Why are people in serious long term relationships usually with people of the same race?

I used to like this italian guy and he is dating an italian girl
I used to like this black guy and he is dating a black girl
I had a crush on another black guy and found out he is married to a black girl
I used to know a korean guy who really wanted an Asian girlfriend

All the happy long term relationships that I know of are with people of the same race and cultural background.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In general, people are attracted to other people like themselves.

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    • Thanks for MH.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, someone of a certain race or ethnicity is more likely to share things such as style of upbringing, tradition, and outlook on life, as well as beauty standards, with someone of their race or ethnicity, due to who they're surrounded by and what their parents imparted on them.

    For example, a Chinese guy and a white, American girl are less likely to share style of upbringing, and certain traditions and beauty standards. That doesn't mean long-term relationships don't happen, but it's less likely.

    Things that make interracial relationships more likely to thrive are coming from a mixed-race background, living in a community with lots of different ethnicities and races, and/or seeing many interracial couples growing up.

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    • To add to what you've said, even for people who're attracted to folks outside their ethnicity and would be willing to try dating despite a few differences in upbringing, there's still the fear of rejection because of race. Even in same-ethnicity couples, there's a huge fear of rejection, "maybe she won't date someone my height", "maybe he thinks I'm not pretty enough", and it's hard enough for some people to even approach someone to get into a relationship to begin with. When you add the extra fear of "maybe she doesn't date Asian guys", "maybe he doesn't like Italians", it's just one more barrier in a process that's far from easy to begin with.

    • @Melirain Thanks for adding. i hadn't thought of that.

What Guys Said 6

  • Well, to be exact, "Italian" is not an ethnicity. If you're caucasian, you have the same ethnicity as an Italian, he just has a different nationality.

    But to answer your question:
    It is certainly not true that "all" happy, long-term relationships are between two people of the same race. In fact, I myself am in a happy long-term relationship with a girl of a different ethnicity (I am European caucasian, she is Korean (not European Korean, real Korean)). We have been very happily together for 5 years now. I also know several people who have been married to a person of another ethnicity for at least 10 years.
    So like all generalisations, this one is certainly not correct.
    However, I would agree with you that UNDER CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES, biracial relationships tend to be harder to maintain. Namely, this is the case if a biracial relationship is also a bi-cultural relationship. This is not always and not necessarily the case though. And this is the reason why I put extra stress on the fact that my girlfriend is not European-Korean but real Korean. There's important difference. If my girlfriend had been born to Korean parents living in Europe, she would have mainly grown up with a European cultural background, a European mindset, mentality etc.. This is for example the case for Korean Americans. Though they might still speak the language of their parents, they are almost always 99% AMERICANS. With my girlfriend, it's not like that. She was born and raised in South Korea and came to live with me in Europe just 2 years ago. This means that many things that are familiar to me here in Europe are not familiar to her. Though we are very similar in some aspects (character etc.), we are also vastly different in other aspects - especially when it's related to our cultural background. We have a very different mentality, we have grown up with completely different customs, completely different perspectives on certain issues (family, parents, society etc.), we don't even speak the same native language. Such a bi-cultural relationship afford A LOT of: tolerance, openness, patience, willingness to work things out, willingness to solve problems together, sensitivity, flexibility and perhaps most of all: curiosity. If you don't have these character traits, you are incapable of maintaining a bi-cultural relationship. It might work for 1-2 years when your main interest is fucking like rabbits but as soon as the relationship becomes seriously deep (this usually happens after

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    • 2-3 years) you MUST be a person who has at least most of those character traits. Just to give you a very small example: if I was some narrow-minded, stuck-up person who hates foreign food, I would try the Korean food my girlfriend grew up with. This would lie like a heavy stone on our relationship because it would basically be like rejecting her culture. Of course there are also much more complicated issues than food, such as understanding your partner's mentality and knowing how to correctly respond and react, especially in heated situations such as a fight.
      Bi-cultural relationships are not something for everyone because they afford that you really work for your relationship and both partners are 100% committed. Now, you could argue that black Americans and white Americans are from the same culture but I would argue that black Americans are very interesting exception to the rule. Due to their important historical background, they could be considered to have a culture of their own.

  • There are two aspects to this. First, we tend to marry people we know, who are most often from our our race, so more marriages means you will see more long-term marriages from same-race couples.

    Second, different races frequently have different cultures and different experiences of the same culture. A white woman walking down the street who sees a police officer probably feels safer. A black man walking down the same street, seeing the same officer, probably is worried that he'll be shot for no reason.

    As a result, two people from different races living together, seeing the same things, may experience totally different worlds. There's also the question of expectations. Every culture has different expectations for the men and women within it. The problem is that a Chinese man's expectations of his Black wife may be very different from what she feels he has a right to expect, and vice-versa.

    These are just examples of some of the problems that interracial couples experience, and they CAN BE OVERCOME, but it is not easy or painless.

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  • Most comfortable and easy finding a person with a similar background. If you're of X race, you tend to know mostly people of X race and fewer of races Y and Z.

    Also, for immigrants, they tend to hang out mostly with people of the same race / nationality because usually those are some of the first people you meet.
    I live in the UK, but am not British. The first 20 or so people I got to know where from my home country. I met them through Facebook groups and uni and such. Then, I befriended a bunch of British people and I now know more British people, but that wasn't the case initially.

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  • I guess it's because people live in communities... and if you meet many people of your own community it increases the chance they'll form a couple.
    Plus, this also avoids the risk of a "culture shock"... many of us like to make friends from other races and cultures, but to be a couple with them is harder!

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  • They have cultural loyalty, and thats just who they want to be with?
    Why is this a problem to people is a better question?

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  • Because it's easier. Every cultural difference is a potential conflict.

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What Girls Said 3

  • If they felt comfortable with that person... why not? Similar mindsets are more likelty to get together than two different ones

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  • well, that's cause the probably agree with each other more because they are from the same race and culture. Maybe their parents wanted them to be with someone of same race.

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  • People date who they want. It just so happens who they're happy with is of the same race as them.

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