My parents do a lot for me but they want be a certain way. I don't feel loved?

I am a good kid. I get As and Bs, never kissed or had sex, have a close relationship with my parents, and I'm very involved at church.
however recent as I have become more emotionally intelligent my parents give me a hard time. They are both extremely conservative. My mom doesn't let me go to the movies or listen to anything else besides classical and old Christian music (ie Heritage singers). When i wa thirteen I had the last straw and I watched porn (they didn't tell me how sex worked, just gave me books) and i sneaked movies and started listening to secular music. My mom read that in my diary and freaked out but became a little more lenient. I started getting a lot of attention from boys and she got me to open up about them. I got so influenced by her I never let them get near me, no matter how cute.
So time passed and I realized how much my life sucked. So I became suicidal and began to hurt myself.
Eventually you parents took me to consueling and I began to reach out, and now I have lots of "friends,"they look up to me, but in the end they only talk and I listen. I just offer advice or a sense of humor.
So while I'm not suicidal, I'm still very lonely. My parents can be amicable and loving but as soon as I express interest in something they don't like (like wanting to be friends with a Lesbian or a girl who breaks up and gets back together with her boyfriend, going to a sleepover) they get mad.
i feel that they love me but they only want me to be what they want. I am very dedicated and am moving forward, but I honestly don't think my parents would have it any other way.

Updates:
I'm definitely gonna try not to be as open to them. I'll give em space and wait for college👀🎉🎓🕞

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Most Helpful Girl

  • While you live with your parents you are kinda forced to live according to their rules. I recommend you focus on your studies for now and get into a giid college, preferably somewhere far away from home. Then you get to live your own life.

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    • I plan to do that. However it hurts to know my parents love you only when you behave a certain way. I understand rules and boundaries, and sometimes I don't like them but I follow them anyway. However when you want me to breathe what you breathe and change who I am for someone else, I can't take that

What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • Accept your lot in life until you can move out and get away from them.

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    • I guess that's all I can Do.

    • just stay happy at school join an afterschool activity that your friends do if they let you, I don't know how old you are but stay in there until you move out. I think they are being very unreasonable but I'm am not a parents or very reliogious but God can always be your friend

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