GAGers!!! What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Tell meeeeeeee! ;o
GAGers!!!! What's the funniest joke you've ever heard?


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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 16

  • A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

    I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

    A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."

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    • LMHO! I love all of them, especially the first one, lol

  • So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That Little Johnny! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your taco before the end of the day!"

    A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?" "What dear?" she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you're bad luck."

    Three guys are stuck on a deserted island, when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pops out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish."
    Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF!!! He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island, and wishes to go home. POOF!!! He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is.
    "Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"

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  • A long time ago there was a man stranded at sea
    He was highly religious and thought God would save him

    One day a cruise ship passed by and people on the ship said "sir please come on the boat! We will rescue you" to which the man replied "don't worry God will save me!!!" So the cruise ship continued on leaving the man behind

    A week later a tug boat was passing by and saw the man stranded, they honked the horn and shouted "sir are you ok! Hop on quick" the man replied " I don't need you! God will save me!" The tug boat crew kept on going...

    A month later, the man was exhausted and tired, he was on edge when a Yacht passed by
    "Sir! Are you alright here catch this life saver!!!" The man still refused, "I don't need this!!! Or you! My lord will save me!!" The yacht owner puzzled, continued his journey

    The stubborn and holy man died at see and went up to heaven, when he met God he asked God "how come you didn't save me all those days at sea!" To which God replied " I sent you 3 big boats you dummy!!!" Lol!!!
    Hope you enjoyed 😊 I am not good with jokes 😔

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  • my neighbor has two little girls, so some time back they told me one, its kinda lame... but it sticks in my head for some reason

    Question: What do you call a sun burnt snowman
    Answer: a puddle

    *After they saw my reaction, they laughed and laughed... made me laugh too... sweet kids

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  • There are lots lol they're usually from me though lol XD
    your so poor that you have to eat the gamil spam for dinner
    Penn State likes to lose at half time cause in Penn state they like it when your a little behind in the locker room XD its a joke cause Joe Parteno a foot ball coach for 10 years was molesting boys in the locker room and now he is in jail lol.

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  • This guy said Genie23 was nice... I'm still laughing at that joke >:D

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  • This joke about a scottish guy that fucked a goats... Oh god.. The jist of it is that this guy is sitting in a bar and he tells the guy across the bar about himself. He says "so you see that barn out there, I built it with me bare hands.. But the don't call me McGregor the barn builder. And this bar we sit in I built with me own two hands, but I'm not call McGregor the bar builder. And that dock down there, I built it by myself but they don't call me the dock builder... But ya fuck one goat..."

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  • Two whales walk into a bar.
    The first whale says "WHOOOOWAGPOOOOOEEEE"
    The second whale says "God damnit Frank, you're already drunk.

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  • The teacher asked Jimmy, "Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?" Jimmy replied crying, "Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"

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  • The the internet is not real life.

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    • It isn't? ;o Oh my! My whole life has been a lie ;p lol

    • Tell me about it.
      I remember before the internet when we all lived in this fake would where everyone was friendly and had respect and discipline.
      how fake life was.

  • Have heared many jokes but last Saturday I went to cabaret and they told some funny jokes... I can tell them but it won;t be as funny when I tell them :-(

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  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator😂

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  • My teachers saying that I had potential.
    Hehheh... Hoo...
    ... I-I think I'll have a lie down.

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  • You should try listening to these clips

    https://soundcloud.com/danish-sait

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    • It doesn't play. :/ Do I have to download it's app?

    • Show All
    • Cell phone :/

    • well its your choice if you wanna download the app and listen to it. But if you wanna have a good laugh you should download the sound cloud app and search for "danish sait" . Its pretty funny as far as my experience is concerned, since it takes a lot for me to laugh at a joke ;)

  • Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

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  • Umm.. you :) <3

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What Girls Said 5

  • Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?

    Now watch a video version of the joke
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sPxt2x9uwdw

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  • What's long green and smells like pork? Kermit the Frogs finger

    How do you annoy Lady GaGa? Poke her face

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  • @rthomas43

    That's it. He's the joke.

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  • hahaha.. what a joke.. lol..

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  • "Spell me."
    "Me."
    "You forgot the D."
    "There's no D in me. 😳"
    "Not yet. 😉"
    "😳"

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