How do I love myself, how do I beat this depression?

I'm clinically depressed, I hate myself, I am incapable of loving myself... In even liking myself.
I need help
Help me please

Updates:
This was not for attention. I really am clinically depressed. I had a mental breakdown today. So for those who thought I was bullshitting this post to get attention, you are ignorant. You are the kind of people who make others hate life. If you can't provide actual advice, then just get the fuck out of here.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Approaching it from the other angle, the absolute worst thing you can do is to keep it to yourself. You've gotta let other people in, because trust me, keeping it quiet is like the perfect environment to have depression fester.

    Can you speak to a therapist? That is the absolute first thing I'd recommend. Talk to a parent or another person who loves you, and let them help you find someone to talk to.

    Secondly, I know you said that you're not capable of loving yourself--and I TOTALLY believe that you feel that way, by the way--but consider this: you're battling, you're trying to overcome, you're reaching out. Those are things people do when they do care about and love themselves. And I think that's super courageous, too; reaching out is so not an easy thing to, on GaG or otherwise.

    I know I'm really just a random Internet stranger, but for what it's worth, I'm proud of you for that. :)

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    • Thank you for actually providing me with a real and thoughtful opinion. I really appreciate this.

    • Of course. You're welcome! Just try to remind yourself that you're still here and you're still plugging away. Only people who have been depressed know how major of a victory that is.

    • Yes, that is true. ☺

Most Helpful Girl

What Guys Said 19

  • Like #Dodgergm said + I was about to say the same thing basically "Approaching it from the other angle, the absolute worst thing you can do is to keep it to yourself. You've gotta let other people in, because trust me, keeping it quiet is like the perfect environment to have depression fester." I don't really know if you have friends that you feel really close to nor some guy in your life that you could really lean on when things get bad. But IMHO that is probably the best way to beat depression ya know via making lifetime memories with friends + laughing all day about this or that together. In order to keep your mind off whatever it is that life will/is throw/ing at you. And hell fighting ___ with friends is better than trying to take it on alone.

    "I hate myself, I am incapable of loving myself... In even liking myself." 1st let me say this "you know yourself better than anybody" but from what I can tell you're 1 of the "good people left" on this earth via what I've read thus far on here about you/ your stories. Ya, know like how you'd help pay for __ if they were a little short on change via a card from your job ^_^.

    I don't know I guess like #CHAR said " do some soul searching" cuz I see a lot of likeable things about you + would have never guessed you were going through depression by your fun energetic personality #SnowHarpy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-UAP_LMpqc

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  • Drugs + prescription meds do not work in my experience. The more you rely on them the more unhappy you become... ultimately leading to suicide or self harm. To be honest I am there too so I can only give you things on which have helped make it bearable. Personally the philosophy or connection you must make is one along the lines of "since you have a difficulty in this area you need to be better than the average person... meaning you need to conduct yourself in a way that is sufficient and not so harmful"... in other words handle yourself better than what a normal person is capable of. If anything that has helped me climb the ladder out of the feeling of a bottomless pit is looking at myself from an outside perspective. An essential part is to watch yourself, by all means conduct what you do throughout the day the way you normally would... example of this, I had panic attacks and what made it worse and worse was the fact I didn't know what the triggers, nor how far my heart rate went up. I began to study myself, I took a notepad and pen and wrote down each instance in which I had a panic attack, labeling my heart rate spike with my monitor and what was happening beforehand. This helped me realize my triggers, once I got to the root of my issue I was officially able to work on it. I no longer have panic attacks, I know my triggers, I know when to breathe, when to go to my special safe place away from everything. ((Now normally when someone reads about an-others experience they brush it off as them releasing their own issues.)) My suggestion is to recognize your triggers and acknowledge them, much like when an emotion comes flying into your head to knock you over, it is the exact opposite of facing it head on like others do. You simply step aside, acknowledge that emotion and let it go on its way (write it down in your book). Another thing to do is if say before bed you are thinking melancholically or depressed, begin looking at picture books, think about what you may want in the future... truth be told in psychology this is known as re-conditioning, to essentially convince the mind to be more "alive" or happy. What you think about before sleep is going to effect your dreams, now those dreams can be happy or horrific depending on what you think before bed; in having these "Utopias" in your mind circulating all night as you sleep it will begin to change your mind. Congrats on reading this far, most never do lol. Best of luck, again here only if I am needed :)

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  • https://youtu.be/crrOl0egI00
    Let me love you, until you learn to love yourself.

    Pick up some hobbies to try and keep your mind off of everything. Try to hang out with a supporting group of friends when possible. Don't keep it all bottled up.

    I'll let you rant to me, I'm all ears.

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  • I think you just have to find what truly makes you happy, like not just any kind of happy, this happiness comes from doing something in a day and ending that day still feeling satisfied and content with yourself. then rinse and repeat.

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  • As a indian, i can give you practical solution i. e to do Meditation and yoga dear. It fights pyscholgical negativity generated within self. You would feel absolutely happy because your conscience will be stimulated to take you to higher level. You feel active.
    I hope there is a meditation centre in your country where there is absolute silence and no one interferes between you and your consciousness.

