Did anyone else had a rough time in their early 20's (adult life) ?

I just feel like I've been a complete failure for the past couple of years and I'm very confused about life and what I want in general... I keep on changing majors and failing in UNI although I don't have to worry about anything else except my studies. I can't believe that I used to be a brilliant student in HS :/ ugh

Is this normal :/ ? It sucks because I'm still treated as a baby by my family, and it's true, I have been way too spoiled, never worked a day in my life, didn't even have to do chores growing up because we had maids, never had to worry about money because my parents get me everything I want...

But now I feel like I want to take my life in charge and I can't? It's like nobody is taking me seriously... How do I prove to my Family that I'm an adult now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nope I feel you right now about life in general. I have my degree and I am not happy so I'm still trying to find myself. At 25 it sucks. Looking back I wish I would of taken a gap year and traveled and found myself. Then go to college and go into my passions rather than the money. Money is always great but when you work 60 to 70 hours a week and your constantly tired and you have no life it's depressing. You are still brillant. College is just that tough. You gotta be strict with yourself and not let other temptations get in the way ie GAG haha. Be happy that your trying to find yourself so young that later you'll know what you want to do unlike me. Go after your passions in life. What makes you want to get up in the morning?

    I'm the baby of the family but I've worked hard for every penny I got. Paid my own way through school and I'd do it again that way. Maybe that's why your not doing as well cuz in the back of your head you have Mom and Dad to bail you out? I'm not sure. I know that if I failed I'd be wasting my own hard earned money so that kept me going

    I'm thinking maybe you take a semester off and work. Maybe get out there on your own. Prove to your parents that you can do anything you put your mind to.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I still have the life of a little girl. I never had a job. I still live with my parents. Things haven't changed a lot since my teen years and childhood. I still depend on my parents. They don't let me do things on my own just like a grown up. My mom was with me when I was registering for public university. Every student was registering by himself/herself and I was with my mom so she can speak for me, it was embarrassing. Since our car isn't working, I had to take the taxi to go to university. My mom went with me to catch a taxi as if I wasn't capable of doing it on my own. See, just like a little girl. Luckily there are moments when I feel grown up and those moments are special to me because I don't experience them often. For example taking the taxi by myself to go back home. I've had enough I want to be a normal adult. I'll be registering for my 3rd university semester by myself. I'll find a job as a tutor. I will buy groceries by myself, and I'll go in the kitchen and cook. I should make those things happen first and the driver's license can come later. I know if I get it now it'll be useless. #adultlifewhereareyou

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What Guys Said 37

  • Early 20'scan e rough to anyone, we all think that high school is where we find ourselves. When I was 20 I just got out of the Army and back from war, couldn't get a good job so I joined the Navy to put food in my stomach and a roof over my head. By age 24 I was out of the military, got medically discharged due to getting injured on ship. Actually bought a house then, worked as a painter for 5 years while I finished college. It wasn't until I was 32 that I graduated with a bachelors in engineering and got a better job. So give yourself time. Try each day to take on some responsibility, try volunteering to those less fortunate. I used to read stories to sick kids in the hospital, and helped with various charities, it's worth it to see what others don't have and to truly appreciate what you do have so you can feel a need to contribute more to others.

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  • 20's is transition and major growth time... I sucked in HS, rocked College and got a job, but it is still tough (my reference point).

    I've seen too many people who were great in HS... basically they wre focused or just really smart... bomb college because they didn't take it seriously.
    Haven't worked... yea, that's a problem... go get a job doing something. Learn how hard a waitress works and the crap they deal with. try some different jobs... You are made to work... read the Bible (ignore the parts about Kings and Queens:)!

    Read the book Change your life in 7 days (there are others I'm sure). See if any of that helps... they may not take you seriously because of their reference point of you... of fucking well... you are changing and they'll have to learn to accept the new you. You prove things by being it, so just do it and don't let them control you. That's how you be an adult.

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  • My entire life has been rough lol my families always have a rough time and we have all had to do our fair share of the work, the money etc I had my first job when I was around 10-12 years old not an easy child's job either an actual adult job. It used to be my folks who took care of me as a child now I'm helping to take care of them.

    It sounds like to me and I'll be frank here you were quite spoiled and now you've been sort of thrust into the real world as it were and your getting a taste of reality. All I can say is actions speak louder then words the only way to prove to your family that your not a baby is to show them but without knowing more about that I can't really give you specifics. If you'd like to continue this you can PM me.

