Is there any point at which a certain amount of bitterness at one's situation is understandable, even perhaps inevitable?

I have grown up around disfigured people and many of them went to their graves having never felt the loving touch of another human being (beyond family and friends). Yes, at times they were bitter (or are bitter, since a few of them are alive). To me it seems almost cruel to tell them, "Well, don't be bitter" or to suggest that if they let a single atom of bitterness show, then they are not good people. Furthermore, one does not need to be disfigured to be unattractive.
Now, I grant you that bitterness aimed at people who have done them no wrong (rejecting someone based on their appearance isn't a wrong) is a bad thing. I also grant you that many people on GAG are too young to be bitter. But I'm talking people who have been alone almost twice as long as the average GAG user has been alive. Is there ANY point at all at which their sadness, disappointment, and anger at their situation is understandable? Any point whatsoever?

For those who say, "Well, bitterness is pointless." I would say you're quite correct. But so is saying "Damnit!" when you put a hammer down on your thumb, yet people understand that it's inevitable to cry out in agony. But for some reason, many GAGers seem rather insensitive and flippant about the emotional pain of others, simply telling them "Don't be bitter," as if it's as easy as writing that sentence. The thought of telling my friend with FAS to simply, "Don't be bitter" strikes me as almost cruel.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • In your example I can see why they are bitter and I sympathise. Because bitterness follows unwanted experiences—failures, disappointment, setbacks—that are perceived to be beyond one's control.

    Being bitter because you're a virgin at 17 or because a guy only wanting sex, I'll not empathise with them. Sorry but going to encourage this self pitting and whining. Sometimes by blaming everyone but yourself for your problems will be left unresolved.

    Another problem with these "bitter" gag members is that they are usually insulting one group of people. Of course they are going to receive unpleasant responses.

    If you have to seek validation for your bitterness then you know you do not have a reason to be bitter. It's almost insulting for those who have had genuine hardships and have become bitter.

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    • *I'm not going to

    • Ah yes, I have noticed quite a few people who are much too young and don't have all the experiences and data to be so bitter.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I was just thinking about this the other day. Yes there should be a point after which people should sympathize with if not at least understand a person's bitterness. But unfortunately they won't do that since they apparently don't want to put up with it because it could bring their own mood down.

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    • "But unfortunately they won't do that since they apparently don't want to put up with it because it could bring their own mood down."

      I agree. However, if I see an injured person, should I just keep moving because I "don't want to put up with it because it could bring down [my] mood?"

    • Well there is a big difference between mortal injury and psychological uneasiness. You could die from the former.

    • Thanks, sir.

What Girls Said 3

  • Yes, there's absolutely a point where bitterness is understandable. Human beings are social creatures. In general, we all need to be around people and have loved ones. Being alone for long periods of time can be difficult and make people feel isolated. Isolation can lead to negative feelings and even depression. It's absolutely normal to crave the touch of a lover or want to care about someone and have that caring feeling be reciprocated.

    That's mainly why when I see someone who is bitter about the opposite sex or bitter about their personal situation in life, I try to actually understand where they're coming from. I don't just assume that they are a bad person or have other negative thoughts about them. Anyone with any amount of empathy should understand that. Just my personal viewpoint.

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    • Hmm.

      I would question if it's a wise move to recommend GAG to these people.

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    • I read how people when driving will often say things to another driver that they would NEVER say to a fellow pedestrian. Some behavioral scientists think that it's because we can't see the other driver's facial expressions and cues, so we tend to more readily assign more sinister reasons as to their intentions. Others say it's because the other driver can't hear us, so we let fly with whatever comes to mind. Some say both. I believe this is probably how it is with fellow internet users.

    • oh wow, yeah. I think that's a great comparison for it and it does make a lot of sense to think about it that way. Interesting.

  • I was bitter towards my son's dad for a long time after he cheated on me while I was pregnant with our son towards the end and after, I finally got over it, at the end of the day we share a son together and all that matters is our son knows how much his mommy and daddy love him regardless of us not being together. he actually married the girl he cheated on me with and I just sent her a message about how thankful I am that she's in my son's life and how much I appreciate her , she treats and loves him as if he were hers. I told her how amazing she was and how much my son and I love her. earlier I had her help me pick out outfit for my son's 6 year pictures today as in October 29th. .. his birthday is today. my point is that even though I have every right to be bitter towards both of them, no longer feel that way and overcame it. my son and I are very lucky to have her.