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    • I'll definitely try meditation. Thank you ☺

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    • @Thisistemp2
      But she is a self hater. She didn't mention reason for her depression. It seems she has problems with self esteem and i don't understand why. May be family problems since childhood and some trauma related to it or some relationship issues.
      When people are very under confident about themselves, they hate themselves because it happened with me too when i was a teenager.

    • Thank you

  • it may be out of your control some peoples brains are just wired different when i was young i use to be very depressed drinking drugs you name it i would use it to keep the pain at bay but once i came crashing down and there was no where to go i had to face my demons it was one of most painful things i had to do and then some because of the drugs it just made everything 10x worse then you could imagine but i realized something it wasn't all that bad i stop thinking about all the negative things and focused on what i have going for me and learn to just let go of all the rest and realize that none of matters you just gotta live your life but people could tell you this to over and over you gotta find your own way to that light i always perceived you as a strong person you can do it

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  • Sorry you had such a shit day. Just know that you're human you don't need to be perfect so don't beat yourself up for having flaws. Maybe try to do some good deed for someone else to feel better? It's hard to hate yourself and feel like you're not good if you are someone that tries to help others.

    If you feel bad about yourself it's ok. That doesn't make you bad or inferior if you have days where you are down about yourself. You're not alone in having that. Know that you aren't perfect which is perfectly fine. Just try to always be a better person and know you aren't perfect but you do try to improve yourself and that's something to feel good about.

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  • LIFT!
    When I'm sad, I go lift.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oQ0bWCrZaE

    THIS IS MY THERAPY!

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  • Let me give you a good feeling Nichole!
    You know what? You're feeling bad because you have your problems, worries, shortcomings,..
    But other people don't worry about your shortcomings, they LOVE YOU FOR THEM :D :D
    Try to get yourself to believe that and you'll feel a lot better!
    Be proud of who you are, with your strong points and your weak points :D :D
    Come on girl, you may have fallen into a hole but some strong shoulders will get you back out :D :D

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    • Thank you for that 😊

    • No problem! And if you need to ventilate some emotions, feel free to shoot :D

  • there are some common methods like physical sport u like, music or laugh to get out of depression.
    trust me been there!
    there is no other feeling compared to self hating... but try to be strong and focus on positive aspects of life.
    try thinking of after 5 years do these same reasons will even matter.
    I personally found going over my old pics with family and frnds very helpful once, that made my day try that. just try not to focus on things you can't control. its okay to not to have full control on life... we can't control everything we r humans.
    all the best... best wishes :)

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  • Wow I had no idea based off the way you asked questions on here and interacted with others you seemed like a very happy person. Are you depressed because of personal or because of insecurity issues? To me having your health is the most important thing and gift anyone could ever get if you don't have your health you have nothing. That's just me though

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    • Insecurity

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    • Thanks

    • yea no problem

  • Mindfulness meditation get out of your own head or at least thoughts for a while

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    • I'll definitely try this, thank you.

  • Try meditation. Don't do it for any reason other than to gain control of your thoughts. Right now your thoughts are going wild and making connections that have no reason to exist, just reading way too far into improbable potentialities. If you start out small, just 5 minutes a day sitting down and closing your eyes and trying to look past your thoughts and understand that all they are is thoughts. When I meditate I try to think of nothing but blackness with a very small white dot in the center, I visualize it and I focus on it until I have no discernible thoughts. If you do have a thought take over your mind, let it happen; don't fight it but also realize that all it is, is a thought. Try guided meditation, it will help. I went through over a decade of depression, anxiety, self hatred, attempted suicide when my ex loved me because I knew what being single felt like and I knew that being in a bad relationship and being cheated on felt better than being single because at the end of the day I still had someone lying to me about loving me. But you know what sucks, they're not lying because they care about you; they're lying because they think you're too weak to accept it. She was right. It took years of meditation to make myself feel like a normal person but I finally got there, I believe you can do it too.

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  • Don't you remember that God last creation was Women... perfect... well almost... !
    underneath it all, you are special... I see it from here

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  • I like listening to Osho when I'm down :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYIA2YMpE8w

    You know, if you ever want a proper chat.

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  • I would PM you but you only allow from followings

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  • Well tell me about yourself and why you feel this way

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  • Same here... Sometimes we enter in depression even without reason :/

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  • Why do you hate yourself?

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What Girls Said 9

  • Always, always, always ask for help when you need it. It’s out there, but you have to be the one to take the first step. And the second. And the third. People want to help you, but you have to help yourself first.

    There are doctors, therapists, hotlines, friends, family members, support groups and countless other ways to get assistance. Explore them.

    Good luck Marie.

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  • Hi Nichole! Firstly, kuddos to you for sharing this on the Internet because it isn't something as easy as it seems. Truth be told, all of us have had moments where the last person we liked, let alone love, was ourselves. Please keep in mind that you're not the only one who goes through it daily because there are so many others! You were given all the tools to overcome this!

