How to avoid falling for assholes? How to get over one?

I have fallen for the wrong people. EVERY, (literally) EVERY time I fall for someone it's always a reason why they don't like me. Yeah, I can blame them til the cows come in, but I also have to blame myself here. I always fall for the wrong people. The person who treats me like garbage. The person who talks shit behind my back. The people who have no respect for me. Those people. For the longest (and a little bit now), I feel like assholes like them are the ones that I can only attract. I feel like that is all that I'm worth sometimes. I mean it happens everytime. Then I fell for some asshole (again). How do I get over him and how do I find a person (when I'm ready again because right now is a no) that is the complete opposite of the people I fell for in the past. Sorry for this long message. Thank you.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • First off, congratulations... you sound like you're at least somewhat sane, AND intelligent. That's probably the most important factor at this point. The fact that you are taking responsibility for at least part of the situation you're in and realize that it's not healthy, and that you're not trying to rush right into the next relationship, is a good start.

    Who knows why you tend to be attracted to the wrong people, but maybe using that to your advantage would be at least a better approach than what you've been doing.
    What I mean is, if you find yourself attracted to a guy, stop yourself and remind yourself that this is a pretty good sign that he's really an asshole! (And then avoid him, no matter how attracted you feel... remember, you know that since you're attracted to him, odds are he's an asshole)

    On the other hand, the guys that you don't feel an initial attraction to, the boring and plain guys who you normally wouldn't give a chance, realize that they MIGHT be good guys, and maybe force yourself to at least give them a shot... Let them take you out on a date, get to know them a bit more, all while keeping in mind that your radar is a little screwy.

    Over time, after giving these boring guys a chance, you might realize that you do have feelings for them and your attraction to them will increase with time, after you begin to experience what it's like to be cared for, thought about, treated well, and respected.

    While this is a quick and easy way to POTENTIALLY avoid falling into the asshole trap, perhaps some therapy would do you some good for the long term, maybe help straighten your antenna so that you start feeling more attraction to actually nice guys who will treat you right.

    Hopefully this opinion offers even just a small nugget of useful advice, and remember, you deserve the best. Don't settle for assholes.

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    • Thanks. I mean I can't help but to blame myself. I am emotional and stubborn. Two HORRIBLE qualities I hate about myself, so it will be hard but still.

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    • soild advice!

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