What to do you do if your non-religious friends feel uncomfortable or humiliated around you?

My friend is a pagan and possibly bi-sexual and she is constantly complaining about how I am judging her. I am not actually judging her but I think becaus she knows I don't approve of her lifestyle - she automatically assumes I am deliberately trying to make her feel inferior,

I encountered the same situation several years ago - somebody I never judged before on any matter accused me of being extremely judgmental because she felt sinful around me. Also she told me her friends hated me because I was judgmental but had nothing to back up my judgments of others. I knew her friends didn't like me but up until that point, I did not know why

Of course being religious you have a strong idea of what is right and what is wrong but that is not the same thing as judging others.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Must be what you say to them. I can only assume. I never judge non-Christian people not do I shove my opinions on them. But for instance a friend of mine often says I make them feel like a bad person cause I'm so responsible and nice and do not get drunk or do drugs or sleep around.

    I like to think the Holy Spirit is drawing them through me. I don't shove my beliefs but I post Facebook stuff about Jesus a lot. I figure at the right time i can talk to my friends about Christ, for now I try to just be a light.

    It's important that we do not judge others because we are not righteous on our own accord, we are righteous because we faithe in Jesus so His righteousness is imputed onto us. I am careful not to sound self-righteous to others lest they think they are "not good enough" to faithe in Christ.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Two things:
    1) 99.9999999% of religious people are bigots.
    2) Your friend lacks confidence and is probably confused about her philosophy of life and principles.

    Her feelings are not entirely fictitious and her fragile confidence is making things even worse.

  • Religious people being so judgmental about atheists is the reason many atheists have better morals than religious hypocrites.
    I'm non-religious. I've been judged all my life for it. In school I didn't care. On the job I did care and it gave big problems with two Bible thumping managers. In my private life I just avoid Bible thumpers.
    I know the Bible good enough to thump back but they hate it. if YOU want to judge me, do it.

    You're going anonymous, but I'm NOT answering this anonymous.



What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like there are two main possible problems here... Either she and her friends are uncomfortable around religious people in general (as in, no matter how you behave, they'll still feel uncomfortable around you) or you're showing your disapproval and making them feel judged. Yes, those are different, but they result in a very, very similar feeling. I've got friends who I know disapprove of some things I believe/do, but they make a point of emphasizing their support and avoiding the display of disapproval. If you're showing disapproval, you may as well be judging for the reaction you'll get.

    So either the problem is theirs and you're better off finding new friends, or you need to control your disapproval when it has to do with things like religion and sexuality, because it's only going to come across as judgement. If you don't want to do that, then again, you're better off sticking to friends whose lifestyles match yours a little more.

    Just my perspective, I'm not intending to criticize or anything.

  • Pagan?
    Interesting.. she believes in what?

  • I am a strong theist who is loosely Christian (religion seems dependent on where you were born, you know?). I read a lot of religious and spiritual texts, both connected to and outside my beliefs. There is always a big, positive, overarching theme to find that can connect proole together.