How do I stop hating myself?

i can feel good about things one day then another feel depressed. I keep worrying about everything and it's all getting on top of me, it's just ugh, hard. I like what I see in the mirror most of the time yet I still think I'm fat and unattractive, how do I get over that? I have zero confidence in myself and it's horrible


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I go with what @ Stacyzee says.

    There isn't one post where you are and that I haven't been going on and on about how beautiful you are ;) <3 and THAT isn't just flattery young lady :)

    It is an unfortunate thing that most beautiful people look at themselves with disdain. Beauty again is something that lies in the eyes of the beholder. However, there is something known as beauty that isn't dependent on a beholder and you are just that.

    This is the 2nd question where I notice that you are talking about being fat. Do you remember the picture I sent you on your last such question? ;) :D It's a fact and not a joke.

    Well I'm sure that you are confident about your looks reason being which you keep posting your face pics ;) :D <3 (so beautiful) but you sure are seriously in doubt about your body aka being fat. And again this is the 2nd time I'm telling you that a full profile pic will help settle that :)

    I'm sure you are attractive on the whole i. e. by face, body, mind and heart :)

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    • Aw thank you so much :) i might take one one day

    • Thank you, young lady for the up vote and MHO, your kind and thoughtful gesture stands well and wholly appreciated :)

      I will look forward to that day <3 :D

Most Helpful Girl

  • As someone that has observed your posts. I see that you constantly seek validation from others by constantly posting in the "How do I look?" section.
    The fact of the matter is, people can tell you that you're beautiful over 100 times but you'll never believe it.
    The insecurity issues are something that you have to fix on your own.
    No one can help you with it.
    The "flaw" that you mention can be fixed.
    If are overweight... why not try living a healthier life style?
    -Make the right choices when it comes to food
    -Eat smaller portions
    -Exercise
    When you shed the extra weight, you will feel better.
    I'm positive the attention that you get online, isn't the same as in real life.
    If it were... you wouldn't feel the need to seek validation.

    I think you are beautiful !
    But you have to believe it.
    Work on yourself! emotionally and physically.
    We all could be a better version of ourselves no matter how we appear to others!

    Best wishes
    <3

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    • *If you are overweight

    • Show All
    • @LovesTVDx , I can also tell you that this works. I know people who have completely transformed due to portion control, exercise (cardio especially, run, bike, even a daily walk will do you good), and better food choices. It's no joke.

    • Thanks for mho :)

What Guys Said 21

  • I get where you're coming from, really. Just replace feeling like you are "fat and unattractive" with "boring and uncool", and that's me. One day I feel like I can be interesting and that I can get good at the things I like and that I can solve my problems, get a girl, be a winner and be happy if I only persevere. And the next day I'll feel like there's just nothing I can do.

    Anyway. You, missy, are attractive. No doubt about it. I remember your "What's changed about me" thread where you posted two pics, one from last year and one from this year. And I stand by what I said. The one from last year was very pretty in and of itself. And the one from this year was gorgeous. I saw it and thought, wow, she's a total babe! You've got nice round features which make you incredibly cute, big beautiful eyes, a nice fair complexion, lovely red hair, and a heart-shaped face, which is my favorite face shape.

    You've also got that smile that you do, the quirky little smile. It's so sweet.

    Not only that, but I've seen some of your views on things and you seem like a genuinely good person, even in the modern world where trashiness, elitism, and meanness is seen as "cool". You seem to have a good sense of morality and character and haven't let the times warp you.

    Who knows... if you lived here in the States, I might just ask you out...

    Now, if only you liked, say, Tame Impala instead of Miley Cyrus... ah well, we can work on it! :P

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  • There's no easy answer to this, but if it makes you feel better in any way, you're not alone. Osho said:

    “Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance.”

    Sigh okay. I suppose I'm obliged to give some practical advice. Some questions to ask yourself (not for me).

    Why do you hate yourself so?
    Why do you look at yourself with such little compassion?
    Why are others opinions of you so important?
    Why does your self image and esteem rest on others?
    And if it does, how quickly can it all come tumbling down?

    Not judgmental questions. Just silent questions to keep asking. As Krishnamurti said, it is truth that liberates, not your effort to be free.

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    • Question six to nine:
      are you that unforgiving about other peoples' physical appearance?
      What do you find attractive in others? Is it the pure physicality of that person?
      Where did this notion come from that you're not attractive (probably the most important question to understanding)

  • if you find out you will have found the answer to like 90% of girl's problems everywhere. goodluck Alex! :) im rootin' for ya.

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  • You need to keep telling yourself positive things
    You need to be able to love yourself before anyone else
    I see nothing wrong your a very attractive young woman
    If you only knew that your the one girl on this site that
    i would trust my life with i do have lot of trust in you
    I believe i can tell you things and you wouldn't judge me
    I swear on my dogs life i mean what i just said i have little
    trust in other girls on here i wish i things with them can be different
    I hope things get better for you and most of all thanks for
    accepting me that right there means so much.

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  • You literally just have to realize you're not bad-looking at all, and you're not overweight.

    What's your BMI? If it's below 24, (especially if it's about 21), then you seriously just have to realize that the nagging thought is nothing but nonsense.

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  • First off u r not fat or unattractive u r really good looking as for "hating myself "part what was the worst thing u did in ur life? I don't want an answer but whatever was it it always got a solution and don't worry about things two things to be happy in life forget about the past and don't over think in the future and if u want to feel good about ur self put a goal in life about something u love something u r passionate about and try to reach it even if u didn't u will feel good about ur self , if u achieved a goal in life u won't be happy coz u achieved it u will be happy of the path u chose it's not about happiness it's about the pursuit of happiness

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  • Oh my god but ur soo cuuuuute <3 Aren't there any guys around to make you feel good about yourself? Maybe you don't go out that much. Confidence comes with experience. You will never improve if you don't show yourself to the world and hide all day at home.

