Please read the update also, I was not able to fit everything in. And also please treat this question seriously, its not trolling or anything.
Since I was a kid, I loved harming people, I used to hit my sister & grandmother, then when I was age 12-15 I killed a bird and her babies with a bb-gun in the nest, I killed a baby bird with wood just to see if it could survive, when my family got me my 1st pet, a parakeet, I put it in the microwave and killed it for fun. My grandpa owned a farm and I would torture the chickens and choke then, rip off there fathers, kick them etc for fun. I also started hanging out with gang members, stealing from stores, breaking into peoples houses to steal, getting into fights, got arrested a lot, fined for assault/battery, put on probation for almost killing a kid my age during a fight and almost sent to Juvy but didn’t because the court recognized it as self defense.
At that age my dad left my family for another woman and my mom and sister suffered a lot and in my mind I thought about killing them because I figured if I killed them their suffering would end and they won't have to put up with the crap in this world and then kill myself. In school my teacher found my notebook and the notebook had drawings of me killing classmates, teachers and people in general, blood everywhere. As a teenager I fantasized about torturing and killing people in great detail and I would always go to shock sites to watch beheadings and murder because it felt good
I am 22 now and since then I developed great empathy for animals, I am a Vegan, But I have a deep hatred for humanity because most humans are scum. I don’t hang out with gangs/bad influences, don’t misbehave and treat my family/people nice and conduct myself in a charming respectful manner. I still enjoy Gore from shock sites and beheading and murder videos and I still fantasize about killing people, not innocent people anymore, because I have also developed great empathy for innocent people
Most Helpful Girl
It sounds like you may have Antisocial Personality Disorder by the description you have provided.
Antisocial Personality Disorder (or ASPD) is characterized by lack of empathy toward others, inflated self-appraisal and superficial charm. Failure to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, impulsivity, irritability and aggressiveness, reckless disregard, consistent irresponsibility and lack of remorse are all characteristics of ASPD as well. Antisocial Personality Disorder is 70% more prevalent in males than females.
Of course, you should be evaluated by a psychologist for a more accurate diagnosis. You may need a mixture of psychological counseling and medication to help sort out these desires and feelings.0
Most Helpful Guy
A psychiatrist can help diagnose if you are.
It does sound like your doing better than when u were a kid.1