose to live this way? . Any person in their right mind, would not choose that. So, I believe that you are born gay, you don't decide it.

    If you could decide then homosexual people would choose to be heterosexual, because that's what is acceptable by society.

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  • My best friend came out of the closet last year. I've known her for a few years and she always told me that she sometimes questioned her sexuality. She could be totally obsessed with beautiful female artists but not male and she thought girls were really pretty too. All the time she wasn't sure, but then she met a really nice girl she fell in love with. She's now happy with her lovely girlfriend and I couldn't be happier for her.
    The fact that she always felt confused and felt it from young age I would say she was born with it. Alos there were lots of gay people tortured, shamed off and murdered because they were gay. I just can't believe it's a choice for them too. Not a lot of people are so stubborn to stand with their choice if they're threatened to be killed.

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  • Born that way, but it definitely takes a few years of discovering yourself and finding out who you are to figure that out.

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  • It can be both.
    Many kids raised in same sex couple households often identify as gay/lesbian meaning it can be environmental while many people growing up in two parent opposite sex households have identified as gay/lesbian as well.

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  • i think people are born that way

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  • I think people are born with their sexuality, but they may not find what best fits for them until they're older.

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  • You're born gay. Just like we are born straight. However, people can have bouts of bi-curiosity that can cause them to prefer another gender that wasn't their initial preference. But if we are talking about straight up homosexuals/lesbians, they are born that way.

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  • I think sexuality is fluid in my opinion but you don't choose

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    • Speak for yourself. For most people sexuality is not fluid.

    • God, I specifically said in my opinion. Who pissed in your cereal? I personally think that it is a preference which isn't something you can control. It just is what it is. So for example some people have a favourite food that has been their favourite since they could eat.. for others it changes some. So that doesn't mean it is fluid for everyone. @FinickyGirl

  • I think its caused by your environment. People might have the potential to become gay but their environment determines whether or not they choose to express those traits. They can also control how they respond to their environment.

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  • I didn't make a choice to be attracted to men, that's just how it always was. I assume for people who are gay that it's the same for them - that's just who they were attracted to.
    As for heterosexuals being disgusted by the idea of gay attraction, I'm kinda mystified by heterosexual men 'cause they get turned on by female bodies. Homosexual men make way more sense to me.

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  • There are some *rare* cases of sexuality changing due to a severe trauma but it isn't a choice.

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  • i think it is a choice

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    • see? there you go. can't state your opinon if it's not the popular opinion.

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    • @girlscoutsrevenge
      i'm aware of that, thank you.
      i remember you lol please continue to downvote me in the future.

    • I'm sure I will :)

  • You are born gay. It is not logical to say people chose because (less so now.. but..) gaus are constantly being judged. In some countries they're beaten in the streets. Why would anyone subject themselves to this v cruelty when they can choose to be straight. Let me ask all straight people here. Did you cost to be straight? Did you make a conscious decision to like yhe opposite sec or did it just happen?

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  • People are born gay. But whether you act on it or not is a decision of course. But you can't fake attraction.

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    • There are people who are strictly attracted to their own gender or the opposite gender, there really is no denying that. The people who switch between genders easily are bisexual, not to be confused with homosexual people.

  • It's either you like the fruity pebbles or you don't.

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  • I can't even decide which ice cream flavor I like. How would you choose who you're attracted to?

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  • I know with me, I just instinctively develop crushes on guys - these intense feeling of attraction, excitement, desire, etc. You simply can't control how you feel (you can only hide it). Just like I did not chose to have guys arouse these feelings in me, gay people do not chose to have people of the same gender arouse their feelings

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  • You're born like it, no doubt about that. I've had crushes on and been attracted to girls for as long as i can remember, it wasn't a choice.

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  • Will for one your not born gay people just want to be gay but your not born gay hell if you was born gay then I would be gay and I'm not I have a freaking awesome boyfriend.

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    • but people have different genes, which some say that is what determines whether you are gay or straight

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    • Because God told you that right?

    • No I'm telling you. But you can read the bible tho and it will tell you about the word.

What Guys Said 22

  • If you dont want a religious view I'll tell u why it's environmental. This is scientific. Anyway so M/Z twins have exactly the same genes and DNA. Therefore if one twin has a fault in there genes a mutation the other does too.
    Therefore, it does not explain why when one twin is a homo the other isn't always. When one twin has gayness it should be that the other twin is 100% gay too if it was down to genes.
    Evidence supports this because statistically 60% of the time when one is the other is to. But what about the 40% that is unaccounted for? The 40% is down to the environment because it has become a fashion statement and a trend for people to become phags. Honestly it is unnatural and in my opinion it is due to a faulty gene being passed on just like every other mutation. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve... that's my religious point summed up.

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  • Sexuality and sexual attraction is an interesting thing.
    You see sexual attraction is both genetic and not genetic, i believe.
    Why it is genetic: All organisms have to single goal of procreating. This is why all animals know to reproduce with the opposite sex. Or why they are attracted to the opposite sex.
    Why it is not genetic: Physical attraction is not genetic;however, in the sense that genes don't control what hair color or eye color you find attractive.
    So where does this leave us?
    Well given this information we can draw a number of conclusions. First of all, all organisms are supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex so they can fulfill their purpose (which is to procreate). However, physical appearance can also play a factor in this. Genes do not control what looks we find attractive, besides through primal sexual emotions and physical aspects (maybe). Finally, if you are gay you are either choosing to be gay or you were born with a defect (not meant to be offensive) that makes you not attracted to females.

