Is finding every possible excuse to hang out with him/her almost like stalking?

I was listeninig to a podcast of the Adam and Drew show, and Dr. Drew brought up how many guys will go to great lengths to hand out with a girl they like, even when they know she doesn't like them. He will wash her car, install her entertainment center, etc., knowing full well she's not into him. He believed this was a form of stalking, and it got me thinking he might be right.

So what do y'all think? Is it sometimes a form of stalking to do this behavior?


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Most Helpful Girl

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, it seems innocuous at first, but is a form of stalking.

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    • Interesting the person over 45 readily believes it to be stalking.

      I'm curious, why do you think it would be stalking?

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    • She got a restraining order on him that at first did no good, but eventually he was arrested for violating it. He would show up at the grocery store, outside her place of employment, across the street from church, followed her home. I just about hopped a plane to help out, but I had issues of my own (a very sick relative who later died) so I couldn't. Last I heard she'd moved to Arizona (for her career) and met a guy online and married him.

What Girls Said 1

  • It might be considered as stalking. But i dont find it harming. It is a cute one actually. And if she allows it, i dont see any problem.

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    • My only problem would be that I don't think it's healthy for the guy or gal who is doing the stalking.

    • Yeah that. I totally agree with you.

    • The problem is that some women, especially young ones, don't know how to use the word 'no' or are afraid to use it. And I'm not necessarily faulting them, it a cultural thing and I believe most women grow into their own. But the first time they are presented with this behavior, especially in college, it can be unknown and intimidating.

      I think men should be better taught what is and isn't harrasent the and women as well. College kids need to know boundaries entering into their new found independence. I think most incidents of sexual assault could be avoided if young people were taught clear legal and personal boundaries. So many kids are isolated and protected by their parents these days that when they get to college they can barely, if at all, function autonomously.

What Guys Said 2

  • Eh, I think its obsessive and desperate but not stalking. in my opinion stalking would have to be non-consensual. If she's agreeing to hangout with him and consciously allowing him to do favors for her all the time, then I wouldn't consider it stalking. he's not forcing the opportunities, he's just taking advantage of everyone that it offered or available.

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    • Perhaps it wouldn't be consensual if the person fully understood what was happening. In other words, if he/she knew that this person is giving so much attention to him/her so that the "stalker" could be close to the object of his/her affection.

  • Stalking is when they generally don't know about it. Your examples are what is called being used.

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