How to stop dwelling on the past?

Last summer I started talking to a girl. I was crazy about her, and she definitely liked me too. However, due to extreme shyness and lack of experience, I messed it up. I would text her everyday and see her every weekend, yet I never made a move, kissed her, or even confessed my feelings for her. So we remained just friends.

Despite people telling me not to, I still talk to her a lot. We officially established we were just friends when she got a boyfriend in March (who she has since broken up with and started dating a new guy). I don't really like her anymore, but I can't help but think to last summer when I did like her. For example, I'll think to myself "A year ago today we were hanging out. Should of made a move that night. This past year would of been so much better."

I obviously have a lot of regrets that I can't stop dwelling on. Any advice on making these thoughts go away?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in pretty much the exact same boat. She kept dating douches while totally ignoring me, and it hurt. Like those cheating scum were better than her closest companion.

    My advice? Stop talking to her. Block her, do whatever you've got to do to get over it NOW. I've continued to talk with Cheyenne off and on for four years after messing things up, and it's only gotten worse.

    Our relationship is ruined. I guess it was doomed from the moment I said I loved her. Even now, I'm having a hard time moving on. I keep getting my hopes up over small things, only to have them squashed later on.

    It's not worth the rollercoaster of ups and downs.

    Go out in public. Be around other people. Just the other day, I had a great time with a really cute girl at King's Island, but ended up losing her in the crowd before we could swap info. A real shame, because we really hit it off.

    Story of my life, but it doesn't have to be yours. Go out there and be that guy, bro. You can do it. Don't worry about being shy. That was my mistake. You'll end up in an insecure self-doubt spiral that leads nowhere.

    Just smile, have fun. Laugh. Do things. Talk. Be spontaneously YOU!

    I've got faith in you.

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    • Thank you for the advice. I've been debating whether or not to stop talking to her for a long time, and I think I'm finally gonna do it now.

      Any advice on stopping talking to her? Should I read her next text and just never respond? Or should I let her know I can't talk to her anymore?

    • Show All
    • Yeah, I’ve been putting myself out there more. I joined Tinder and started going out more with my friends. Once I start at my new college next month I’m hoping to meet/talk to more girls.

      As for breaking it off, I’d definitely prefer no drama. But I just don’t want things to be awkward, because I’m still going to see her around. We live 2 blocks away from each other and go to the same gym, so seeing her again is inevitable

    • Then just stop writing her. If she writes you, then you can either reply or not, but keep it distant. Make it clear in your manner that you're moving on. She goes her way, you go hers. You'll say hi if you run into her, but you're moving out of each other's circles.

What Girls Said 1

  • Focus on the present. That's how

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What Guys Said 1

  • You have to understand that experiences do not define who you are. You are the awareness who experienced those events. Once you start to compile them into some sort of edifice that you label as yourself it can truly bring about some grief.

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