Boyfriend forgot my birthday? He is mad?

So my friends organised a surprise birthday party for me yesterday at one of their houses and everyone was there except my boyfriend. We've been together for 4 years. When I asked my friends why he wasn't here they replied by saying that they sent him an invitation and even called several times to make sure he was informed. When I called him to ask why he wasn't there he said he totally forgot it was my birthday and when I got home and tried talking to him saying, I'm disappointed that he didn't remember and was upset that he wasn't there. Instead he gets mad at me saying his human and allowed to make mistakes and that its just a date and then he said that he hadn't forgetten in the past three years and that I shouldn't have reacted and that it didn't really matter if he wasn't there once. Instead of me being mad, he ended up getting mad.

am I the wrong one for being upset? Is him being mad okay?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • This kind of stuff is bound to happen. Was it really important enough for you to go through that? Was both of you being mad worth it? I understand that it sucks that he wasn't at your party but if he is at all like me, he simply forgot. He probably forgets lots of things. It's not that I wouldn't go, I would just forget that it is today. I would be a little pissed about not being there but I would quickly move on. I think you should have too. He can always do something for you the next day or something. It's not a good reason for people to get mad at each other.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You every right to be upset.

    But at the same time, you shouldn't be too hard at him because there's nothing he can do to change the past.
    I would expect that he tried to make it up to you (by taking you out) and apologizing (instead of getting defensive about it).
    The way in which you approached the topic may have triggered his reaction.

    I think you should let this go.
    If he's usually good at remembering your birthday , you shouldn't kill him over one time ( I know it's very upsetting ).
    Allow him to patch things up with you.. instead of making him feel more bad about it.
    He can't go back into the pass and fix things.

    I think you should attempt to talk to him again.
    Apologize (on your behalf) for seeming as if you wanted to pick a fight with him.
    Let him know that you were just very hurt and disappointed.
    He will probably apologize on his behalf as well.
    Move forward for this.
    Make up with each other.
    You both love one another... I think you should try to move past this instead of creating an even bigger issue of what already is.

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    • Since he sees how much this upset you, I'm pretty sure he'll make every effort to not forget your birthday again.

What Guys Said 6

  • Is he one of those guys who thinks the best defense is a good offense?

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  • Sounds like a shitty boyfriend (no offense)
    How the fuck do you forget your girlfriend's birthday? Even though you were reminded multiple times. He gets mad? This is making me angry. He is the one in the wrong he has no ground to stand on ffs.

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  • You had an expectation of him that was perfectly reasonable.
    He did not meet your expectation.
    He doesn't think that your expectation is important enough to even acknowledge, and makes excuses for himself.
    When it is his birthday, do nothing for him and see if he has a double standard (he does if he gets upset)
    Or just dump him now for being a selfish prick who doesn't even have the spine to apologise for his mistake.

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  • I think you're right to be upset, especially in a 4 year relationship. It should be a good opportunity for him to show you how much he cares instead of forgetting.

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  • here there are two reasons
    1. he has some serious problem.
    2. he is trying to breakup with you.

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    • Couldn't have said it better myself

    • sorry. what do you mean?
      @kittykatg

    • You hit the nail on the head. They've been together 4 years and he is pissed at her that he forgot her birthday. He either has some issues/is an asshole or is trying to leave her without doing the breaking up, or both.

  • how can he forget:)

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What Girls Said 9

  • I don't think you're wrong for being upset. I mean, a birthday is a pretty small thing for him to remember, it's not like you're asking him to remember the date you first held hands or something. You've been together for four years, which is roughly the same time as I've been with my boyfriend, and I know I'd be disappointed if he forgot my birthday after knowing me for that long (we've known each other for 8 years in total, and my birthday is only 5 days after his). Besides, his excuse seems bullshit considering he got an invitation to the party and was called so he did know about it, he just decided not to turn up.

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  • You have every right to be upset. He doesn't really care about you or your feelings. I used to date a guy like that and it's the start of abusive behavior. He'll make you always feel in the wrong and crazy if you let him. Birthdays are just another day and I hate celebrating mine but it's still nice to just hear "happy birthday" front the ones I really care about. He should've been able to do just that even if he forgot to get a gift or anything else

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  • Well... No, you're not wrong for being mad. But I do agree a little with him. Accidents happen. If this is the only big problem you've had with him, it shouldn't really be an issue. If anything, I would have approached him with a sadness instead of being mad. People sympathize more with despair.

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  • he obviously didn't forget. your friends called and reminded him several times AND you're his girlfriend so he should've known. i mean come on its been 4 years and he still doesn't remember? people in relationships usually obsess over bdays for a week or two.

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  • No it's not okay, he's getting mad to shift the blame from himself to you. Tell him to smarten the hell up and that your friends didn't forget and planned you a whole party while he couldn't be bothered to remember to show up. He's an adult he should accept the fact he fucked up and no get mad at you for his mistakes

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  • i think he is mad because he is embarrassed
    you are not wrong for being upset though

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  • I think he definitely flipped out. It's not like you yelled at him that he forgot, you just told him you were upset. He has no right to get mad. I'm not trying to plant anything in your head but does he usually flip and get defensive about things?

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  • its just a misunderstanding

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  • I think that you can be upset I would be as well.
    And your friends informed him.
    No he doesn't have the right to be mad actually I would be embarrassed!
    Don't feel guilty or anything you did nothing wrong.

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