Do I distance myself or help him?

I met a guy by a mutual friend. I have known him for a month. I have had two make out sessions with him no sex yet. We had exchanged numbers and I have texted him a few times but he hadn't respond to any of them but when I would come across him at his work or the club he would come right up to me and chit chat for a good 30 mins or so. He told me he really was bad about texting. It makes sense cause his guy friends have said the same. I like the guy but things took a different toll last Friday night. I was at the club hanging with the band memebers and he showed up with his friends. Of course we chit chatted a bit throughout the night but he got pretty smashed. I was ready to leave and I knew he wasn't ok to drive. I am pretty persistent with someone if I know they can't drive. I suggested I take him or put him in a cab. I I persisted a few more times nicely I might add and he blew up at me. he said didn't give a crap about anything or anyone. He told me to leave him the f**k alone. I did. He left but reappeared again to tell me he was leaving. Obvious he wanted me to save him from driving.. 15 mins of saying F U back in forth he finally let me drive him but I was in his car. He flat told me he witnessed two suicides in his life.. didn't want to talk about it he was angry. The last one happened 4 or 5 years ago.. he definently was still dwelling on it. And not dealing with it. I tried to break the barrier but he shut me out slammed the door and went into his apartment. I was left walking 3 miles at 130am in the dark. I texted him I am sorry I give a crap and I can't believe I am walking 3 miles in the night for you. First text he ever answered he said well thank you.. that was it.. I felt bad all weekend but now I know I get whats going on with him. I am at a crossroad. I honestly dont know whether to distance myself or try to help him.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I agree with the other girl who answered your question so far, though I want to be a little friendlier about it ;-). This guy seems rather pathetic. Of course it is up to you eventually what you're gonna do but personally, I highly advise you to distance yourself from him and not get romantically involved. There are several good reasons for this:
    - He gets angry when he's intoxicated. Very, very bad one. I'm particularly "allergic" to people getting drunk and acting mean or stupid. I really hate it. But getting aggressive on alcohol is probably one of the worst things you could have in a boyfriend. There should be a rule of thumb for all people and especially for all girls: "don't get a boyfriend who gets easily aggressive or pissed when he's drunk". Right now this might just be him telling you to "fuck yourself", though that's already very disrespectful. You have NO idea what other things he is capable of doing when he's drunk. When you look for a new boyfriend, always use the way a guy acts when he's drunk as a general description of his character. This might seem a little unfair but it's not. Contrary to other drugs that make us particularly lazy or aggressive etc., alcohol basically intensifies the general way we are. Guys who easily get angry on alcohol for no real reason tend to be generally aggressive, grumpy, unhappy and sometimes violent people. For example I have never ever been pissed or aggressive to anyone when I was drunk. If this were ever to happen, I swore myself to completely quit drinking any alcohol.
    - Apart from being a very unpleasant person, he also seems to have some big-time manliness issues. By that I mean that he seems to be one of those guys who for example can't deal with emotional pain (in this case about those suicides) because they believe a man shouldn't cry and should simply take it and suck it up. This again, should ring not one but a hundred alarm bells in your head. If you want to have a healthy, constructive relationship, you need somebody you can talk with about anything, somebody who has the emotional capacity to feel his own feelings, talk about them freely to you, reflect on them etc. You don't want a guy who just eats it all up and one day explodes. My girlfriend actually had made a great rule for herself before she met me: she had only 2 things that were absolutely mandatory for her in a potential boyfriend; things a guy must have under all circumstances to have a chance with her. The two things had nothing

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    • to do with good looks or the normal stuff such as "being faithful" etc. Instead, one of these two things was "I only want a guy where I can see that he must have had a very happy, loving childhood". While this is the case for me, I took me a long time to actually understand why this was important to my girlfriend. Now I understand and I find her way of thinking ingenious. See, somebody's childhood has such a huge influence on what kind of people they end up being. If you have a boyfriend who had a happy childhood where he was given a lot of love, he will be much more able to give back this love, be sweet, thoughtful, responsible, mature... and all those other things you want a boyfriend to be like.
      - Finally, this guy seems to be very self-centered. Even when I'm completely wasted (which only happened 3-4 times in my life), I would never let a woman just walk home on her own like that. Not so much because it's dangerous (it's not dangerous where I live) but because it's very rude.

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    • Yeah... . And maybe to add to this: do me one favor and don't get soft like butter in the sun if he comes back to you in a few days/weeks, being all apologetic and stuff. You know it happened once with him totally freaking out on you for absolutely nothing. There's no reason why it couldn't happen again.

    • ya true.. I won't. thanks for the words. I dont have any doubts now. Sometimes a good outside perspective is all it takes.

What Girls Said 1

  • Wow. There is so much more wrong about this whole story than just the guy. Learn some self respect and don't martre yourself for others. This guy isn't worth your time even as an acquaintance yet you chase after him. You also speak like a 70 year old person with this 'chit-chat' business. And out at 'the' club not 'a' club. Smh. Get a life.

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    • Wow. constructive criticism is fine but you can keep your exta negative comments to yourself nobody cares.. There is more to the story but I only had 2000 words and I typed it fast. I am not chasing the guy.. I only run into him from time to time by coincidence. Ya I put myself in a predicament that night it was stupid but I saved a life at least.-give me a break. I am debating whether to distance myself thats all.

    • It reads like a pattern of unhealthy behavior. Quit taking scraps and go for someone who treats you better. If you did you would t be asking this question. Sorry

    • thank you

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