Would you lie to spare someone's feelings?

My friend got diagnosed with a chronic illness, so she was pulled out of school to get treatment. I hadn't seen her in almost half a year, and she showed up to visit. The treatment made her really... big. Her face was puffy, and she looked like she'd gained a lot of weight when it was really the medicine (or the weight gain was an unavoidable side effect of it. I'm not quite sure). She seemed really sad about her appearance, and said that she was unrecognizable because of how fat she was. My group of friends got really really quiet, so I blurted out something along the lines of "no way! you're not fat at all!"

Was this right of me? I hated that she was suffering a low self esteem because of unavoidable circumstances, but was it right of me to lie?

Thanks!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hi. I'm the a. hole who wrote the take on "if you're fat, I'm going to call you fat. damnit.".

    This is a tough situation you're presented with here. I personally wouldn't have lied to her. To say something like that - "no way! you're not fat at all!" is transparently patronizing. However, because it's a chronic illness, it's certainly not the time to point out that she's gained weight.

    Every time I've been in your situation, I've always been completely honest, but in the nicest possible way. For example, if she asked me whether or not she's fat, I'd respond with, "well... look... there's no point lying to you. But c'mon. We all know that this is because of the side effect, and when you're well enough to get off this medicine, you'll bounce back into shape in no time. I'm just glad that you're here with us and allowing us to be by your side as you fight through this.".

    There's no guarantee that she'll take it well. It's a shit situation to be in for everyone around, but these are the moments that tests our courage and our friendships, and when they emerge at the other end, they become stronger because of these experiences. Good luck.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Of course with it Not being true with your out of the blue 'Blurt out' that she was Buying it. However, you were the Only one who didn't stand there like a fart in the wind and Just... Got really really quiet.
    You had the goalies and the good grace to try and cheer her up about her face. Even though at the time it it Felt right and Now, you feel it Wasn't 'Right,' you showed her you were the Admirable one in Being a Friend and not just a Fair weather one who stood there catching flies without giving out lies.
    It shows me, her as well, that you have a heart of gold. Even to cheer her up and tell her it's okay, don't worry, everything will find away to work itself up, they are the Ones who looked like they had the Egg on their faces. What must That 'Appearance' have looked like?
    Good luck. xx

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    • ... Not buying it,' I meant to say, sweetie. xx

    • Thank you so much! :)

    • So welcome, sweetie, and believe me, I have been in this tough spot before and.. More. xxoo

What Guys Said 7

  • I don't think it was necessarily wrong but I don't think it would do much good. The lie was with good intention but the fact is it was still a lie and she was perfectly aware of her condition so its kind of hard to tell someone a lie when they already know the truth. Perhaps next time this topic comes up you can mention that its a side affect of the medication and that onec she deals with it she will be able to shed the weight and be her old self again. Just a reminder that its temporary, that there are ways around it would probably be more helpful. Can I ask what illness? Sometimes with a little research you can find ways to if not resolve the issues at least lessen the effects.

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  • It is never right to lie. Morally it's wrong but you can make some exceptions if you want too. My answer to your question is I would never lie just to spare someone's feelings, I will speak the truth in a gentle, soft way and try my best not to hurt the other person's feelings, but I won't lie.

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  • Depends because some people like that and some don't. So it depends on the person.

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  • Yes I would completely and the reasoning behind it is to spare them grief.

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  • A fat woman knows she's fat she's not blind so u hding it makes it seem worse then it. If u just said u gained a little weight it would be better because then she won't delude herself thinking are guys intimidated by me That's why dont like me? Lol she won't realise she's fat which makes her unattractive. So your helping her out in the long run trimming off some pounds. I tell girls if there a little chubby too skinny or whatever. Especially if they hit on me so it makes them realise it's unattractive and unhealthy. My girlfriend thinks im rude lol.

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  • your heart was in the right place you can always talk to her again about it if you are close just talk =)

    she will appreciate why you did what you did you are a good friend

    its not so much a lie if its a blurt anyway, so she's big so what big can be beautiful

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  • Of course.

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What Girls Said 6

  • If she's really fat like, most people would say it... and then 'You're not fat at all!!'... She'll know :/
    But it was right of you

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  • You were trying to be a good friend and that is what counts.

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  • If there was no way for it to hurt them in the long run, then yes.

    If they asked me if they were a horrible person (and I truly didn't think they were that great) as long as they hadn't actually killed anyone, then I would lie and tell them they were a good person, but would also give them little hints that will help them make people like them.

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  • I don't think its a good idea to lie but maybe you can tell her that you are her friend no matter what she looks like.

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  • I think it's ok to tell a white lie to spare someone's feelings. There's no reason to make her feel worse than she already does. But telling a more obvious lie tells her that you don't mean it and can make you seem less trustworthy as a friend.

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  • yes i would.

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