Someone please make me laugh?

I really need to laugh before I snap


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Most Helpful Guy

  • One day, while an elephant was walking through the woods, she got a thorn stuck in her foot. She saw an ant passing and asked him to help her get the thorn out. The ant asked, "What do I get in return?" The elephant replied, "If you get it out, I'll have sex with you." So the ant gets busy taking the thorn out. When he finally gets it out he looks up at the elephant and says "OK it's out, are you ready?". The elephant thinks, "Hey, what's a little ant gonna do anyways?" The ant climbs up and starts to work away. Just then a monkey overhead drops a coconut on the elephant's head. "Ouch" screams the elephant, and the ant responds, "Yeah take it all bitch."

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Say the word "bubbles" in the angriest voice you can.

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What Guys Said 17

  • Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting while Newton and Pascal hide. Pascal runs off and hides while Newton doesn't move an inch. Instead, he draws a square around himself in the dirt. After Einstein finishes counting, he opens his eyes and says, “Found you Newton! That was easy.”
    Newton says, “Nope. You found Pascal!”

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    • Of course, Newton measured his square in feet or yards, Pascal in meters.

  • How many SJWs does it take to change a light bulb?
    Zero. They'll say it's offensive and racist to change a dark light bulb for a bright one.

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  • IF you understand Latin:

    . A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus.
    “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks.
    The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
    7. Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please”.

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  • when iam not feeling good , i like to detach from reality for sometime , watch a movie or something and get deeply into it , the series " friends " works for me , and once i watched the movie " a million ways to die in the west " it really put me in a good mood.. good luck :)

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  • O no don't snap then the world will be lost the earth will open flames will rise the spa will get to hot people will complain and die and kill one another and o wait never mind nothing muc will change. Go for it!!! 👍

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  • So three dyslexics walk into a bra...

    Have you heard about the dyslexic devil worshipper?
    He sold his soul to Santa!

    Its ok I have a dyslexia card i can say these self mocking jokes :P

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  • I also needed a laugh but these other comments didn't help

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  • I'm drawing a blank atm! I have some pretty funny stories from my past but I can't think of them atm ugh!!

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  • Civil War - Last Donut will that work a second time?

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  • I can't tell you any joke tbh
    But we can flirt :P LOL

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  • Have I told you the story where I got my dick stuck in a Gatorade bottle?

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    • No but I could go for a funny story

    • Show All
    • Well, I have faith in you and I believe in you

  • I'm really good looking that makes every girl laugh cause its not true.

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  • My story in a club:

    I danced with a girl and then she said we should "go out". I said why should we go out its cold outside, its better to dance inside. She then outrageously left me.

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  • which has more lives a dog or a frog, the dog of course cause the frog "croaks" every night.

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What Girls Said 3

  • "One: The point is an abstract shape in art.
    The other: Gypsies aren't abstract!"

    Damn, I can't remember the exact words of this, but still... 😂

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  • "I love Satan. Well, I don't love Satan; I respect him. He always wears black and silver, silver and black. Anybody who can accessorize in that kind of heat -- that's really terrific."
    i googled 'jokes' for you! enjoy haha!

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