Should I be upset my boyfriend acted this way?

I planned a special night and took him to a lantern festival where we watch thousands of them light up into the sky, it was very sweet. I was slightly annoyed that he didn't hold me or show me a lot of affection during the event, all I wanted was for him to hug me or kiss me or bring in a really sweet moment, but he didn't. I feel like there are hardly ever any sweet moments with us that I can look back on, and im starting to think maybe he doesn't know how to or he doesn't have it in him. Is this normal? Am I expecting too much? I've talked to him about this before but it doesn't change much for the long-term.

for exact examples, he doesn't really do stuff like hold my face, look me in the eyes, make me feel like im extremely special.. Like I don't feel super special around him...


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What Guys Said 1

  • Read the book "Five Love Languages" to help determine how you prefer to receive love from your partner.

    I've got two main things to say about your scenario:

    1) We can't expect others to read our minds. So no, I think it's silly to be upset if he didn't do all the romantic things you were wanting. He did what he wanted to do. You're just disappointed that what he wanted to do wasn't what you wanted him to do. If NEED him to cuddle and touch you in order for you to feel loved then you need to tell him that...

    2) We teach people how to treat us. So it's perfectly okay to explain to your guy how you like to be treated in your relationship in order to feel safe and loved.

    3) It's okay if he doesn't want to do those things. It's not really his job to meet all your needs. So realize not everyone is going to want to give you what you want, and that's okay. BUT relationships are WAY easier when we CHOOSE a partner who DOES want to meet our needs, and visa versa.

    You need to START the relationship with someone who already wants to do the things you like, or who's willing to hear you explain the things you like.

    If this current guy isn't into it then explain to him what you like, and why. Find out what he likes and why. Then find a compromise. If he doesn't want to compromise, then you have to make a decision... do you keep wasting time hoping for something better... or do you let him go and find someone better?

    Be confident and put yourself first. Too many people stay in stagnant relationships only to watch everything fall apart two years later, leaving them regretting that they wasted so much time.

    :P

    ~ Robby

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    • Thanks for the answer. I have spoken to him about it several times, I like intensity and passion and spontaneity. He, on the other hand, enjoys comfort, friendship, and shows love through making me laugh. I always feel like the passion isn't there because he just doesn't show it... he sees passion in a lifetime with someone and extreme closeness, when I see it through intensity and extreme romance.

    • Our happiness is directly related to how we interpret our lives... you have learned that to feel "loved" there needs to be intense emotions and passion and spontaneity. This doesn't make it true, it's just true for you. This means that you can LEARN to feel loved in any way you want. For now it's a certain way.

      So you can either change how you interpret your world so that you can match his views, or you can change his views so that he behaves in a way that you prefer, or you can meet someone else who meets you where you already are. It all comes down to your priorities and your ability to change.

      There's no right or wrong way of living. Just don't fool yourself into thinking that your way can't change, or shouldn't change. Choose what you want, and make it happen. :D

What Girls Said 1

  • I had to reason out what priorities were in my current relationship. I could be upset because he didn't kiss me on a moonlight walk on the beach, or happy that he held my hand the whole time. Sad that he didn't pull me in during a sappy love song at a concert, or thrilled that he bought tickets for it knowing I liked the group, although he doesn't.

    He may not be outwardly romantic, but he plans getaways for us constantly, has a hand on me or plays with my hair whenever he can. I learned to accept that his way of showing me love is different than I have come to expect.

    The trade off is worth it in the end. You need to look at the ways he shows he cares rather than the way you wish he would. He probably shows you you are special in a million small ways; he just doesn't do the big grand romantic gestures.

    Like @bobair says, there are different ways of showing love. Never read the book he references, but have seen snippets of the five languages here and there. Very true.

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