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  • I think we all go through that at some point, I've certainly hit some rough patches my first year of uni when I changed majors. The important part is really just not giving up and focus on your goals... we're young, it's fine to make mistakes along the way, part of the journey.

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  • I'm still in my early twenties but I never felt like that yet. Sometimes I don't even think I'm on my twenties, it's like I haven't grown up yet haha.

    But yeah, I understand you. We have to make a lot of diffcult choices and we actually want to get a life for ourselves without depending on others to live. What we should do is thinking carefully about what we want before making our decisions, principally decisions that we may regret about.

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  • It's hard, first figure out what you want. I know that it's not easy, but without that step nothing else follows. Next is make a plan to get there, regardless of how the plan looks, just make it. Then break the steps down to smaller until you have a daily goal and just work on those steps. Negative people will always be there but this is your dream, your goal just work your plan.

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  • If someone was always dependant, having their stuff handled for them, etc. and that someone would then tell you "I am now past that and doing my own life" ... would you take that someone serious?

    Obviously you wouldn't. First comes the actions and then comes being taken more serious.

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  • Well of course! Its only natural. by the way i just failed a final this morning! So College ain't my thing either.
    This is time where we have to prepare to start a career, support a family and find a companion

    Prove to your family you are an adult by picking up a part time job. Earn some cash, and once you save enough, move out of your parents home. Do things for yourself.

    You must be rich af to have maids, I didn't even have a mom around to clean my room, did it myself, or cook i ate cereal and eggo waffles 3 times a day. Count your blessings, maybe being spoiled isn't a bad thing.

    No one takes you serious because you have been coddled and achieved nothing. Achieve something.

    ALSO: learn how to cook, clean, and do things for yourself, no one wants to marry a useless princess.

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  • Pretty much. In fact, I feel like I am going through a midlife crisis despite only being 20. On the one hand, I feel like this is my last decade to really get my life together, graduate college, and get a career going so that I can be a man. But on the other hand, I fear that this is my last decade of youth and childhood so I do not want to pass it up. My struggle comes from trying to reconcile together these two opposing conflicts, and just making sense of the world around me.

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  • You have to identify the reasons as to why you have failed at studying !!!

    Maybe you have poor study habits, maybe you have never learned how to study effectively or at all, maybe you are not motivated enough

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  • Yeah I'm 26 and I still feel lost pretty frequently, I think about things like what if I don't meet the right girl? What if I decide I don't like my job any more, what else would I do? Should I go back to school, what should I study?

    It's hard to not compare yourself to others, especially in this day and age with social media.

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  • I think it's very common for people to feel that way in their early 20's.

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  • Still having difficulty, never had it easy with school, getting work or in the social arena. Still need to become independent, and find love because I have no idea what it is

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  • You will always be treated like a baby from your family

    And you actually aren't supposed to know what to do with your life it's all in god's hands

    20 is still VERYYYY young don't worry about it you're normal

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  • Drafted in the army for two years, says enough.

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    • I honestly wouldn't mind doing a stint in the military

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    • Also my Brothers didn't had to do it. My dad always spoke about it and kept the rest of his life friends because of that and seems so great

    • @vekin I didn't ever meet again a single one of the people I was there with. I didn't wish to.

  • welcome to my life. feeling like I'm 10 years behind where I should be

    failed at the 2 most important things, studies and love life :(

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    • Ughh *Hugs you* :( I'm the same haha

    • you're still young and can change... try to avoid being a female version of me at my age, lol

    • remember that your studies have a huge influence on the rest of your life once you're done

  • you don´t need to prove your family anything. they will realize as soon as you are on that level. proof it to yourself first.

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  • Life is all about rolling with the punches and even if you are messing up or not getting to where you want to be, never be hard on yourself

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  • yeah i feel worst than you do, by the way you can take all the responsibilities on yourself prove your parents that your an adult now.

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  • You can't change the way your family think's
    Instead prove yourself your abilities and achieve goals in life

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  • I used to think I was the smartest guy in the world when I was in school.
    College straightened my ego up. Just be competitive , and don't lose your appetite for GPA.

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  • It seems like you're just not focused in... I can't say what is causing the loss of focus. But try to evaluate that

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  • Lol approaching it and hell no I've been beast all throughout my HS and it's my final year and pretty sure Ima still outbeast myself.

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  • I remember backk in my day...

