What's the purpose of getting used & allowing your heart to get torn apart if you don't gain anything but sorrow and emptiness when it's done?

I'm not gonna get into the guts, gore, and glory of this situation... But
We've known each other for 4 months, and it's been purely a sexual relationship in which I accidentally, and overnight, caught feelings for him. He isn't ready to commit to one woman. I know that. But I keep telling myself that he will, he'll realize I'm what he wants, or that he does have a heart for me but has more selfish desires of his own that will soon fade. I know I can't change anyone. I know it doesn't matter how gorgeous or smart or funny I may be. If a dude isn't ready, he isn't ready. Especially when it's a pattern that is not only with me.

One day I tell myself I am fine without him, the next.. I'm messaging him and am at his door again. I feel like I'm beating a dead horse.. He knows I'm down for him, and I'm not getting anything. I hate feelings. I don't want to feel again if this is what it causes. Feelings of despair and a type of loneliness / desire for something I can never have.. Just makes me listless. HAH! Even as I write this, I hear myself thinking, "never say never.. Even in a few years, when he and I are in different places.. Maybe just maybe things will work out." But that's dumb too. He makes me so dumb. What's the use of any of this? After its done, after I've been humbled and used, and in a sense, my dignity abused... What's the use? Now I'm back to where I was but instead I don't believe in love; I don't want to talk to any guy, period; I'm secluding myself again; I just want the gnawing loneliness and desire to go away.. But it won't now that I've tasted him, us. I hate it.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • okay.

    just be more careful next time and make wiser decisions.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • What's the sex like, when you have it?

    See, I can see the "crazy" starting to boil up inside you, as you write this.
    The crazy is... well, crazy. It's all kinds of shit at once, and it WILL overwhelm you, so, yeah, get ready for that. But GURRLLLL ARE YOU CHANNELING THAT SHIT INTO THE BEDROOM?

    I'm talking, like, the kind of fucking where you purposely dig in yr nails and draw streaks of blood while the boy's on top of you.
    The kind where every move you make with yr body is a dare. Like, just TRY to break my heart, boy, I fuckin' dare you. (Just mouth those words to yourself, and imagine fucking at the same time, and be amazed at how you'll suddenly picture yourself trying to break HIM with YOUR body.)
    The kind where you have orgasms that are screaming, cumming, and crying all at the same time, and you can't even tell those 3 things apart anymore.

    THAT kind of fucking.

    Is that happening?

    If not, then THAT, my dear, is yr window of opportunity here.

    I mean, this is especially effective if you start thinking about how much you HATE how he's treating you, when you get together.
    Every damn thrust, you think about how much you fucking hate him. Slap him across the face while he's fucking you. Scream obscenities at him when you climax. Spit in his face and rub it in with yr hand. THAT. That kind of thing. Do it.

    Then, when that's all done, you'll be... uh... surprisingly calm. Detached, even. Idgaf-style.
    That might even frighten him. He's too used to seeing you ga-ga over him.
    Fuck that.
    You fuck him like THAT? You won't have any of that left in you. You'll just be like, eh. And that, ironically, will give you a lot of control over the situation that you don't have right now.

    Oh, and, there's NO WAY he'll be able to resist crazy, crazy fucking like that. That shit's catnip for men, girl.
    There's a reason why the genes for bipolar and borderline personality disorders keep getting transmitted down to the next generation, ya know? It's because boys CANNOT STAY AWAY from the sheer carnal draw of those women.

    You've got that anger starting to burn inside you. Good! Use it to your advantage. Let it flow into every fucking thing you do with (and to) that boy.
    Every single thing.

    Then watch yourself care less and less. And less and less and less.

    Until just mb it'll be YOU using HIM for the fucking.

    Then you can throw him away.

    And laugh.

    <3

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    • I'm ON IT. Gonna give it a real go. I love your advice, always the best with the most fire

    • Show All
    • Lol ugh too much as gone on. I met someone new who i just adore. He and I just had sex last night after going out for a few weeks.

    • Ah you should pm me, if you want

What Guys Said 2

  • No offense, darling but you set yourself up for a heartbreak. You knew full well the facts and still choose to lie to yourself. He's hardly responsible for your feelings. What's the purpose? To teach you there's no such thing as "just sex".

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    • I am not putting any blame on him. Throughout the text I never said anything of that matter. I am putting the blame on myself, or just an underestimate of how much I was planning on catching feelings

    • Thanks anyways though, darling

    • I see. Well, you'll know better next time. Just give yourself 2-3 months and you'll be drooling after another guy in no time. That's how much it took me to forget a 4-year-old relationship.

  • stop having sex with him. be happy, that was a phase and you've got many experiences from it. don't think that he took anything from you. sex is a sharing between both of you guys. if he doesn't care for your feelings, you should never ever care for his appitite. unless you're feeling the same. but it's better to move on.

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