🍎+🍏 G@G, What do you think of my poem its a lazy poem?

๐ŸŽ ๐ŸŽ ๐ŸŽ ๐ŸŽ
I once meet a boy who wanted to ask me what I was made of? I told him about my life. I said to him I made out of depression and smiles and laughs and tears. I made out of that last desperate hope that you see right before death. I am like your last chance to survive and you are my last dream before death. And, when you close your eyes I am there to whisper "helloโ€. When I meet you again and you finally with words ask me what I was made out of? I will say with a low calm steady voice, I made of me and all my past lover from before my own birth. Than you will fade like sad memories or like failure or regret that never truly leave and when you face me once again with kinda gentle flowing words wishing to hold my grief, I will hold your arms harder push, pull, battle, bawl, bash, my soul which is soft sweet silent stiff stale so that you can comprehend why I shake and tremble as if you could hear the sounds of breaking breaking empty shells that hide beneath my skin that you so quickly choose to ignore. Oh when I reach for your armsโ€ฆ. Oh and when I ask you to hold me I mean love me. I donโ€™t mean laugh at me , or lets mock my bad judgement. I donโ€™t mean lets change the subject because it sound way too complicated. I donโ€™t mean lets debate about how sexist I sound. When I ask you to hold me I mean seal me in envelope and make me your irreplaceable item. I mean embrace me with open arms so that I may rest my soul in what I believe is love. When I finally lay my head in your arms I am trying tell you I trust you and i am trying to explain to you that you matter. A hug is not something that is just given or gift sent by some higher power its a part of me in which you have decide to untangle the parts of me that you earn to have.
Thank you.
๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ๐ŸŽ

P. S.๐Ÿ’Ÿ I don't care if you don't like my grammar! hahah!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's good, but you need to give it a shape of poem divide in stanza, edit the words to rhyme, use of words is so amazing I just loved it, but it's written as a paragraph

    ❤I made out of that last desperate hope that you see right before death. I am like your last chance to survive and you are my last dream before death❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ it

    ❤❤❤❤❤👍 A hug is not something that is just given or gift sent by some higher power its a part of me in which you have decide to untangle the parts of me that you earn to have.❤❤❤❤👍 loved this lines.
    Review and message me in inbox about the poem written on my profile, let's see how good is my work.

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    • aww... thanks i couldn't sleep so i guess i got all werid and stuff... hahah
      i think your poem is better than mind! I am not good at reviewing thing but thank u for sharing... i too look at the shy and wonder if my real love is looking at the moon at the same time... i wish i knew him...

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    • Lol I stole it but credit has your username, that for MHo

    • thanks for MHO

Most Helpful Girl

  • a lovely message. as a future English teacher i won't break it down lol, but id like to make a suggestion.
    clearly this concept holds depth. what you aim to convey is deep. a nice way to emphasise that is slow... the reader... down... make them think about the words. feel them. like so:

    I once met a boy
    who wanted to ask me what I was made of.
    I told him about my life.
    I said to him,
    I'm made out of depression and smiles,
    laughs and tears.
    I'm made out of that last desperate hope
    that you see right before death.
    I am like your last chance to survive,
    and you are my last dream before death.
    And when you close your eyes,
    I am there to whisper,
    "hello”.

    <3

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    • English teacher? Oh no! Here it goes. English classes i took it twice still can't pass lol. English is boring it full long paragrahph and esaay and ehhh... lol Thank you Future English teacher! I hope you can teach your student grammar because i never learned.

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    • Nice, when will you be one?

    • haha oh chillax hun I'm not harsh or uptight about it on the internet =] i just like to help is all :)
      oh, well I'm sorry u think that. i guess it depends on how u were taught.
      that's okay =] i really liked it! :)

      @orangeboy officially, i can work casually from next year, but full time, in 1.5yrs after i finish my masters :) i already do tutoring though so i have a tiny bit of experience =]

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