Im stressed out because my younger sister might get a boyfriend before me?

So my sister really likes this guy and he seems to like her too. Im really happy for her and I do hope it works out.

But The thing is that for years my Mother has been asking and talking about why we (my siblings and i) haven't had boyfriends or girlfriends yet. The only one that has had a girlfriend/boyfriend is my Oldest sister. My mother never had problems finding suitable partners, so growing up i did feel like it was something wrong with me since i had no boyfriends, i barely get past the third date for the most part.

On top of that my sister seems to enjoy teasing me about her "accomplishing" things before me, since im the older sister of the two of us. She got her period before me and she had sex before me. She seem to forget that first of all i have no control of my periods and second of all i could have had sex years ago, but i chose not to have casual sex. She hasn't mentioned any of those for years, but with that history i just know she is going to remind me that im not "good enough" to get a boyfried i guess if and when they actually end up togheter.

The whole situation is very bittersweet for me because im very happy that she found someone, but at the same timee i just know they are going to constant remind me of the fact that im still single.

Im after all the older sister, i "should" have had a boyfriend by now or at least before my younger sister. Im already dreading it, i dont know what to do. it actually stresses me out, because despite the fact that i have decided not to be defined by others, the people i care the most about are going to think low of me in a way.

Any advice on how to handle this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know how you feel. My younger brother not only had girlfriends before I did. He's actually married now. And I'm still a virgin. Needless to say I felt like a real loser for a real long time. Maybe I am a loser, but I've come to accept and recognize a few things. First off, my brother was always more social than I was, second I made the conscious choice to not look for dates and instead focus on going to college and focus on my studies. Honestly, you just have to accept that you're a "late bloomer" so to speak and that you're taking your time. There's no shame in it. Unless you choose to feel shame. And if other people belittle you for it, well to hell with them. They're not you. They don't know you.

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    • She is way more open than i am, i have been extremly closed off in the past.. Now not so much, but i have a tendency to hold a lot of things for myself. So it makes sense that she has more friends and she meets guys more often, so in that asepct its hard to compare us.

      And she rarely thinks bad about people, while im quite cynical.. in additon she invests a lot more in people than i do. Looking at facts its not odd if she gets a boyfriend before me

    • Yeah, that's basically my brother and myself in a nutshell as well. He's more optimistic, I'm more cynical. So yeah.

Most Helpful Girl

  • The best way to handle this is to handle THEM. When your mom or sister makes comments about you always coming in 2nd place to your sister you need to tell them that you are both individuals who live different lives, and thats why you do things at different paces. Tell them you are not a clone of your sister, therefore, you will not do everything identical to her. If you'd like, you can also accuse your sister of being insecure since she's always comparing herself to you and putting you down, this will wake her up for you. It might even offend her, but the truth hurts, because a truly confident person competes against themselves, not anyone else and they do not compare themselves to others. Lastly, I would try distancing yourself from them. Like don't tell them your business, when they ask you questions about your private life, don't give details, be very general and vague. Because at the end of the day, its none of their business who you have sex with, if you have a boyfriend, when your period is, etc. Stand up for yourself. Put them in their place, then put your guard up. I hope this helped! :)

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    • you're right, i was actually thinking about telling my sister now or soon about how i feel and what im worried about. And when my mother ask i always vauge because its like i said, i never get past the third date anyway..

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    • Be careful telling them your worries because they could use them against you. They already like to make you feel insecure and like you're not good enough. Don't give them anymore reasons to tear you down.

      You're welcome :)

    • Thank you! I hope things are going well for you :)

What Guys Said 3

  • You need to take a chill pill. You act like you're in a race. After all, Venus Williams did it first, but Setena did it best.

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    • "Venus did it first but Selena did it best"
      Great line @palek

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    • I guess you're right, but its hard when you really want their aproval. by the way telling her i might be gay wouldn't make it any easier, she would just ask why i haven't gotten a girlfriend yet

    • Then tell her you're a man trapped in a woman's body. Or better yet, tell her you feel sexually attracted to horses or small watercraft.

  • It shouldn't matter who dates first. If I were that neurotic and crazy, I'd be going otta my mind freaking out right now about why I have yet to have a girlfriend and why I'm not married yet. But I'm not because I'm content with the fact I may never get married or have a girlfriend. And that's fine with me, because I've learned to appreciate and love myself. You should do the same.

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    • i know it should matter.. i had a recent change of how i see myself and i have decided not to defined myself by other people. So im in a path of accepting myself and enjoying life with and without other people in my life. its no the fact that she gets a boyfriend before me, its more the "consequenses" of that happening that im stressed out about. Im so sure that the constant reminder is going to make me feel bad, a feeling i dont want

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    • they are going to remind me that i dont have a boyfriend, or ask me why i dont have one, or something like that. in additon there is this unwritten role that the older sister should have done thing before the younger sister

    • You consider that a consequence? LOL What you consider a consequence, I consider just an annoyance. I've already told/gave people the hint to leave me alone in terms of asking when I'm going to date/marry and who it is. And as for the unwritten "role", younger people date and marry before their elders all the time. Granted, it may not be as common. But it does happen. Hell, my 3rd oldest brother dated before my 2nd oldest. So, I'm not sure that "role" is that relevant anymore.

  • If you really tried to get a boyfriend you would have one.

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    • well at the end of the day thats not really the point... Whats the point of having a boyfriend just for the sake of it? If i met the right guy im sure everything would be much simpler, but meeting someone that you really like is based on pure luck

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    • i get what you're saying, but you make it seems like i only need to talk to the guy i want and then suddenly we are together.. you realise the guy has to be attracted to me right?

    • @Asker It's obviously more work than that, but if you valued having a boyfriend you would put in the effort.

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