What is the most appropriate thing to say to someone, who tells about the passing away of their loved ones?

My neighbor/ Mom's friend is a wonderful woman but suffers from depression. And I found out the main reason why is because of the passing of her parents. After she finished telling me this, I just didn't know what to say. I wanted to make her calm (she was close to tears, as was I, but I held my breath). I ended up not saying anything because what do you say to a person who is suffering because her parents are not with her.

So so my question is, what would you have said?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well, a lot of times silence says a lot and really there's not much you can say that will help. Really, think about it for a second. Someone has lost people that have been close and important to them their entire life. What can one say in a few moments that will replace that? Sometimes it's enough to just listen.

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    • That's what I thought to at the time. I knew saying sorry was not enough.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You don't have to say a lot, but make it clear you are there for her any way she needs it and care about her. Hug her, let her cry, cry with her, remember her parents with her... there is no correct thing to say but be careful not to resort to generic phrases without heart. She's in serious grief and only time will help her heal and learn to live with the void. Check in on her, even if she doesn't respond... she will see all yours and your mothers' messages and remember that you remembered her. The best thing to do is show you care in whatever way you can think of. I lost my mother last year to a terminal illness and my dad is fighting an advanced stage cancer right now. I'm 26. My youngest sister is barely 18. I know what it feels like, and what hurts the most is silence of friends. I don't doubt their sincerity, but what good is caring about them in your head if you never express it to them? It's okay to express in your own way as long as you do it. Even saying you're speechless and wish you knew what to do shows you thought about it and are genuinely heartfully there for her. Hope that helps

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    • Thank you for your detailed answer (I'm crying a bit again). I will visit her again and talk to her. And cancer is an asshole, and I hope that everything turns out alright. <3

What Guys Said 6

  • I am truly sorry for you loss and then hug her.

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  • Go and ask to take her and your friend for coffee and see if she wants to talk about the old memories and remind her to believe in the good memories of being with her parents and tell her this is not how her parents would want to see her like if they are still watching her.

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    • I am definetly going to visit her again. She loves me so much that she jokingly asked if I'd marry her son. He turned 1 a week ago.

    • Cute about the son joke; and Just be supportive and dont be shy if she ever seems to lock up. just comfort her. You probably are someone she will be open with.

  • You don't have a relateable story to her? I think I would of said sorry and told her that her parents wouldn't want her suffering over them and that they are proud of her. Oh and that she's their child so a part of them lives on though her and that she'll always have them close to her in spirit. Celebrate their lives and continue living yours

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  • Just tell them you're sorry. Be there for them if they need you. It will take time to heal.

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  • The formal appropriate thing to say is to simply give your condolences and your very sorry for their lose... that Sums everything a person needs to say formally in one sentence without stepping on their toes or being awkward about it

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  • Nothing, I would have given her a hug.

    Sometimes, there are no words that need be said.

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What Girls Said 2

  • I'm sorry for your loss, you're not alone and I'm here for you. Say those at least the last two regularly and often

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  • I don't know what to say because I've never been in this situation so I'm not sure what will help. But I usually say I'm so sorry for your loss.

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