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  • It's important to note that sexuality is fluid.

    Some will fall at one end (completely heterosexual)
    Some will fall the other end (completely homosexual)
    Some will fall in the middle (bisexual)
    Some will dance in the middle (experimentation, etc)

    Our sexual orientation is based on who we feel sexual attraction towards.

    Dopamine is responsible for helping us feel sexual attraction.

    Dopamine is responsible for many pleasure responses in the body. It's the reason we like food hobbies, sex, drugs and pornogrpahy so much.

    In any case, when you're attracted to someone, dopamine and a boatload of other chemicals are released. It will cause your pupils to dilate, might make you blush, and if sexual enough, can arouse you.

    For some reason, men who experience dopamine (and the other chemicals) when gazing at other men are more likely to become homosexual.

    Why this happens? I'm not sure.

    But dopamine (and the other chemicals) is what causes the attraction.

    There was an experiment where they found that crushing on someone can give an almost similar high to one hit of a small quantity of cocaine. Don't know, just thought that was cool.

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  • I swore allegiance to the almighty vagina from a very young age. I didn't choose that path it just happened. From talks with a lesbian friend I had in high school, it was the same way for her as well. She was never attracted to boys. She would date guys because that's what she felt she was supposed to do but she had to picture a girl to enjoy anything with a boy. She's married to the woman of her dreams (we've had gay marriage in Massachusetts since 2004) and they're super happy together. I'd link their YouTube channel but I don't want people to find out who I am lol

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  • My sister, who is gay and, to be honest is one of the most well known advocates on the globe for numerous facets in terms of the lifestyle, stated that she developed the feelings after college.

    From a medical perspective that fits what is known about specific transitions and/or specific changes based on outside stimuli so I cannot personally say anything other than taking her word which has been static and intelligent for many years now. Further, before she become what she is now she was also within the medical field as I am so I have no reason to doubt what she says.

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    • "Became", not "become".

    • That's interesting, did she have any confusion in her teen years or was she heterosexual up until college time? I'm only asking because I spent a good few years of my younger teens thinking I may be only attracted to women but then U-turned totally once I left school.

    • @girlscoutsrevenge She liked men, was with men, and then after college made the decision to go the other direction citing it was a feeling she had developed. The big "shhh" in terms of this issue is that, for whatever reason, a small but loud portion of the homosexual community wants to keep it hush hush that these are developed and gained traits in many cases. Why they wish to keep it quiet I have no idea but over and over again, case by case, this shows to be the facts outside of an extremely small number.

  • C. Talk to a lot of 'gay' guys (or watch a group of drunk gay guys) and you will realise a lot of the most "I'm gay get used to it" are actually Bi guys who choose to identify as gay and over compensate trying to be the emitome of the culture... kind of the same as the repressed gay homophobes. Its really odd.
    Not saying that there are no completely gay guys. Just that a lot arn't as definitive as they claim.

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  • Imo:

    Some people are born gay and can't change.
    Some people are born bisexual and can chose a (sexual) life style.
    When did you decide to be hetero?

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  • You're clearly born gay. If you decided to be gay, don't you think the people who didn't want to be gay would just suddenly turn straight?

    Sexuality is in-built during growth in your mother's womb and I do believe it is genetic as no one in my family is gay.

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  • Considering the hate and oppression they face, if being gay was a choice, nobody would be gay.

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  • I think people are generally born neutral towards the idea of sexuality itself, but infatuation and the biological response is about 92% biological. I mean, do you actually think you get to pick and choose what girls you're infatuated to at first sight? I actually voted C) because I think some people are just not repulsed by the idea as much and do pursue it.

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  • i never decided to be straight so i guess it´s the same for gay people then xD

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  • In my opinion most of the time a person is born gay, with a few rare instances where a person chooses to be gay.

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  • There are no studies that have found a gay gene, so until they find that gene, I am not going to believe anyone is born gay. I think sexual orientation might have something to do with how you are born, but mostly I think it depends on environment and outer factors. (Which actually has been proven)

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  • I think it's a decision. But, if people are born that way, then there is some mental malfunction. This is not the way nature intended the human animal to be. With that said, I don't have a problem with gays if that's how they want to live. What I have a problem with is being forced by society to accept it. I have my opinions and if someone doesn't like it? To fucking bad. People are allowed to think the way they want without being condemed for it and it doesn't matter what it is.

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  • Someone please explain to me how did catlyn jenner father those two girls with kris jenner some 18+ years back.

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  • I voted D. I have some female friends who are totally straight but turn completely weak for this gay tomboy girl from the city. So i guess it depends. I think some people have this appearance that makes people fall in love with them

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  • People are born this way, full stop. Some people who are actually gay try to oppress this and identify as straight but that doesn't make them any less gay. You can't do anything about your sexuality.

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  • Its A.
    Many sexologists have kept on trying to know the answer of this question and the answer is yes. Sexuality can change.

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  • ur born with it.. but u can choose weather to accept it or not

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  • i am gay, i think it is part of me, i have had girlfriends before but prefer men

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    • But was it a decision or do you feel you've always been this way since birth?

    • for me a decision, something i tried and liked later in life... most would say born that way probably

  • I am a hetero-sexual male because I was born that way. Same as a homosexual male or female. I can't just switch between preferences. Some people are bi-sexual from birth.

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  • If I had to guess I'd say there is probably a spectrum. Some people are going to be gay no matter what and with others it probably hinges on experiences. I don't think anyone 'decides' it.

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