How does this story sound?

I write a lot and I was curious how this sounded to people. I was aiming for sadness and I want everyone to read it but animal lovers will connect more.

Waking up from my nap, I see my owner. My heart beat speeds and I get excited, panting and my tongue lolling to the side. Why is he standing on the chair? Silly humans. They don't know they're supposed to sit on chairs, not stand. I bark at him, wanting him to get down. He looks down and says something in his human language, a word I hear often but don't know the meaning of. It sounds like Sorry but I don't know. I hear him tell me he loves me and cries. Barking again, I put my paws up on the chair. Master needs to Stop crying and pet me. He kicks the chair out from under him but he stays in the air. That's interesting, I didn't know humans could float. He's slowly spinning in circles, just waiting and his face is blue. I walk around the chair, barking at him to Stop. I'm worried. He looks down at me, his eyes slightly open, and he doesn't say anything. Why isn't master talking to me or moving?

Oh well. He'll be fine. I curl up in a ball next to the chair and close my eyes ready for a nap. My last thoughts being, I'll wake up when he does.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Very deep and moving - Can't add much - Your other story and link is still on my list I haven't forgotten, it is a mixture of time and mood for me, sitting down to give it proper reflection.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I did get sadness. Not the sadness of the suicide, but the sadness of knowing that THAT sadness might wash right over your dog in just a few seconds. Like, "OK, I was sad, alright? Where's my food?"

    My mental image kinda got destroyed in the middle, though. Paws on chair, then chair gets kicked away-- but narrator/dog doesn't react?
    Something's missing there, for sure. If my paws are still on the chair, I'm gna get knocked off balance, on top of not knowing what the heck is going on.

    Interestingly, this is the opposite of what happens with most dogs. When their owners have weird medical things happen to them (stroke, seizure, etc), dogs tend to bark their little asses off until they're absolutely exhausted. Not all of them, of course, but most.
    Lives get saved this way on the reg, actually. Old person, living alone with dog, has stroke/seizure/other event; dog barks like crazy; neighbor or passerby notices, investigates, calls 911.

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What Guys Said 5

  • This is sooo damn sad! :(

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  • that makes me uncomfy, so i guess that works, i wrote this Now, this is a story all about how
    My life got flipped-turned upside down
    And I'd like to take a minute
    Just sit right there
    I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air

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  • I'm an animal lover but I didn't really get sadness. 2 points why that might be the case:

    - I knew already in the second line what would happen
    - I'm a could hearted asshole with no heart

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  • Awesometacular 🙂

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  • Sounds sad, yes.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Some words more and I would be in tears right now...

    beautiful, but short :(

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