What is your best self soothing/coping techniques for stressful or traumatic situations?

I find myself with a lot of stress and burdens to carry due to family problems. It makes my life really difficult to live. I have a abusive father who is driving me and my mom into the ground with debt. I struggle to cope with all the fighting, tension and unhappiness. I'm working 9am-7pm shifts most days to make some money for myself and coming home to a unhappy place makes me sick to my stomach. I am severely depressed and unable to enjoy anything due to the trauma I have from living this way since I was a little girl. It just seems to be at its absolute worst right now.

I'm sure I'm not the only one going through times like this. Some people even have it worse on here. I would love to know what techniques everyone on here has to help manage really difficult circumstances. It can be anything. Even if it's just listening to a specific song or doing something random. I'd love to know cause maybe it will help me and others as well. Please share. It would be greatly appreciated xx


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To manage external stress you have to either remove yourself from the situation or at least have a plan to do so. In your situation you have to realize that you cannot and will not be able to change the dynamic with your parents. I see these suggestions as a way to start to deal with your situation:

    !) Have a plan to move. This will help focus your negative energy into a positive outcome.
    2) Stop trying to "help" or "save" anything and anyone. You are no good to anyone if you are the one drowning.
    3) Go to the gym. The best way to manage stress is to beat it out of your system.
    4) Find positive people to spend quality time with. Go to a movie, have a drink, dinner, whatever. Get out of the house and away from the negative energy.
    5) Talk to people who will listen. .

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I did not have to go through this family trouble because of traditional family rules at home but then I had friend with abusive father who used to mostly stay at my home and with my family just so she can relax. I remember her being scared to go home because her father would hit her or mother would scold her for not doing house work of cooking and cleaning.

    I remember she linked reading fairy tales on the terrace of my house or just sit on the swings in the garden, have tea or walk alone or either with me in silence.

    www.commonfloor.com/.../gcdigdi-300x266.jpg

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What Guys Said 17

  • I drink, and I target shoot (NOT AT THE SAME TIME!!!) Shooting guns is an AMAZING tension-reliever!!! Target shooting is a 'Non-violent', way that doesn't hurt anyone, but 12-guage shot into cans and 5-gallon buckets can REALLY help a person relax!!
    I had a Girlfriend that HATED guns, in EVERY WAY!! She got super-stressed working on her Master's Degree research, and I suggested just 'shooting' away the stress!! She laughed, like I was a barbarian, but she tried it, and LOVED IT!!!
    I gave her 'Dove Loads' to start, and she hit the buckets at the first shot. Then she wanted more, and eventually popped a few slugs into the buckets!!

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  • My dad is an abusive narcissist, he has a personality disorder.
    Moving out from home to my neighbors' family has given me reassurance that it is not me who has issues with him, it's he who has issues with me.

    Listening to some certain songs has helped me a lot. You need to think of yourself as a warrior who withstands his abuse. This song has guided me through 2 very difficult years !

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13MSJ8dbAu4

    and

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ

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  • Wow.. U sound a lot like me when i was with my family... Im sure your sugar coating it too.. Anyway, the way i dealt with a lot of it was, i would always have a place to go and chill by myself.. Even if it was in the middle of the woods it was better than around my parents.. With phones now its a lot easier to do... Another thing to remember, is their problems, are exactly that, they are not your problems... My parents would hurt themselve to hurt me, financially speaking... I've left them about a year ago and havnt even spoke to them since, and things have been so much better than they ever were with them.. And they dont even care that im gone... Ill try to put more on here later... Im at work right now..

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  • in my opinion, happiness is not from grandiose actions, events, objects and gestures. Happiness is from the simple, little things in life.

    Even if it something as simple as a bubble bath, going to a place away from home to relax your mind, listening to a certain music, watching a certain movie or TV show, eating or drinking a certain food, doing a certain craft or hobby... it's all about finding your little joys in life. :)

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  • This might sound strange, but pet therapy.