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    • Your forgiveness and acceptance of what is has enabled you to be much more at peace and happier with things as they are. I am certainly glad that you have found the calm and even joy that removing that bitterness has brought you.

    • Well done, Rcjh1987.

    • thank you

  • The issue is that you must be incredibly unattractive on MANY levels to always be rejected. Disfigured people do find love, as do disabled, as do less traditionally handsome people. There are millions of people on this planet, it makes you think that it must be something they are doing because it isn't all about looks. They have to take some responsibility.

    What people don't like is self pity. Blaming the world serves no purpose.

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    • "The issue is that you must be incredibly unattractive on MANY levels to always be rejected."

      I cannot agree. I know physically deformed people and they are wonderful people. They have been consistently rejected for ONE reason only. They are physically unattractive. Humans have evolved to find physically unattractive and/or deformed sexually unappealing.

      "Disfigured people do find love, as do disabled, as do less traditionally handsome people."

      Yes, and people also win the lottery. The outliers tend to define the rule, not break it. Forgive me for using an extreme example, but I'm trying to show that your example, in many cases, is exceptional, not the rule. I grew up knowing many physically disabled people (my brother is one of them). Most (meaning well over half) died virgins, and it's not because they wanted to. Do you think I just was unlucky and found a bad sample that doesn't reflect reality at large?

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    • You did not come across that way, GirlScout.

      I am not just talking to you, I'm talking to whomever happens to be reading this. So many people on GAG believe that sadness and/or anger about one's plight is unforgivable. Yes, I know it's not good for them. However, I have come to understand that some of it is inevitable.

    • There's a difference between looking at someone poorly and looking at someone who is making their life worse and thinking it isn't a good idea to encourage that thinking.

What Guys Said 4

  • I think so.

    It is understandable to me that a person would feel bitter if they have been placed at a significant disadvantage for reasons mostly out of their control. Although some people's level of bitterness is greater than what would be justified.

    On gag, nobody really cares to see the other persons perspective. Theh are more intererested in slcial validation. Generally it happens like this...

    -Guy posts angry question about how he's not interested in women or paints women in a negative light
    -girls on gag see this, get emotional, and then post patronizing responses or sarcastic insults like "as if any woman would want you anyways" "I bet you never get laid"
    -girl will get tons of upvotes and congratulatory comments from other users
    - and if the guy tries to say anything back, she will completely write him iff and say something like "I don't have the time to argue with a bitter man-baby
    (sometimes this happens even when the guy makes a legitimate concern)
    -guy gets even more bitter... THE END

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    • Well, Bandit74, I do care about other people's perspective. I have encountered my share of people on GAG, male and female, who also care about other people's perspective.

      As for your example, I have seen this several occasions, but quite a few times a woman will post something that is painfully honest without sarcasm or insults. Then the guy will hurl insults at her.

      Still, I believe your example is true in some circumstances. I wish people understood that name calling is likely to make the person more defensive and much less likely to make the person listen to you.

  • it is justifiable at times.
    Being bitter about honesty is pointless, but if you've been played, use, toyed with... then i ask you all, who's at the fault?
    If every step in your life has been someone fucking with you or using you, how would you feel?

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    • I'm not talking about being toyed with. However, since you asked, I would say both people are at fault. The person doing the toying, and the person who is allowing him/herself to be toyed with.

      No one has been fucking with me "every step in [my] life," however if it were a constant feature, I would feel that I must be more wary in the future. However, the question isn't about being played and/or toyed with. It's about people born into certain circumstances that might be beyond their control.

  • Bitterness isn't pointless, it's sometimes justified. Hell, it's hard not to be for most people.

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  • I'd say any bitter feelings they feel like having and displaying is fine by me, whenever that need first arises.

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    • How do you react to those who feel these individuals are weak and/or not good people? I've seen a LOT of this on GAG.

    • I don't take that personally, but I do think they are judging based on their own ethical values, as if to say that anger and bitterness are necessarily bad. For the reasons of anger and bitterness is why (for the most part) the French Revolution was launched. I'm sure some soldiers in WW2 were angry with Hitler and enlisted for that reason. Those who have been betrayed and falsely accused/convicted have a damn good right to be bitter.

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