What is this feeling?

Since starting high school, I have felt empty inside. Not all the time, but quite often. I have lost passion for things that used to excite me, and feel as though no matter what I do and how well I succeed I'll never be good enough. I feel like a failure in nearly all that I do, and am convinced I will remain a failure, never being worth anything, for the rest of my life. Suicide has crossed my mind but I am too afraid to go through with it. I try to see it as a "permanent solution for a temporary problem" but my problem extends past now. I feel for the rest of my life I'll be nothing, useless, worthless. I hate myself, have low self-confidence, and low self-esteem. Sometimes I do feel happy, and everyone around me assumes I'm happy and optimistic 24/7, but I'm really not. I crave perfection that I know I can't attain yet try for anyway, and am horribly disappointed when I don't reach my standards and expectations. In my freshman year, I called up the suicide hotline, where an operator told me that I might have mild depression. Is what I'm feeling depression? I don't know, but I want help. I need help. These feelings cause my emotional and physical pain, and the thought of never being good enough or of being a failure pushes me to the brink of a meltdown. I can't stand it, I can't help it, and I'm lost without a clue what to do. I want to feel joy again, to feel less apathetic and lifeless. Can someone please tell me what I'm feeling, and what I should do?

Updates:
I can ask my school guidance counselor, but I don't know if my father would really believe I have depression. I can still ask...

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What Guys Said 1

  • Classical symptoms of depression. The good news is that it can be fixed. Go for help starting with your guidance counselor and then a licensed clinical therapist. I say this because if you go medical right away they'll put you on medication without dealing with life problems.
    Not that medication is bad. It's ignoring life circumstances that is bad. Now promise you will go tomorrow, won't you!

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What Girls Said 1

  • Careful because school gonna send you to doctors!

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