Im 37 and very single. I have 1 kid age 6 and everything in me wants more children. Its to the point where every month I get a little depressed because that's another wasted egg and pretty soon I won't have any left. I feel like I'm desperate for a man want to marry me and have kids with. Reality is that I may not get another opportunity to have another child.
So my question is has anyone else experienced this and how did you deal with or get over these intense emotional issues?
Most Helpful Guy
I understand that you want more children, and want to have a man in your life to raise them with you as a traditional family. Those are all normal desires, and there's no shame in that. But those desires in life are the type that just can't be rushed "against the clock" to be achieved. It can't happen out of "desperation" as you put it, to achieve a pre-set checklist of goals before time runs out. Marriage, kids, and family... all three of them need REAL love to be healthy and sound -- and you just can't rush love.
Maybe it will happen. Maybe it won't. But one thing you do NOT want is to allow your "biology" to rush you into some man and pump out more kids, and then realize after that -- once you've calmed down -- that this man wasn't right for you as a romantic life partner, and then at best you both stay together "for the children" in an awkward, strained semblance of a family built on love, but actually only was built on "biological urges". Kids have a way of sensing when things are not quite right between their parents -- even if only subconsciously sometimes -- and it tends to negatively affect their views of romantic relationships and marriage when they get older.
Perhaps the best thing to do is to try and focus on just being the best mother you can be, to the kid you already have. And to enjoy your lives together as much as possible, before he or she grows up. You have a kid already who needs you. If you focus too much on a hypothetical future that may not even turn out to be real, you may be letting pass by some time and chances you already have here -- now -- with the child you DO have. Your 6-year-old is REAL. Anything in the future may not be real. We have such precious little time with the real people we have and love in this world, that we shouldn't waste any time pining or chasing after shadows.
I've seen too many mothers and their children regret that they should have spent the time they had with each other in a better way. You don't want to look back on your real kid's childhood --- which will go by SO fast --- and remember that you spent a considerable portion of those years fretting over hypothetical kids and wanting more than the real one you already had in your arms! Try to remember that many women in this world have wanted children too, but never got the chance to have even one! In a way, you're already one of the lucky ones. :)1
Most Helpful Girl
I'm aware of it. But not to the point of being depressed.
I'd say be thankful for the kid you do have and up your self-esteem. Remember, men are "hunters." They can smell desperation from miles away, which is a huge turn-off for most of them except the worst ones. You don't deserve that.
There is also always the option of sperm banks and adoption.2