I need HELP, Am I EVIL, a Psychopath, Sociopath, Sadist, what is wrong with me?

Please read the update also, I was not able to fit everything in. And also please treat this question seriously, its not trolling or anything.

Since I was a kid, I loved harming people, I used to hit my sister & grandmother, then when I was age 12-15 I killed a bird and her babies with a bb-gun in the nest, I killed a baby bird with wood just to see if it could survive, when my family got me my 1st pet, a parakeet, I put it in the microwave and killed it for fun. My grandpa owned a farm and I would torture the chickens and choke then, rip off there fathers, kick them etc for fun. I also started hanging out with gang members, stealing from stores, breaking into peoples houses to steal, getting into fights, got arrested a lot, fined for assault/battery, put on probation for almost killing a kid my age during a fight and almost sent to Juvy but didn’t because the court recognized it as self defense.

At that age my dad left my family for another woman and my mom and sister suffered a lot and in my mind I thought about killing them because I figured if I killed them their suffering would end and they won't have to put up with the crap in this world and then kill myself. In school my teacher found my notebook and the notebook had drawings of me killing classmates, teachers and people in general, blood everywhere. As a teenager I fantasized about torturing and killing people in great detail and I would always go to shock sites to watch beheadings and murder because it felt good

I am 22 now and since then I developed great empathy for animals, I am a Vegan, But I have a deep hatred for humanity because most humans are scum. I don’t hang out with gangs/bad influences, don’t misbehave and treat my family/people nice and conduct myself in a charming respectful manner. I still enjoy Gore from shock sites and beheading and murder videos and I still fantasize about killing people, not innocent people anymore, because I have also developed great empathy for innocent people

Updates:
BUT I still fantasize about killing either bad people or people I personally deem unworthy or a pest in my life. Could be a douchebag/bully, a person I just don’t like, a person who gets in my way of happiness etc. Obviously killing is illegal but hypothetically if I could kill and get away with it I would kill a lot of people. Obviously the possibility of me getting away with that is very low so I’m not going to.
I can also shut off my empathy completely for certain people, like this girl thats a bully at work and she died in a car accident and when I found out I started to laugh and got so happy and seeing the picture of the car wreak made me so happy and warm and often think I wish I could have done it myself or the very least I wish I saw the accident happen and her die.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like you may have Antisocial Personality Disorder by the description you have provided.

    Antisocial Personality Disorder (or ASPD) is characterized by lack of empathy toward others, inflated self-appraisal and superficial charm. Failure to conform to social norms, deceitfulness, impulsivity, irritability and aggressiveness, reckless disregard, consistent irresponsibility and lack of remorse are all characteristics of ASPD as well. Antisocial Personality Disorder is 70% more prevalent in males than females.

    Of course, you should be evaluated by a psychologist for a more accurate diagnosis. You may need a mixture of psychological counseling and medication to help sort out these desires and feelings.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A psychiatrist can help diagnose if you are.
    It does sound like your doing better than when u were a kid.

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What Girls Said 4

  • You need psychiatric help.

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  • I think there is nothing mentally unstable about you but that's the way you chose to be.

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  • Tbh I have similar emotions. I get really upset when an animal is hurt or killed, but when I hear about a human death It doesn't bother me at all. I usually reverse how I feel just so people aren't freaked out and use mt private time to be myself.

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  • Let be friends

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

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