**SERIOUS ANSWERS ONLY, PLEASE**: Why and how are you confident? Where does your confidence come from?

One of the biggest buzzwords thrown around when discussing the idea of dating is "confidence". Your mojo. The thing inside of you that makes you feel sure of yourself and that your actions will lead to the desired outcome, that tells you that you are in control of the situation. It's the thing that just makes you feel that you're good and you know it. You see it time and again. People say a guy's confidence is more important than looks and money even, and that even if a guy has these things in abundance, without confidence, these things won't help that much if your intention is to get into a serious relationship (which I am and have always been). You hear about rich guys hiring dating coaches because even if they're rich and have good jobs and flashy cars, they still can't figure it out. It's something even men and women agree on when you ask - girls want confident guys.

Now, I don't blame women for wanting confident guys. I understand the thought process. Confidence is a sign that a guy is a survivor, that he can make it in the world. He creates the feeling that if you join his team, you will join the winning side. Everybody loves a winner, everybody wants to be a winner. This is understandable. Victory brings with it safety, and it also brings thrills. Simply, it's fun to win. It's good to be king (or queen, if you're a girl). Hey, I want to be king too. Or at least a prince or a knight. I get it.

Confidence is also a sign that the guy has a lot of good vibes, fun, and value to offer. And the flip side - he doesn't bring you down with bad feelings. Nobody likes to lose. Nobody likes to be caught in the worry of uncertainty. It isn't fun. It doesn't make you feel good about yourself.

But what can you do when you've never felt confident? I've never felt special, gifted, or talented. I've never been the guy that wins it all and gets the girl. I've never felt any reason to be confident. So where does your confidence come from?


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What Girls Said 1

  • You come across really well just from your wording of your question haha.
    I'm not sure what I can offer in terms of an answer, but I guess confidence comes from growing older and through life experiences. Being able to look back and say 'I got through that' or 'I'm more aware what to do in that situation now'

    I think confidence kind of goes hand in hand with learning.. When it comes to being confident in your life handling abilities, anyway.
    Looks wise is a whole other question haha.

    I don't know you, but even by wording a question well you seem like you have a good understanding of people, and you come off intelligent - that's a gift in itself. :-)

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    • Yeah, that's part of why I struggle with confidence especially as it relates to dealing with women that I want a relationship with. Because I'm so inexperienced, I make mistakes I shouldn't make and I accidentally give an impression of myself that isn't as good as it could have been, and I accidentally give the girl the impression that I'm a loser - not because I am, but because I don't know the correct way to act, to present myself as attractive and interesting. I hate it when that happens, especially when it's with a girl that I can talk to really well, who I enjoy spending time with and who acts like they enjoy spending time with me. I want to tell them, I wouldn't have said those things and acted that way if I knew that it would make you think of me as a loser, of course I didn't MEAN to give you that impression...

      Anyway. Thanks for saying I come off as intelligent and that you think I come across well. My understanding of women is not the best but I'm trying.

What Guys Said 1

  • My confidence comes from my ego. My arrogance.

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    • Eh, I've never been able to pull that off for a number of reasons. One, it just isn't my style. And two, there's always a richer, better-looking, more muscular, smarter, more creative, more talented guy. There's always a bigger fish. And when you meet him, then what?

      Napoleon was a great general, but someone kicked his ass eventually.

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    • I think I see what you mean. It's pretty clear that a guy doesn't have to be the biggest fish around in order to get a girlfriend. It is true that I should work on my personality/identity/individuality more.

    • There's only one "SkaFish". There's nobody else in the world who is exactly like you. Nobody. You're already unique.

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