My biological time clock is ticking. What's a single women to do?

Im 37 and very single. I have 1 kid age 6 and everything in me wants more children. Its to the point where every month I get a little depressed because that's another wasted egg and pretty soon I won't have any left. I feel like I'm desperate for a man want to marry me and have kids with. Reality is that I may not get another opportunity to have another child.

So my question is has anyone else experienced this and how did you deal with or get over these intense emotional issues?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand that you want more children, and want to have a man in your life to raise them with you as a traditional family. Those are all normal desires, and there's no shame in that. But those desires in life are the type that just can't be rushed "against the clock" to be achieved. It can't happen out of "desperation" as you put it, to achieve a pre-set checklist of goals before time runs out. Marriage, kids, and family... all three of them need REAL love to be healthy and sound -- and you just can't rush love.

    Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won't. But one thing you do NOT want is to allow your "biology" to rush you into some man and pump out more kids, and then realize after that -- once you've calmed down -- that this man wasn't right for you as a romantic life partner, and then at best you both stay together "for the children" in an awkward, strained semblance of a family built on love, but actually only was built on "biological urges". Kids have a way of sensing when things are not quite right between their parents -- even if only subconsciously sometimes -- and it tends to negatively affect their views of romantic relationships and marriage when they get older.

    Perhaps the best thing to do is to try and focus on just being the best mother you can be, to the kid you already have. And to enjoy your lives together as much as possible, before he or she grows up. You have a kid already who needs you. If you focus too much on a hypothetical future that may not even turn out to be real, you may be letting pass by some time and chances you already have here -- now -- with the child you DO have. Your 6-year-old is REAL. Anything in the future may not be real. We have such precious little time with the real people we have and love in this world, that we shouldn't waste any time pining or chasing after shadows.

    I've seen too many mothers and their children regret that they should have spent the time they had with each other in a better way. You don't want to look back on your real kid's childhood --- which will go by SO fast --- and remember that you spent a considerable portion of those years fretting over hypothetical kids and wanting more than the real one you already had in your arms! Try to remember that many women in this world have wanted children too, but never got the chance to have even one! In a way, you're already one of the lucky ones. :)

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    • Thank You. I do see your point. As far as being the best mother and focusing on my child I am. This is a feeling I can't shake. Thanks for the great advice

    • You're welcome. ^^ And I think I understand, in the sense that there are some things in life we can reason out to ourselves on a logical level (e. g. in this case, reasoning that you don't actually NEED all that extra stuff beyond your existing child), but logic is not enough: there comes a point where we just have to FEEL it too, in order to fully grasp it and be able to say that we truly "get it". It can take time, but I hope you are able to find that place. :) I mean, how is your kid? -- enjoying first or second grade, I imagine? Then you still have some good years ahead together for both of you. I remember those years with my own mom, and she made it so nice for me, and I feel like I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world! Try to love him/her and enjoy it as much as you can, ok? :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm aware of it. But not to the point of being depressed.

    I'd say be thankful for the kid you do have and up your self-esteem. Remember, men are "hunters." They can smell desperation from miles away, which is a huge turn-off for most of them except the worst ones. You don't deserve that.

    There is also always the option of sperm banks and adoption.

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    • You are so right thank you.

What Guys Said 6

  • For all my shitty attitude, I do genuinely feel for women (and indeed, people in general) that have strong maternal/paternal instincts and want more children. It's such a natural thing that I can definitely sympathise with because even at my young age of 20, I'm definitely not "against" the idea of having kids.

    I truly hope you can find someone and I mean that.

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  • Freeze eggs
    IVF
    sex with friend telling him upfront that u wanna get pregnant and he doesn't have any responsibiluty

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  • Why not get a sperm donor? You can be picky about that stuff and make sure you get someone with good genetics.

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    • I thought about it. although it is the easiest way to do it , I don't want to be a single parent again. I want to be a traditional family. If Thats even possible. Artificial insemination is an option that I may have to reevaluate. Thanks for your input

    • You're already a single mother so I don't think it will hurt your chances at finding a man to fall in love with by having two children. Who knows maybe the guy will give you a third if you find him in time.

  • Well I think the question you need to ask yourself is, why do you want another kid, you already have one and seemed to be doing just fine without a man in your life, why add more stress to that?

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    • Everyone needs companionship. I don't see It stressful about having a mate. But Im not going to settle again though. I have been trying to keep positive over the years But now im working on being realistic that this is it and to just be grateful.

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    • Clearly I don't feel that way.

    • I'm sorry you feel that way then

  • If I was your child, I'd just LOVE the thought that I was only born into this cruel world because my mother's "biological clock" was ticking. Why don't you adopt a child that already exists and give them a chance to live a life that's a bit less shitty than growing up in an orphanage or something?

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    • There is a reason why people go to other countries to adopt. And as for your other comment I wanted more children Period I didn't just wake up and say "im getting older I guess I need to have a kid". You seem angry at the fact that I want to have children. You're young and not really who I wanted an answer from. Seeking advice from older adults. But thanks for letting me know your opinions

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    • In no way do I hate you my point is you clearly dont want kids. I Do and always have. This word is not perfect nor has it ever been you make the most of it. So no im not in lala land. I mentioned that you are young because you are. You don't have to deal with not being able to have kids because of your biological age so its something that most young men don't worry about. So don't take offense to my comment because i'm not out to offend anyone. You feel differently than I do that's it. Not a big deal

    • I do want children; I've always been told I'm really great with children, and that's not something people say easily if you're a man. But I'll try to do that by adoption, even if that will be hard. And before that, I'll make sure I'm financially well off and in a stable relationship with a woman who would make a good mother in my opinion. Because I think children need two parents. And biological reproduction certainly isn't an option for me. It may be unusual to look at child birth from a moral point of view, but I've done it and there's no turning back now. The moral choice here is between willingly forcing a meaningless life on a child that cannot consent to that, which is nothing but unnecessary, preventable suffering, or getting a child that already exists out of an orphanage and into a loving family. I don't really expect you to understand that, but for me it's pretty clear. "Life is what you make of it" just as much as being raped is what you make of it. That's no excuse, really.

  • Perhaps you should have thought about that in your youth when you were out partying because "you dont need a man!" Now you are a single mom. Not impossible, but not lookong good.

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    • I wasn't out partying. Lol im quite the opposite. Im am and have always been a family person. I know it's not looking good. I was looking for advice not you should have done this or that. Thanks for responding to my post

    • Single dads, as rare as they are, are usually much more open to, and actually prefer dating single moms. Try and seek them out.

    • Thanks

What Girls Said 1

  • look for sperm banks

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