Can someone tell me a joke?

Im just so upset i really want to laugh or at least smile 😒

Updates:
All of the jokes were so great

I laughed ao much that i fell on the floor and hit my head onthe table. man that hurted me 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

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Most Helpful Guy

What Guys Said 15

  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwkIy0SJzqQ

    Yakavetta: I’m having a shitty day. I’m depressed. Tell me a funny joke.
    Rocco: Now? A joke? Uh… um, uh… A joke. Yeah, alright. Um… There’s these, uh, three guys, uh… a-a-a-a spic, a-a-a-a white guy and a black guy.
    Yakavetta: n**.
    Rocco: Yeah, n-n- Yeah. And-and they walk along the beach, they see this pot, they rub it, genie comes out. Genie says, you know, “You wish for anything you want.” So, he asks, uh-uh, Mexican what-what he wants, and he goes, uh, uh, “I want, uh, all my people in America to be happy and free and in Mexico.” And so, genie – Poof! And, all the spics are in Mexico. And then he asks the black guy…
    Vincenzo Lipazzi: n**.
    Rocco: Yeah, that’s what I said. Goes to the, uh- uh, n**, says, uh, “What do you want?” And he goes, um, uh, “I want all my African- my n** brothers in America to be back in Africa and-and happy and everything.” You know? So, genie goes poof! And, um, all the niggers in America are in Africa. And, uh, uh, uh, this is go- I’m not funny today. I-I know. I’m havin’ a hard day. I-I-I- This joke sucks. It’s-it’s-it’s a stupid joke.
    Yakavetta: Continue the joke.
    Rocco: So the genie says to the white guy, uh, um, “What’s your one wish?” And the white guy goes, “You mean to tell me all the niggers and spics are out of America?” Genie goes, “Yeah.” He says, “Well, um, I’ll have a Coke, then.”

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  • "The government is excellent and uses your tax dollars efficiently. "

    The rights of this joke goes to Ron Wanson Hahahahha

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  • A lonely woman, aged 70, decided
    that it was time to. get married. She
    put an ad in the local paper that
    read:
    HUSBAND WANTED!
    MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
    MUST NOT BEAT ME,
    MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
    AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
    ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN
    PERSON.
    On the second day she heard the
    doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
    opened the door to see a gray-
    haired gentleman with no arms or
    legs sitting in a wheelchair.
    The old woman said, "You're not
    really asking me to consider you, are
    you? Just look at you... you have no
    legs!" The old man smiled,
    "Therefore I cannot run around on
    you!"
    She snorted. "You don't have any
    hands either!"
    Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I
    beat you!"
    She raised an eyebrow and gazed
    intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
    With that, the old gentleman leaned
    back, beamed a big broad smile and
    said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

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  • I wish i could give you soup that would cheer you up!
    But its too hot for that so i would just buy you ice cream :)

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  • When i was young and i had to do the chores

    i Hated when you are almost done doing the dishes and someone comes and
    puts their plate in the sink

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  • I could, but then I would have to bury you.

    'Cause you would die laughing.

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  • What my little berry is sad? Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator

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  • What do you call a legless dog? You don't call it you just go get it.

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  • turkish girls dont cry!

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  • Penn State likes to lose at half time cause at Penn State Joe Paterno likes to behind the boys in the locker room.

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  • go to youtube and search George Carlin

    ^^ he helps

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  • This will make you laugh a lot lol

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aoE8ZFgb_Gc

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  • Where are you from?

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  • So a Priest and a Rabbi are talking and the priest says. "I know you are not permitted in your religion to eat pork but i wonder have you ever tried it?"
    The Rabbi hems and haws a bit then admits curiosity got the better of him once and he did try a bit.
    "How was it?" asks the Priest. The Rabbi had to admit he found it delicious.
    After a while the Rabbi turns the priest and says, "So as I understand it you are supposed to remain celibate in your faith. Have you ever been with a woman?"
    The priest blushes deeply but after a few false starts and stammers, has to admit that once he did indeed succumbed to the pleasures of the flesh.

    After a pause the Rabbi gives the priest a knowing look, nods and says, "It's a lot better than pork, isn't it?"

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What Girls Said 5

  • Once upon a time a humble crab fell in love with Princess Lobster and she with him. They enjoyed an idyllic relationship, but one day Princess Lobster came to Crab in floods of tears saying that King Lobster would not let her see Crab any more.

    'But why?' gasped the humble crab.

    'Daddy says that crabs are too common,' sobbed the princess. 'You're a lower class of crustacean, and anyway, you walk sideways.'

    Crab was shattered and scuttled away to drink himself into forgetfulness.
    That night was the occasion of the great Lobster Ball and lobsters came from far and near for feasting and merrymaking. Princess Lobster, however, sat by her father's side inconsolable.

    Suddenly, the doors flew open. It was the humble crab. Slowly, painstakingly, he made his way to the throne - walking dead straight, one claw after another. A silence gathered around the room. All the lobsters' eyes fell on the intruder.

    Step by painful straight step he approached until he looked King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally the King spoke:

    "Humble crab, you have shown to me that you are able to walk with dignity, you are worthy enough to marry my daughter. Please, take your place at my side."

    The humble crab bowed before the king, as he stepped up to take his place the princess kissed him on the cheek 'I'm so proud of you!' to which the humble crab replied:

    'Fuck, I'm pissed!'

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  • *something I found in my Romanian book, lol 😂* :
    Wife: Honey, we don't have water.
    Husband: Sweetheart, it's raining so hard that even the dog can't stay outside!
    Wife: Then don't bring the dog!

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  • i'll pass,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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  • Kilt... what happened to the last guy who called it a skirt...

    👀

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