My boyfriend gets upsets when I don't answer the phone. When I do call him back he assumes that I was cheating. I told him that I was sleep and I didn't hear the phone. He curses me out for no reason and thinks he right about everything all the time. He makes me feel like I'm the villain and he's the victim. I don't know what to do. Guys and girls. Help me. What should I do? (He's 30 and I'm 21)
Most Helpful Guy
He needs to chill out. If you've explained already especially on multiple occasions that you're busy or sleeping or whatever. Then It's time to find someone new. He might have some trust issues in the past but it also sounds like insecurity about himself. Set your boundaries and put your foot down. If he can't respect or trust you then maybe it wasn't meant to be. Best of luck to you.1
Most Helpful Girl
That's tricky! He has some issues it sounds like! It could be a number of things. I'll name a few and they don't mean they pertain to him but it's just to give you a few ideas/insight.
He could in fact be cheating. Cheaters often do this. They constantly accuse because they are making up for their own guilty conscience by deflecting it on to you. They get paranoid thinking "oh shit... Well if I can do it what's stopping her?" It's also a manipulation tactic to deter you from finding out about their cheating. If you think they are so paranoid and against it, you may be less likely to suspect them of doing it.
He's ovbiously insecure. Maybe he's been cheated on a lot in the past and he has major trust issues. These don't get better unless he works on it. There isn't much you can say or do to appease him except answer the phone constantly which is next to impossible. It's really unrealistic and unfair for him to expect that of you. If I were in your shoes I'd never put up with it. I might start calling him at all hours accusing him of the same thing, just to let him know how it feels. But that isn't exactly the mature thing to do either.
He's controlling which is a huge red flag. If he already gets this upset when you don't answer your phone what's going to happen when you talk to a guy? Even if it's a casual conversation? Will he go ape shit? Probably. You may want to watch out because his kind of behavior and paranoia can often lead to abuse. It sounds like he could already be verbally and emotionally abusing you.
These types of situations rarely change. If you can't put up with it you may have to leave before things get worse. It's up to him to trust you and nothing you say or do will earn it. Unless you've cheated before or broken his trust he should not be acting this way. If you haven't this is clearly his own issue and not yours. And he has to fix it himself. And he likely won't while being in a relationship. Maybe gently suggest that he gets therapy. If you really want to stay with this guy it could be the only way.1