    When you feel really down, go in your room and vent, cry, scream, do what you need to do. You will feel better for there is never any judgement/response, only care/love.

    Outside of this, you need to choose your battles, the ones that most matter, and stay out of the rest. For life can grind you real quick :(

    jy es baie groot :)

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  • So sorry to hear this. You're such a sweet girl you deserve much better <3. I find talking it out with someone or watching a comedy helps me in tough times. You can always message me

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  • Moving out seems to be necessary. You have to get rid of such a toxic environment or else it will keep dragging you down.

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  • I also have kind of an equal issue, well he is not that big of an issue since I already survived the worst times with him and am rdy to make his life a disaster if he wants me to still he is passing away soon enough and nobody wants nor loves him, I can deal with the biggest psychos aslong as they don't get physical due to the one I have at home.

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  • A lot of your problems are based around your family.

    If I was you I'd spend more time out of the house with friends.

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  • Hmm my techniques involve getting in my car and driving, it gives me time to unwind.

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  • I don't have problems. I wouldn't even know.

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  • I rub my earlobes.

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  • Rainymood. com

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  • chocolate, good music, physical training or sport, a punching bag
    playing a good game
    being with someone you can be totally open with, but not overburden them with your problems

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  • Listening to Stevie wonder you can't be depressed while listening to him.

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  • Whenever I'm stressed i just kick off my clothes, climb in bed, and cuddle the shit outta one of my pillows until i feel better. If i had a girlfriend, I'd be cuddling her instead, but since I'm alone, a pillow is the best I've got.

    Not sure if it'll help with a problem of that magnitude though.

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What Girls Said 9

  • Well when I make a big mistake or someone say BS to me... I tend to think negative n start crying so to stop that... I tell myself everything will be okay I still love you and I like have to hug myself. I had to use that last Friday when I made a big fool of myself in a presentation... I try to smile. Just take deep breaths and tell yourself you love you... bc usually when I do something extremely embarsing I get this negative mentally which is bad!!!

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  • i'm sorry you're going through that :( it's really awful when most of your problems get generated by the people who are supposed to protect you.

    here's some music that calms me down, hope it helps you too.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXX42Wv7dWI
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSAIwmFV6-I
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzRBoZb3GKw
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HpIRdElOt_8

    hope you can save up money and get out of there as soon as possible... the only thing that keeps me going is that i know i'll be moving out permanently in about half a year.

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  • Whenever I find myself in a lot of stress, I make sure to give myself a lot of attention because I tend to neglect my own needs when I've been going through a lot. Some things I like to do to bring me peace is take a long, warm bath with relaxing fragrances and candles, watch movies or shows that I know make me happy, and eat something comforting. Listening to good music also helps me to destress.

    You have to understand that you can't please everyone, but you can make things easier for yourself. Only when you're in the proper state of mind will you be able to focus on and remedy the things which are making you feel stressed and depressed. I would also highly suggest talking to a professional about this. They will offer you permanent solutions to feeling better.

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  • That's not safe... You should save up and move away with your mother. It is like fire fighting fire.. You will just keep him being more abusive by being around more. Its like you trying to keep misery in company. Short tem strategies ain't gonna help much

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  • i like to read a book or watch some anime to relieve stress, because it helps take your mind off whats going on. i also find physical activity to be very relaxing for the mind, but if you are working that much you're probably not interested in that right now. i sincerely hope things work out for you, and your mother. hopefully you'll be able to get a place for yourselves and leave him.

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  • I sing to myself. It's a bit weird, but I have panic disorder and when I need to calm down I find a quiet spot and sing to myself quietly. Alternatively, any kind of music in general helps!

    Try keeping an earbud in and playing one of your favorite songs. The familiarity should help calm you down.

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  • Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

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    • Hey =) Yes yes I do. She's very important to me and the person I love the most.

  • Headphones in, volume all the way up, loud music on and with food nearby

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  • close your eyes take a deep breath. count to 10 slowly and find something that you are passionate about and love doing and do it. try to do it every day it will help so much i promise.

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