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  • The 20's are difficult for many. It's when you are becoming who you will be.
    And sometimes family has a hard time letting that happen.
    You will find your way

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  • If you have to ask you're not an adult.

    But it's not a burden to take lightly. Even people in their 30s are still not adults. It's a social burden you're definitely not ready for.

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  • I'm having a bit of a hard time. But you can't compare your life to everyone else's. I know some people who've had rough years in their twenties and I know some who've sailed through their twenties like nothing

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  • Omg exactly like me though I am not failing Univ yet but my grades have gone down. We had maids too but I was still forced to do at least a bit of work like cleaning my room myself, getting water myself. Going out to play and not being on comp all day etc small things which made hostel life easier.

    Are you from a military or some kind of diplomat or sth background?

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  • I sure hope not

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  • Yeah it has

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What Girls Said 12

  • Definitely. There's a saying I found that pretty much sums it up:

    cdn-webimages.wimages.net/...4e755d1f9eb492-wm.jpg

    I'm 23 now and still struggling. I dropped out of college after one year and have been terrified to go back ever since.. scared of failing really. So I work 2 jobs, 65 hours a week and still get help from my parents (they pay my phone bill, car insurance, and I'm on their health insurance). My counselor said that we need to take risks, though, and it's good to be scared and it's good to make mistakes.

    I wish you luck :)

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  • Start off by dropping the idea that you have to prove anything to anybody. A lot of people have no idea what they are doing in life. More so when you're younger but plenty of older people as well. It sounds like you are still taking classes, which is good, so the first thing you should do is get a job. There should be plenty of opportunities on campus or nearby at supermarkets or retail stores. Find something and start saving money and paying for your own stuff. Aside from doing that and your schoolwork, there's not much else for you to really worry about at your age. Just work on finishing school, saving money, and learning to manage your finances.

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  • I am having a hard time to. I can't work because someone has to watch my disabled brother which fell on me. Because of lack of experience due to having to watch my brother, I am having difficulty getting a paying job. I got a volunteer position working weekends at a hospital while my parents watch my brother, which I can't complain it's better than nothing and it will get me my much needed experience. I was also spoiled by my family, I got basically anything I wanted and for a majority of my life, never even had to share a room, I even have the largest bed space. I feel like I am wasting my life away because I want to travel the world while I am still young but I have to go to school to even have enough money to travel. I used to be smart in high school, hardly had to try. Now I realize I am not as smart as I thought I was.

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  • My life in general has had its share of rough patches. It's frustrating, no doubt. What things have changed in your life from before? Maybe that's not helping your stress level. Are you sure you're studying what you want to? If you're not, that's definitely not helping matters.

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  • Same story bro! Growing up is tough!

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    • To be honest I am just starting to grow up little by little everyday. Sometimes I take a few steps back!

  • I feel you a bit the same upbringing me and you. at least you get to study abroad, mine were way too protective for that.
    Although I was one of the top students in school then my first 2 years were crappy af.
    anw, the thing is it would get better if you are willing.
    to be willing you need to believe in yourself and stop being lazy.
    when you convince yourself that you are responsible than your parents will believe it too.

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  • Life has never been easy for me and my family. I've had to grow up faster than other people. Not because I wanted to but because I had to. You don't really need or have to prove to anything to anyone. If you really want to be independent and take charge. You can start by working. Then you go from there!

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  • I'm still having a rough time. :'(

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  • We all have to grow up sometime in our lives. But there comes a time when you have to work for things and earn them. I wasn't spoiled, I was sheltered yes but not spoiled. I try to take baby steps and I am still trying to grow as a person and learn new things that I will have to conquer in the real world. I would say get a job and save up money so you can pay for your phone bill, car insurance, etc. I didn't have maids when I was growing up I did chores, washed dishes, washed clothes, etc.

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  • I was an excellent student when I was in high school but that changed when I went to university. I kept failing all my subjects... To the point where I became so traumatized that I started getting panic attacks. I became depressed and had to take some time off from school. I was on antidepressants for over a year until I could gather my thoughts and get a hold of the situation. Like you I was spoiled. I still am. I haven't worked a day in my life either but at least I got my shit together and started a master's program. I was 26 by then.
    The advice my psychiatrist gave to me was to do everything at my own pace... That really worked.
    I think it's pretty common to feel lost in your early 20s.

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  • yes my teacher are so mean to me

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  • So what you turn 21 and your still going to be treated like a baby? You need to grow uo get yourself a job get your money on your own.

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