I have a problem with my self-worth?

So lately I've been measuring my self-worth through guys. I know it's horrible and I know I should like myself because of me and not how other people see me but it's so hard. I have never had a boyfriend and lately I've been having anxiety attacks about my future. Like will anyone ever love me like that? What if I have no one for prom but my friends do? Whow would like someone as ugly as me? I see guys and I'm automatically thinking about what he thinks of me. Does he like what I look like? Would he talk to me in public? I've been so obsessed and I don't know how to fix it. I don't want to depend on guys to make me feel good but I have Neenah. No matter how many times my friends compliment me it never equals the opinion of a guy.

Updates:
Sorry about random autocorrect and spelling. I was very upset.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I read through the posts and I'm surprised nobody said anything horrible. There's evil people on here that prey on anyone that hurts and needs help cuz they're miserable and misery loves company so if (when) that happens, don't believe them. Just remember this. The age you are isn't easy for anyone but some have more difficulty than others. The world today brainwashes anyone it can through media. You have to fit their idea of beauty, popularity, have boyfriends, wear the right clothes, have perfect hair, makeup, nails, skin, eyes, etc. None of this is true. Everyone has value and everyone has imperfections and it's ok. That's what makes you human and unique. I know everything that you mentioned is important to you and you want to succeed at them. The biggest part of success is loving and accepting yourself. When you do that, everything else will come and fall into place. You're so young and life is just starting for you. Try to relax and understand everything will be alright. Of course there will be someone that will love you and there's people that love you now. Be careful not to leave yourself open to being taken advantage of. Guys can be really predatory. There's guys that look for girls like you cuz they think you're easy to manipulate cuz you want to be loved and paid attention to. They will use that and trick you into doing something you will regret. Don't let that happen! They are very smart and tricky so never let your guard down. Don't think every one is like that but just be careful. If they try to get you to do anything and don't respect your feelings, they're using you. You're going to be ok, your future will be ok. So smile and keep you chin up. Stay calm, try to relax. If you don't get asked to the prom, big deal. If you do, great. I never went to any promos. I was way to shy to ask a girl to one. I turned out perfectly fine and you will too. There's a ton of great people on here that would love to help you too. Just ask anyone that posted here, including me. It's going to be just fine.

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    • Thanks for mho 😊 but more importantly, I hope this was truly helpful. Remember to keep your guard up. That doesn't mean you can't trust anyone just be careful and smart about who you trust. Some words I live by: Don't allow anyone to disrespect you, keep your standards up, words are only words, they are cheap. Make people prove themselves with time and actions, not what honey they might pour in your ear. You're gonna do just fine. I know cuz you're reaching out for help when you need it. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help, we all need it at times. Go to family first, they don't have ulterior motives. Ask someone on here, go to friends but be careful cuz they might not have the best advice or might have other loyalties. You're pretty cool, stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive about what could go right. You got this.😉

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    • Haha thank you :)

    • Yep good luck. 😊

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi there,
    I know what is it like to feel that way. You have asked for advice which is a great first step. :-D It does take time and work on your side and you must make that commitment to yourself. You ARE worth it.
    I will add the fact you realise and want to change it now is great. Many people go through life without sorting this out.
    The validation you get from boys and friend doesn't last because it comes from outside of you.

    Try doing the following for 2months everyday then let me/us know the update.
    It comes down to self love. Treat yourself the way you want a boy to treat you. There is something called Mirror work. (I have put two links at the bottom but also do your own googling.
    Everything you want to hear from a boy, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself this. You may feel silly to start with, you may laugh, you may cry but the more you do it the more it becames apart of you. Pick out features and tell yourself what you like about them. Forgive yourself for not being there before but your here now.

    The more you do this, and other self love practices ( I can't put links in my posts yet so google mirror work and self love and put these into action) the more your healthy boundaries will grow and you will find you act differently, more confident but its a quiet confident. If a guy gives you a compliment, you will still enjoy it, but he will just be saying something you already know to be true.

