Help!!! Is the only way to get a guy to commit to you is to stop being physically intimate with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If our relationship is built on sex, and she withholds it from me, then our relationship is over. There was never more there.
    if our relationship was a serious one, and she withholds sex to punish me, the relationship is over. i will not be given sex as a treat when I behave, and be denied it when she feels upset with me, like it is a doggy treat and I am the dog. A relationship is built on mutual respect, and her using sex to control me says how very little respect she has for me.

    If you want a man who wants to commit to you, try finding a man looking for a commitment, and stop trying to trap the guy who is a playa in his own mind and only wants to get his dick wet. You aren't going to make him a better person.

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    • What I never said that this was a good idea or that I was for It, someone told me it was a good idea so I wanted to ask others opinions.
      My guy is not a playa and doesn't just want sex, we actually spend time together

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    • I suggest you step back, calm down, and give things about two weeks. See how much time he spends with you, see how plans work out, etc. And then, after two weeks is up, were you objectively gauge how things are going, decide whether you want to talk to him, or let things stay as they are. Because you aren't going to manage to somehow get him to just tell you. So from a critical point of view, you need to either gauge it for yourself, or, slowly and when you are ready, find a way to actually talk to him about it.

    • I don't know I'm just probably overreacting

What Guys Said 10

  • I think by doing that, you just make them seek someone else.

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    • Oh, not that they'll be more proned to get me?

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    • Then I don't know what you are basing your relation on, you don't even seem to know him

    • I know him really well and I think he loves me but then I don't want it to just be wishful thinking

  • There's no trick to this. You guys will either like each other, or you won't. And you'll both want a committed relationship, or you want. You've just gotta be yourself, make good choices, and have faith.

    P. S. Many men equate sexy time with stability and security in a relationship. If you cut it off, he's more than likely gonna think there's a big problem.

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    • What do you mean stabity and security? I don't get how those correlate

  • Leave the poor guy alone. He deserves someone better who wouldn't manipulate him like you so desperately want to.

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    • I don't want to someone just told me that this would be a good idea

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    • Well then I don't know

  • You really think using sex to negotiate commitment is a good idea? He either wants to commit to you or not. This is not how healthy relationships are based on.

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    • No I think it's a horrible idea, someone on her just told me it will work so I wanted to get other people's opinions

  • Manipulating him won't help you. If i were in your shoes, and you did that rather than caving to what you want... I would simply kick you out and find someone else. there are literally 3.5 billion women in the world, you have a TON of competition.

    How long have you been together. What kind of commitment are you wanting. Have you even talked to him about it?

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    • Were seeing each other and I just want to be in a relationship with him

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    • Well your telling all what you told me doesn't apply now because he's my ex?
      So what we concluded that I have to be he's significant other because we are more than friends, is not valid anymore?

    • Huh?

  • Sexual manipulation?

    Sex is easier than ever to get, so you're not shooting yourself in the foot. You're cutting it off

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    • What_?

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    • Well that's either confusion or he's reluctant about you joining you in the future

      At the end of the day, you know him much better than I ever will

    • Confusion? What do you mean?

  • Thanks anon. I really needed that laugh.

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  • Not really.

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  • No, if you cut them off, you could get dumped.

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    • Oh but we're not even together yet. I'm trying to make him want to be in a relationship with me

  • It's not good using sex in that way but usually works but can sometimes back fire if he doesn't value you as much as you thought he did and may leave

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    • Well he does want to spend time with me when he's free but I want to get him to want to be in a relationship with me

    • Well don't stop being physical if he hasn't become serious yet or he will leave , that's something you try later on but if your trying to have him make you exclusive and committed to you then just be yourself and be available , treat him good, maybe even cook for him sometimes

    • He's never free to cook for because he works all the time. I don't know what else to do though

What Girls Said 5

  • Yes-ish.

    When you are not physically intimate with a guy, it forces him to bond with your mind and spirit without being distracted by a plethora of sexual activity. I believe there is such thing as overconsumption when it comes to sexual activity and it has a way of turning bonds into cracked dryland that lacks proper nourishment. Sex, vaginas, penises, oral sex, etc. just cannot nourish a bond the way the mind and heart can and that's why you see a lot of connections slowly but surely erode if there's a ton of sex.

    Now if you've already acclimated him to a bond where he's used to it, it's a bit different. You'll have to explain that you want to slow things down but by then he may have an expectation or feel entitled to it.

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    • Right so what do I do now?

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    • Well that's how people address my questions so I this is how I choose to have people hear me out more

    • In all honesty... you're hecka annoying. I'm not going to continue sitting here, trying to jump through hoops while you get over some silly, irrational fear/overanalyzation of randoms online who are volunteering their time and efforts to help you out.

      Good luck and goodbye.

  • If the guy doesn't commit then it's time to say goodbye. If you stop being physical then there's even less of a reason for him to commit.

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    • Why would there be less of a reason to commit if I stop being physical?

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    • No I'm asking you, can I?

    • You're not going to be able to make him if he doesn't want to. The only thing that may is if you give him an ultimatum. Like if you tell him that if nothing serious is going to come of you two then you'll start looking for someone who is serious.

  • Oh my god. If he won't commit then just move on. You can't force him to commit and playing mind games with him won't help at all. Just give up on him and find a guy who wants to commit. They exist.

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    • I know I didn't think this was a good idea but someone told me this would work, I just wanted other people's opinions

    • Yeah. I don't know who told you this but you definitely shouldn't listen to them.

    • Yeah I'm not thinking so. So what would help

  • Well, it's usually best to start that after you have already been committed to the person. I'm not saying this as a way to slut shame, cause I don't care for that, but just that if you want a guy to commit, you usually have to make them work for it.

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    • Well our situation is a little different but how do I do that now

  • No I don't think thats the way!

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    • Okay then how

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    • So I wouldn't know. You have a very different personality than mines!

    • I'm 100% sure though

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