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  • You must try to stick with the idea that you ARE NOT perfect.
    Neither are your friends. Neither is the guy you're about to meet or have met.
    What I mean is: those imperfections that you worry about are there. And the complete set of all those strong and weak points is called Alex :D
    And people like Alex as she is... so try to realize that those imperfections you worry about are there. But they're no worries :D

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  • Well; I can find some complex issues to damage my brain everyday, I can miss happy times of my life everyday profoundly and I can hate myself after thinking of these... I always imagine and wish; I was a teenage like younin my 17s;I am still like that. I don't think it is about age;it is about our characters. I think I am so emotional and I have an uncontrable passion so these details make me that :) But the difference is I don't hate myself;maybe do rarely... I suggest you not to do also, humankind is to love himself ^_^ <3

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  • By learning to accept yourself and stop trying to be like everyone else. Create your own world. You are the reason you are you. Take responsibility. Look into the future and change what needs to be changed. Don't dwell on the past. Also, dont, and I repeat do not feel sorry for yourself. Where u are in life is based on the choices that you've made.

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  • I think that you should watch some motivation speeches or read motivational novels to keep your spirits up. However, if you dont like how you look, you can always fix that. Going to the gym is great and makes you feel better about yourself. And lastly, surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself. Other than that, I've learned that if you want something bad enough, you can fix it. Everything takes work but after you achieve it, it feels great. So my answer is, throw yourself out there a little more and if you feel something, you can more than likely change it with a bit of effort!

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  • I'm there with you Alex. i find myself doing the same thing, only about my personality.

    One thing i try to do is anytime i have a negative thought i try to really think about it. like: 'I'm awkward'

    So i take that thought and just deconstruct it a bit, like what makes me awkward? Do i talk weird, do i look funny? my gestures? I find that it really is just an irrational thought that i have... and even if i am a bit awkward, so what? other people will have to accept that.

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  • Try to define happiness. What makes you happy? Think about what things in life are important to you. Do you have your priorities in order? Try reading Stacyzee's answer daily and understand that validation is not the root of happiness. Happiness is so much more than that. If you can try to be grateful for what you have. Being grateful can change you from your core and show you that your life and you are so special and beautiful.

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  • I know where you're coming from, but let's start with no, you're not fat. No you're not unattractive either. So now at least you can check both of those off your list of worries.

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  • You have to believe in yourself first of all. If you don't believe in yourself then other people won't either. Believe in yourself and your confidence will be boosted. Concentrate your thoughts on positive things.

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  • Alex, just remember that people love you. Like me: I love talking to you and want to get to know you better. You've been the best friend to me and I look forward to getting messages from you more than friends irl. You are amazing! x

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  • I don't hate myself but I'm in a similar situation sometimes where I feel worthless, so you can say that I'm not completely satisfied with how my life is going

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  • Life's shit mate.

    Fucking hell I'm bad with advice.

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  • I like you. You look like a girl from my class who I like.

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  • sounds like your bi-polar. If your fat is bothering you then hit the gym, diet, and jog. Stop playing the victim.

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  • Hit the gym girly.

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    • True. Working out does amazing things. Not just to the body, but to ur mind and ur self esteem. :D

    • @AmandaLynn1930 Yeah it helps me :)

What Girls Said 8

  • I used to have this issue too, and I got over it when I had a sudden revelation: I can't hate the flaws away. You can't hate yourself pretty, or skinny; you can't hate yourself into being smarter or more talented. Hating yourself further hinders your ability to improve because it causes depression and is generally considered extremely unattractive, so it's even more counterproductive. It will take time, but you have to learn to accept your flaws and WORK with them instead of beating yourself up over the fact that you weren't born perfect. Change what you can (for yourself, no one else, in the healthiest way possible) and learn to accept what you can't. The more YOU accept your flaws, the more other people will too, because seeing somebody embrace their imperfections is intoxicating and people appreciate it. You just have to give yourself a chance.

    Just hang in there. Hope this helps.

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  • If you don’t like something about yourself that you can actually change, start to do that today. Maybe you don’t like your weight you can start eating properly, and getting exercise today. Get involved with a sport or a favorite hobby. You’ll be amazed how good it makes you feel to take care of yourself.

    Don’t obsess over what you think are your flaws. Work on what you can change, and ask god to help you accept the rest. Create the healthy life you desire (and deserve.) Some people get trapped living miserable lives, not realising they have the ability to change their situation. Don’t you get stuck in that trap.

    Good luck, pretty girl <3.

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  • look love yourself and ever time you look at the mirror.. find something you like about youserlf, like your eyes, nose, your lips and so on.. and if you don't like how fat you might be,,, you can always work out and lose some weight ;) by the way you are a cutie pie!!

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  • According to me, if you don't feel good about your body or if you find it unhealthy, you should just work to make it better or accept and love yourself just the way you are. Drowning yourself in self pity won't do you any good, just work to make yourself the way you want yourself to be or be happy as it is. Nothing is more attractive than a girl who is beautiful in her own eyes :)

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  • I was like you about a year ago. The first step admitting that you want to change and get help. I had a hard time with that. I honestly used Pinterest. I have an amazing board that encouraged me and brought me up. I did a lot of shopping. I got rid of my old clothes and bought new ones, and I joined some clubs that would push me out of my comfort zone.

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  • Don't feel bad about yourself girly, you're beautiful *hugs* :) <3

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  • I have no idea, but you're not alone :(
    I think you're awesome, though!

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  • Well that's life for you.

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