Please help me! Can someone understand my underlying issue and provide help?

I am a very attractive and charming lady of 22 years. But I have extreme emotional issues. Recently, a man came in my life who seemed to be heads over for me. He did many things I told him to, texted me constantly, waited for me, proposed me and made me feel very special by his poetry and gifts. I was in contact with him for a little more than a month. Even though, logically I could see that he gave me attention, I was never satisfied emotionally.
For example, he used to work at a university and be busy sometimes and not text me. I would get really hurt and angry and say things to him. Whenever he didn't show me attention, i got turned off. Even subtle changes in his behavior day to day made me obsessive. I used to obsess and cry as to why is he not texting me (for like last 8 hours). There were constant fights, he never fought with me just kept on reassuring me about my beauty and his love for me. This was the whole contact mainly about: him telling that he loves me and I kept doubting him. I felt that maybe he can't love me the way I WANT. I kept comparing and asking if he loves me more than his ex-gf, to which he said yes but i never TRUSTED. I fought with him and abused him emotionally all the time. It was tears and pain for me, when I couldn't see him in pain. I always felt that he never cared as much as I did. Like whenever I would fight with him, it won't have any affect on his food and sleeping habits which HURT me even more! Because when I am emotionaly involved with someone, they become my everything and i forgot to eat and sleep. I never loved him and made it very clear to him.
The conversation was always like this:
Me: I HATE U. Go to hell. All men are SAME. GET OUT OF MY LIFe
Him: But I love you a lot. I just want you in my life. I can't leave you but if you want me to go, then I will not disturb you again.
Anyway, to get rid of this constant battle- I blocked him from everywhere. No way that we can contact me. Now within three days of NC< he has tried to add me again on my Facebook etc but i am not going to accept.
I am still SAD. Sad because maybe he doesn't miss me as much as I would want him to? I want him to feel the pain and miss me? Stalk me? Obsess over me?
In my past, I have been crazy for men who didn't show me much attention. Now I want someone to become crazy for me. But I don't feel that intensity, which makes me hurt?
Is it normal? How to cure this problem?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To me, you just sound like somebody with absolutely zero self-confidence. If you had some self-confidence, you wouldn't get so obsessed about him perhaps not loving you enough. In psychology, this is called projecting. You project your thoughts and feelings that you have about yourself (doubt, frustration etc.) onto another person. It's definitely not something healthy.
    As for the "psychopath" thing you've asked down below... I wouldn't use this word. It's term that means a specific mental illness (it doesn't just mean "crazy" or "weird" as some people might think). As from what I know of you, you don't sound particularly psychopathic. If you're still curious however, there is a check-list that was created by psychologists to evaluate whether somebody is a psychopath.
    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychopathy_Checklist
    Three of the most important features of psychopathy are that a psychopath typically has a completely over-the-top self confidence (megalomania), he can't tell the difference between morally/ethically right and wrong and thus won't admit to any potential mistakes and he is capable of completely dissociating from any sorts of feelings or empathy for others. As far as I see it, none of this is the case with you.

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    • You are amazing :D

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    • If he truly loved, he would have contacted me through fake means

    • What do you mean by "fake means"? And why is it his job to contact you? You broke up contact with him and he respected your wish to not have any contact anymore. Are you saying you're expecting him to read your mind or what? The whole attitude seems rather immature to me...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Not normal in the slightest. You are one clingy and high maintenance girl it seems. But it doesn't seem like you loved him but you loved his attention. He was patient and living to you and you took it for granted but it still wasn't enough for you. Sounds to me like you cheated yourself out of s good guy.

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    • Do I sound like a psychopath? For wishing to see him in pain, when he has never hurt me intentionally?

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    • If he claims to LOVE me this intensely and completely was infatuated, as per him, wouldn't he?

    • No love is worth abuse. It's unhealthy.

What Guys Said 1

  • no it's not normal, you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else. really contemplate what distinguishes love from obsession. it doesn't sound like what you've felt is love, and i know from experience that obsession can make a relationship really sick.

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    • I want him to be OBSESSED to me like I was to someone else

    • why? will that really make either of you happy?

    • Even though, i was not the lover in this relationship but the one who controlled the things and wanted rather than gave; i know he wouldn't be hurting as much as I am. I am hurting so much as if soul has been put on fire. I cry day and night. Why? Not because someone I love rejected me; but because I want more love. I want to feel wanted? I cut contact with him only expecting that he would come back to me and I will forgive him but he didn't chase me which makes me extremely hurt. He used to claim his love all the time and now he is living without me- i suppose happily. And here I am, frustrated and depressed and lonely, no one can ever love me as much I want. I am ready to give my whole but first someone should show me that I really MATTER to them. They are indifferent to me and it hurts me the most.

What Girls Said 0

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