Guys, would you date a girl with problems?

so i have some minor problems that i'm actively working on, but by the way most relationships go and how i think, i know that it could be a big factor in my lovelife basically. I don't know what i want.. or i do, i want a serious relationship were we are equale and are pretty much best friends who are lovers.

But whenever i meet a guy i lower the standards to just something less serious, and i think i do it because a part of me knows its not going to work out.. so by not giving it my all or trying to find faults with the guy im dating im kinda distancing myself emotionally so it won't hurt as much when it ends..

Ofc, i want it to work.. but i have been burned before.. And on top of that im experiencing external pressure from my family and other people too (technically internal pressure, but it feels like people expect me to have a boyfriend)... i feel like a failure when i can't get a boyfriend... my mother was and still is very pretty and she had several boyfriends.. and when she met my dad she knew she wanted him and just went for it.. and now they have been married for 24 years.. I meet a lot of guys, but it never works out.. and i feel embarssed by that.

Anyway, so you might understand i have some issues... so would you date someone like me or should i just stay away from guys all togheter?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on the problems and if she's dealing with them or is at least willing to deal with them.

    Your "problems" aren't really problems though. You have been led on and hurt, it wasn't your fault. I know exactly how you feel. I have been fucked over and led on so many times that now I have trust issues as well as very low expectations.

    Don't get me wrong, I do not have low standards. I have very good (and reasonable) standards. It's only my expectations that are low. You could be everything I want in a girl and then some, and I would still expect shit to happen. Is it cynical? Yeah probably. But it has been helping me lately.

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    • Also, no offense to your mom, but having a lot of boyfriends isn't exactly something to be proud of. It indicates that either she has horrible taste in guys, or she was always the problem. She got lucky with your dad.

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    • I'm sorry, it was not my place to say that about your mom. It's just that whenever I hear people talk about how they or someone they know has been in many relationships before, they say it like it's something to be proud of. When in reality, being able to stay in the same relationship is more noteworthy.

    • Like your parents' relationship is something to take pride in, especially considering how common divorce is in America (I'm assuming you live in the US)

What Guys Said 15

  • sounds like you have a fear of rejection. I'd be very hesitant to get involved with a girl who was ready to call a relationship a failure from the beginning. There are already lots of strains and impediments to a relationship without the person already seeing the relationship as done from the beginning

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    • yeah i am.. its difficult to not as yourself questions like "whats wrong with me" when it doesn work out... because i do feel like i have a lot to offer and that im a catch, so when i can't get a boyfriend it confused me and it makes me lose confident in myself

    • I think, and I can say this because I was in the same boat at a time, that you shouldn't date until you are ready to date and take the leap of faith that is required to date. for me that meant taking years off of dating until I felt like I could enter a relationship without the baggage of almost automatically feeling like it wouldn't work out from the beginning

  • Don't feel embarrassed there's nothing wrong with you, relationships aren't always that great. Everyone has problems, would you feel better if i told you that my girlfriend is a psychopath, and probably going to kill me in a few days, but it's not that she treats me like shit all the time or that she cut my face in half or even just not caring about me that makes me feel bad, it's that i don't think i can trust anyone anym

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    • Sorry pressed send by accident.

      Anymore, but eventually I will move on and meet the right person, you don't have to meet the one when you're 12 years old, he will come eventually, my advice is don't rush it like i did everything has it's time and it's ok to have problems cause everyone else does

  • I think you should slow down and just focus on becoming a greater you first.

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  • Depends on the type of problems, many i am ok with.
    Can you give me a good example?

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    • did you read my question at all?

    • I didn't accociate that with the problems because that would be no problem for me, i thought you ment something beyond what you posted. If because of your past your slow to opening up or purpusely dont attach yourself to soon then thats something i could perfectly live with. I'd simply wait until you feel comfortable to do so.

  • I'd recommend staying away from guys altogether, it's better to be celibate.

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  • everyones got problems lol. so of course.

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  • hmm... well it depends on if the feeling of " its doomed and not going to work" are overpowering and you feel like you really NEED to find faults with the guy.

    Learning to be happy in just being you is really important. Hard though.

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    • well i feel like i start with fresh start when i meet a new guys because i know everyone its different.. but if im unsure of some of his behavior or he does something that i find weird i start imgaine it not working out.. And i dont think i have a need to find fault.. but whenever the guys dont like the same things as i do i think of its as a fault.. for example not the last guy, but the guy before didn't like to work out (the gym) and didn't like mucular women.. i go to the gym a lot and i powerlift.. and eve though i wasn't super muscular i concidered dumping him because "what if i become muscular, he might dump me".. so its to as much as trying to find their faults.. its more about finding reasons we dont go togheter.. even if its minor things in the bigger picture

    • ahh ok, well you will always find things since guys are never perfect. Hmm... I would get on with my life for a few months or a year max and then try again once you hopefully are a little happier and settled x

  • What person doesn't have problems? I bet at any time in a person's life there is a problem while in a relationship: studying, work, money, family, health. As long as you're honest with your partner throughout it should mitigate some of the pressure.

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  • Lmfao, you consider those problems lol. I would have no problem dating someone like you.

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  • Who doesn't have issues? We're all human.

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  • I have done and would do again, I stay chill and take it in my stride.

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    • thats very good to hear :) made feel a little better about my situation

    • good stuff, that's the name of the game!

  • I would date you, someone's past doesn't matter.. The future does

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  • Can I hug her?

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  • Stop pushing people away. You can't tell if it'll work unless you try it. Everyone has problems I can't imagine yours are so bad as to make you untouchable. Just give it a go, maybe you'll be surprised.

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  • I would. And I understand where you're coming from. I've had a few relationships where I simply didn't care as much as I felt I should have. I wanted to and they were really good/nice girls. I just wasn't all there

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