Ladies, how do I get rid of my bitterness?

I have already tried seeing a psychologist but that is working slowly.


Most Helpful Girl

  • There's no instant solution and it would feel tiring and seem endless. Sadly, it really is a slow process :(

    All i can say is you can either cry and be angry (not violence) at yourself or to the world and think about it until you can accept things and realize that there are things we can't control OR this may sound cliche but to distract yourself like hang out with friends and family to make you feel welcomed and loved will make you forget those bitterness.

    When you sleep at night, it would be hard not to think about the pain, like @pnl86 said, forgiveness would heal your heart. Forgive yourself and accept what has happened would give you a peace of mind (this doesn't sound easy but one day you can finally think like this) wish you the best :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Anger towards others is like a debt that can never be repaid, but a burden that you have to keep carrying day-in and day-out.

    When you have hate and anger towards others, the only person who suffers is you. Deep down inside, you know this, and so you want to do things to make others suffer as much as you are suffering. That is not the solution.

    The solution is "forgiveness."

    I know "forgiveness" might sound like "surrendering" or "giving up," but it's not.

    Forgiveness is not something you do "for others," it's something you do "for yourself." You are not "excusing" the way others think or the beliefs they hold. You simply "understand" why others are the way they are, and "accept" that you can both co-exist.

    “It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” - Aristotle

    Just because you "understand" why someone thinks a certain way doesn't mean you "accept" or "agree" with that same belief.

    Just because you can "accept" co-existing peacefully with someone who holds beliefs different from your own does not mean that you "agree and accept" their beliefs.

    Atheists can live with Christians. Democrats and live with Republicans. Men can live with women.

    You can "understand" that because of the "best interests" of women (in terms of their children succeeding and surviving, in terms of them surviving, and in terms of maximizing their reproductive value), for the past 10,000 years (prior to birth control or Roe v. Wade), "sex" was largely the "only" bargaining chip and "thing of value" that women had to offer a man. So, it made sense to guard it closely and try to collude together to form a "culture" and "system of socially accepted, undisputed, and excusable beliefs" that supported this agenda.

    Therefore, it's understandable that because of these "social pressures," parents mindlessly and automatically "conditioned, brainwashed, trained, programmed, etc." girls with a certain set of beliefs they called "morals." This adversely affected a girl's "superego," and made her natural sexual desire for men needlessly "emotionally conflict" with her desire to have a relationship with a man.

    Viewed this way, you can "accept" that in 2015, girls are more the "victim" of developmental trauma than the "villains" with malicious or selfish intent. They need "help and sympathy" more than "hate and anger."

    • Some have gone too far in the deep end and are beyond helping as a practical matter. Yet, that doesn't mean that "all" or "most" are completely lost. That's "catastrophic" thinking.

      That's just an example. I assumed that because you posted this question on GaG, it had something to do with bitterness towards guys or girls (as opposed to your work, your family, you boss, etc.). But, the same examples and themes can be applied towards anything or any group or even person you feel bitterness towards.

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What Girls Said 4

  • The fact that it's working is showing that its helpful.

    You have to give yourself time.
    That is the only way.

    Continue to work on yourself.
    Nothing I will say will help you get rid of those feelings overnight.

    You have to let go, and stop being so angry.

    When you let go, you will allow yourself to be freed.

    Stop looking at the past, and look towards the future for better and brighter days.

  • one day at a time is the best :) as long as you're actually seing progess, you're doing the right thing and taking the right steps :)

  • That's the only way that works. You didn't wake up bitter one day; it happened slowly over time. There's no other way for you to undo the process.

  • It's a paradox. You devote your time to something you don't like. Just drop it, focus on what you... Like.


What Guys Said 3