    What are the things that make you happy? What do you enjoy doing that just brings absolute comfort to your soul? Whatever that is, that's what you should be focusing on. When people are doing something they love, they honestly couldn't care about what other people think. And loving yourself is tremendously impacted by whether you care about people's thoughts or not. But most importantly, you have to know that it comes from within. Nobody can bring about that feeling in you, only yourself. It is a daily fight that you must never surrender! Try to not focus on your flaws, but on what you have to offer, which without a doubt is a lot because you seem lovely!

    Also, keep your mind away from comparing yourself to others. That is an ultimate destruction. Praise people for the things you admire in them instead of contrasting their best with your worst because that's a super unfair thing to do for yourself.

    Remember, it's all about your mindset! Read encouraging books, surround yourself by a supportive group of friends and family, seek medical guidance if you think that's best, and do whatever makes you happy!

    All the love!

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    • Thank you so much for your thoughtful answer 😊

    • It's a pleasure! I hope you get many more :) xx

  • Am so sorry you feel that way... <3 I am not depressed in terms of not loving myself, I used to feel that way years ago, and I would get anxiety from it, I did not know how to control myself. Right now I am depressed because of other things... It is deep down... And it rises to the surface every so often, and I find myself not feeling motivated.

    I broke down yesterday, and cried so much. Ugh. I wish that I could help you <3 I have so much experience in feeling how you feel.

    I become depressed and I have anxiety, but my anxiety is not too bad, only when am all stressed. Blah!

    Aaaaand in regards of hating yourself... Do you... Compare yourself to others? Or is it strictly havin to do with yourself? Do you not like the qualities that you have? Or are you wanting to change yourself in ways? do you know why?

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    • Yes I know why I am depressed and it's just my skin is really bad right now to the point where I have to go on a medicine called accutane.
      I am really sorry you are feeling this way too.

  • No one can teach you to love yourself. Loving yourself is something you need to learn on your own. It seems impossible but you just need to find your anchor. Life seems horrible, you hate yourself, think you're ugly and useless. too skinny, too fat, too plain, too pale, too dark. You need to find something that makes you feel a slight feeling of happiness or hope. Whether its the sun, someone you love, a tree, music... You need to find something to give you hope that things will be better. I know this might not help, and you probably don't want to here "you'll get better", "stay strong". So I won't tell you that. Yeah it sucks, life's terrible but you need to think about everyone in the world. Every single person in this world hates at least one thing about themselves. Some pray for death, some pray for it to be over. But what good can praying do? Even god cannot help you. You have to help yourself. I don't know how hard this is for you... but you do not deserve to feel this way about yourself. You deserve to love yourself. So I want you to go look at yourself in the mirror, but instead of telling yourself how ugly, fat, and useless you think you are. You're going to point out 3 things that you actually like about your body. Your eyes, your hair, your ears, your hands, your eyelashes. Just pick 3 and instead of looking too hard and starting to hate them again. Keep thinking of why you chose these 3 things and now smile. Just do it, I don't care if you feel stupid, just do it please. Now you look happy. Don't you? Maybe not, it's not there in your eyes... why? Because you aren't happy so quit smiling and telling people you're okay. You need to let them see you're unhappy. You need to find an anchor, a counselor, therapist, a parent, a trusted friend. Do not let this burrow inside of you because it's eating at you. Can you feel the hole inside of you? Like somethings missing? That's where love should be for yourself. Please do yourself a favor and please call this depression hotline. 800-826-3632. You deserve happiness. Help yourself get it. I know this might not help you but I had to try because no one should ever hate themselves. Sorry if this didn't help.

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    • Don't worry, this helped a lot. I appreciate this. Thank you. 😊

  • I agree with everything that has been said here. Don't be ashamed of getting help. My best friend is also struggling with deep mental illness, he feels a lot better when he talks to people that care about him, sometimes all we do is listen to him and that still makes him feel better. Find someone near you in your life that just listens sometimes. Don't just stick to yourself, be around great people.

    And besides- I wouldn't have the courage to just expose myself like this, you're really brave, good luck with everything. And remember that you're one step ahead in the right direction by admitting this :) <3 Be strong, be couragous just like you are <3

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  • Have you seen a doctor? My advice would be to go to your friends for support and trust that God will take care of you even through this rough time.

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  • i feel the same way as you but i figure its the highschool blues

    i graduate this year. i plan to move outta my city and restart things

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  • There's a book called "self compassion by kristen Neff" you need to buy this book, a lot of people who have clinical depression have always praised this book. Louise hay is also amazing, you should listen to her videos on YouTube and purchase her books too. Knowing your triggers is very important, like others have mentioned. Meditation is amazing since it teaches you to silence those thoughts and take control. Remember whatever your heads telling you isn't true, it's important to understand that you will be feeling like this every now and then, this comes with depression that negative chatter is expected but it isn't true. Also speak to a therapist or write in your diary, it's important to analyse your thoughts so u can understand how u could deal with it the best way. Good luck.

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  • Are you in counseling? Im not depressed and I don't know if I am I have never been diagnosed but I'm in therapy and it has helped me

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