Is loving yourself important in finding a mate?

If people ask me if I love myself, I usually just answer something like, "Meh, I guess so."

Is loving yourself important in finding a mate? I was married for fourteen years, but I neither love nor hate myself. I don't think loving onesself is terribly important in being a good person, as there is a lot of indications that murderers have very high opinions of themselves.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you are simply comfortable in your own skin, which is why you were married happily for some time.

    To "love" yourself doesn't necessarily mean you love every aspect of yourself, just that you are comfortable with who you are, what you look like, and your place in the world. If you can achieve this, you are secure enough to be a good partner. If you don't have this "love" (read, "acceptance" ) you will bring insecurity, jealousy and doubt into your relationships.

    I think a better term than "love yourself " would simply be "accept yourself;" that term will never be as buzz-worthy as "love yourself," though.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • lol, I think it very important to love who you are in your place in your creators eyes. from your extreme example of murderers loving themselves might be the exact opposite. but i wouldn't know i guess. lol
    My experience i got married at a young age well normal age I just didn't grow up yet. I felt low of myself and that low self esteem was carried into my relationship. so it did not prosper after I was spent of the love I was capable off.
    Luckily my life came crashing down and everything as I knew was destroyed and i was shameful and broken. i had no other love to give.
    Miraculously I had gotten a second chance to build my life from scratch band prosper a person filled with desire to succeed in just being lovable. i started to accept myself and make some changes all started by loving myself as I was and was eager to help others and share this new feeling. I was finally able for the first time to appreciate love as it meant and to share that with the love of my life. I waited by not looking for her but we finally did cross paths and the love we share today is more beautiful and easy and freeing all because I love who I am, and i was meant to feel and give this love.

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    • How do you account for me being happily married for 14 years? I neither love nor hate myself.

    • I am sure you posses qualities that you can look on that brings a certain appreciation of being commit-able and a desire to share your day with your amazing wife of 14 years. A person she can rely on and admire for at the very least being available for her.
      How would those qualities you posses be anything less than a certain amount of love for the person you are? I don't believe you are just floating through your days in a blinded fog of existence.
      I may see your point depending on your definition of loving yourself as being self absorbed. But I find it hard to define love in that manner. Love is all around us and I certainly do believe that loving another comes from the love you already posses for who you are.

What Girls Said 4

  • It definitely is. You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you and you need to know and understand yourself before go into a relationship. Otherwise you might lose yourself.

    I agree that knowing your worth doesn't affect your moral fiber, but that doesn't mean it's not important.

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    • How then do you account for me being in love and happily married for 14 years? I neither love nor hate myself. The same could be said of my father, only he was happily married much longer.

    • *shrugs* you don't hate yourself so you must accept yourself on some level

  • I think loving yourself is essential to not only being a good person but also to being a good partner. Knowing that you have yourself and don't need someone else to make you happy is incredibly important. In addition, when you love yourself it becomes much harder to be jealous of another person or have feelings of resentment in a relationship.

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    • How do you account for my being happily married for 14 years? I don't love myself, but I don't hate myself.

      I have known many good people who, as far as I know, don't love themselves. Hitler and I didn't Amin seemed to love themselves.

    • I think there's a difference between narcissism and having a healthy amount of self-esteem. Hitler craved the spotlight, so he was a narcissist. People who love themselves simply believe that happiness comes from within. I'm not trying to disrespect your marriage in any way, by the way. Not everyone has to love themselves in order to have a stable relationship, I just feel that it is essential for most people.

  • I think its important so you don't depend on other to give you confidence when they can't give you. Loving yourself to mean is finding what your good at and being proud of who you are. When you know your likes and dislike and your hobbies and your passion... you well respect yourself more and admire self.

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  • i believe it is. i dont think u have to love yourself to be a good person, but i think u have to love yourself to be a good companion for someone else.

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What Guys Said 3

  • Yes, it is certainly important. But that alone is just a very small requirement for finding a partner. A lot of other things need to fall into place for that.

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    • May I ask why it's important?

    • Show All
    • I see. Thanks for sounding off.

    • You're most welcome! :)

  • Yes, I believe loving yourself is more important than anything else!!.

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    • What I am trying to say is you should love yourself irrespective to whether someone else loves you or not, whether someone else likes you or not, if you love yourself and you are happy within yourself that indicates that you are confident with yourself and that's an attractive quality.

  • oh god don't get me started on murderers. they are so arrogant, blowing their own trumpets all the time.

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