    You will feel less anxious. But it does take action on your part. You do need to commit to this & yourself the same way you want to commit to aguy. Trust me it will be worth it. You will have an inner strength to stand by your values and not allow yourself to be treated less than you deserve by anyone as well. x

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What Guys Said 7

  • Listen to this every night before bed for 7 days, then see how you feel. If you fall asleep while listening it's OK you will still get what you need. Takes about an hour to listen to.
    r.search.yahoo.com/.../...l7MO1.H81KZkJzunRzoJqx0-

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  • Not only are you insulting yourself but insulting your friends too. Why should the opinion of a stranger be more important than that of someone who loves you? And if I stranger did think you were attractive or not attractive, does that make it true?

    One problem with getting obsessed with how guys react to you is that it opens you up to manipulation and abuse. Once they figure out what you want to hear, they can have far too much influence over you than they deserve, usually to your regret. When you are more secure in yourself, dishonest people will have much less power over you.

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  • Ha-ha hey you got to start loving yourself first.. Accepting who your are... Then when you are secure in yourself you will get a boyfriend... confidence is attractive!!!

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    • I try to act confident if that counts... I don't think myou friends know it even because I just freak out at night mostly. That's usually when I get my anxiety attacks..

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    • Why do you get anxiety attacks?

    • Various reasons, but part of it is basically this. I start thinking of something simple like prom and then it spirals into things like I'll be forever alone, no one will love me, I get light headed and shake and it's just a mess

  • You may find this weird but ask a guy out. You may be surprised at how many guys think the same thing you do. "I can't ask ____ out because ______ " that's the same thoughts I had." ask someone out and if they say no that's it nothing more move on. Most people say that you where to good or some other bullshit but you they said no you move on.

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    • I don't know if I can do that. I think at the moment I rely so much on their opinionsite that a no would be earth shattering..

    • Very true! glade you know can make your own choices.

  • Try working out or join gym. As you progress on your body you will feel better about yourself.
    Find a new hobby.
    Best of luck

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  • If prom Is a problem you are welcome to come with me.
    Hate to say this a lot of us guys are just pricks who are very unsinsitive. We seem yo just look at superficial beauty not the true person.

    Strive for exelence and you will find someone.😊

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  • You should probably just read through this.

    www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/.../infopax.cfm

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What Girls Said 4

  • You worry to much, you have plenty of time your future is just beginning. First I think you need to work on your confidence level and try to turn your insecurities into strengths. Find something that you love about yourself, or find a hobby that you really love and stick to that. You have to learn how to love yourself first before you can love someone else. When I was your age I didn't have a lot of self confidence in myself because I compared myself to a lot of girls, and I always looked at myself differently. It took me a while to learn to love my insecurities but it does take time. Go with a group of friends to prom, or maybe a cousin to prom that's what I'm doing. Don't try to depend on guys to make you feel better about yourself, it isn't good you'll get hurt I've done that once. Write down short quotes like "I am beautiful" or "I am strong" and put them around your mirror. Repeat them before you go to bed, and when you wake up. You can always go to prom with a family member like a cousin or something you don't always have to go with a boy. I'm going with my cousin who's the same age as me, and I can't wait. Don't stress so much about small things, you'll be okay.

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  • You need to just develop a mindset that you are your own person and that no one can truly love you until you love yourself. Maybe that will require counseling or maybe just a conscious effort on your part.

    And as far as the prom thing, speaking from experience... it isn't that bad. I got stood up junior year. I still went to the prom even though all my friends had dates and I had a blast. The following year I had a date and it was so awkward and not nearly as much fun.

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  • You need to talk to your parents and ask to see a therapist.

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  • You need to get it together. Insecurity isn't attractive.

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    • I don't know how is the thing

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    • Yeah but that's what I'm saying... I know it's not a good thing I just can't turn off the voice.

    • For now.. Let the feelings surface. Then it will leave your cells as they can't stay there forever provided you dont fight it or repress it.

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