Why would someone WANT to make you feel bad about yourself?

I came up with two reasons:

1. They're insecure and want to bring you down to make you feel better.
2. They're jealous of your confidence.

Most people that I've come across who think someone else is whatever or something along those lines don't really try to make them feel bad, they're just dismissive of them or look at them temporarily, then go back to carrying on whatever conversation they were having.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Motivation maybe? A lot of people have called me a bully on this site but some people are so deluded in their ways that someone with no filter needs to tell them how it is. If everyone in their life is just nice and jolly about everything and not willing to spit the truth then people in the wrong will never assess their situation correctly. People that overweight need to be told that they are fat. Guys in their 30s complaining about their virginity and trying to spread their misogynist mindset to the rest of the world need to be told that they are losers and need to make a change. Bitter sexually repressed women who try to demonize men for the most petty of scenarios need to be called out as the crazy cat lady. The guy who looks extremely awkward taking a bathroom selfie asking a question on this site as to why he can't get laid needs to be told he looks like an awkward serial killer so he can change that. I think everyone is all too sensitive these days.. have you ever heard of the term "guys just being guys" I'll make fun of any my bros that is a virgin or is fat. They would probabaly insult me back and we'd laugh together. It's not that big of a deal. I'm not very politically correct as you can see lol.

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    • I re read your question and I think I went in the wrong direction with my answer so sorry for derailing but yes I can understand. Most likely jealous.

Most Helpful Girl

  • OK so my mother is one of these people. It isn't about being insecure she just really hates life and finds you in almost nothing.

    She will help you if you are in her 'in group' otherwise she tries to see you fail, sets you up and laughs. She only helps to control.

    I made really good money at my old job but left to start a business of my own and didn't tell me Mom because she is negative always. Once the business had been off the ground and doing well I then told her I 'was laid off' and 'struggling'. She got so happy and told everyone to the point where people were like calling me telling me to set it right. But she was partying like it was 1999 telling people I failed at life.

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    • I have a mother who is like this also, where she tells people about things I would never want anyone to know. And I would get so frustrated with her, it's not even funny.

      After time, however, I realized something about her. She is so focused on destroying other people's happiness, that she never even really thinks about her own.

      She is wasting her own life talking shit about people etc. (which she does quite a bit of). The people at the other end don't even really care.

      I know it's difficult having a mother like that because mothers are supposed to be loving and caring. But over time when I realized she is almost 60 and I am not even close to her age, I started understanding I still have a shot at a better life, whereas hers is almost over.

    • Wow you nailed it. Sounds line we have the same struggle to just not repeat it. I had mono at 7 and got a rash on my bum. I kicked and screamed in protest but my Mon still pulled down my pants to show 20 family members. She saw me more as a doll than an independent being with a mind. I was like, "no that's my bum and I'm embarrassed literally". And she was like, "shut up I only made that bum to speak well of me".

What Guys Said 11

  • The reason people want you to feel bad about themselves usually has nothing to do with their insecurities or some jealousy. That is a myth. As a matter of fact it is a myth made up by those who are insecure and jealous of the confidence of their attackers.

    People do these things because it grants them superiority and control. It is pure and utter dominance of another person which is a feeling of elation to them. They are confident because you are weak, and they are overbearing because you are inferior, and that is all there is to it.

    It is all about breaking your fellow man not building your own personal pedigree.

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    • That is literally what jealousy is. It is about breaking your fellow man so that he/she may not be 'more' than you.

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    • To be jealous is to want something another person has. These people want nothing from you. They don't even want "you" per se. They just want to break someone, anyone, and you just happened to be around. If not you, someone else, as it is a matter of opportunity not personal grudge.

      Some of the most powerful people on the planet reap others like they were wheat. They show dominance in the form of subtle control, commanding respect based on "merit" but seeking that merit solely for the respect. Success and beauty are not elements that make one an aside but instead almost guarantee the pursuit of dominance. It is quite fascinating to see how this works in criminology with wealthy people and beautiful people consistently showing less remorse because in reality they don't care. They have, in their mind, the right to their behavior and their judgment is superior to that of the lesser ranks.

      Affluenza is not "rare".

    • Lol.

      Jealousy is being afraid someone will take away what that person who is jealous has. Envy is wanting what someone else wants.

      But you do make an interesting point about people with power having no moral compass whatsoever. I wish more people saw them for who they really are.

  • I agree with what you said. I think it's make them feel in control so that you have to depend on them for everything and to make sure you stay loyal to them out of a need to survive.

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    • But what do they get out of it? Are they secretly jealous?

      No normal human being would ever want to hurt someone else that way.

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    • Agreed.

    • Whether it's same gender or opposite gender it could be done to "establish dominance" as the top dog of the group.

  • I think you're pretty much correct. I'd say most often it's the first one.

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  • they realize they have nothing to offer so they push you down so they themselves seem like better people.

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    • I agree.

      I remember being super-confident in the way I was talking to someone else and this girl couldn't stand it and was trying to make me feel bad.

    • take it as a compliment.

  • Some people just can't see others being happy. Example exes.

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  • Because the wrong people breed and procreate them.

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  • It could be level of respect or lack there of... You, know reciprocity?

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    • So you think that they feel the person at the other end is not respecting them?

    • In some cases yes. Usually when you are nice to someone they are nice in return, usually when you are mean to someone they are mean in return. It's the old golden rule in play. There are also people that are jealous of others and tend to talk behind their backs. The insecure thing you mentioned I would lump in with jealousy. That's still comparing yourself to someone else and a feeling of coming up short. I'd also add in that sometimes people are just having a bad day and they take it out on others indeliberately. I'm sure there are more possibilities as well.

  • out of pure pleasure of hurting someone? revenge?

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  • You answered your own question. People always want to make me feel about myself too.

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  • yes. that's right

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  • They are just jealous.

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What Girls Said 11

  • "They're insecure and want to bring you down to make you feel better"

    Did you mean "they're insecure and want to bring you down to make you feel bad?" Because isn't that what your question states?

    A lot of it is jealously. They get joy seeing you suffer and being dragged in the mud for it. Pretty sadist once you think about it

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  • It makes them feel better about themselves, I believe that's the OVERALL reason, while there may be thousands of sub-reasons inside of it. It's their main goal. They feel superior in some way, maybe in looks, intelligence, wealth, anything.

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  • I can think of 4 reasons:

    1- They're jealous of you
    2- They feel bad with themselves, so they need to find a way of making themselves feel better
    3- They're crazy
    4- They hate you

    I had people doing the same to me for all of those 4 reasons.

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  • Pretty much, yeah. I'll add a #3. Some people believe in being real/blunt/brutally honest. Even if some can't take the truth for themselves, they will do it to others. You'll see that all over Gag. You'll see someone writing something clearly coming from a place of insecurity, and posters rubbing salt on the wounds as if they are doing the person a favor.

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    • I completely agree with this: I notice 'brutally honest,' people usually can't take shit when it comes to other people telling them like it is

  • maybe because they have no life and prefer to mess up with others life

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  • They are just dense

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  • Because they're a jerk... But mostly because they're insecure.

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  • Jealousy
    A feel good factor

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  • So, is this why I have been severely bullied from a young age?

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  • Because they're a dick... end of story

    But on a serious note I agree with what you said

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  • They're insecure people who only feel good when bad things happen to others

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    • Yeah. I don't know how another human being can enjoy bad things happening to others.

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