Real men can't be at home usually. What do you think?

Our society thinks that "real men can't be at home, they need some job outside the home"... I hate that fucking society pressure.

I'm a software developer and I do this job alone from the home for the last 6 years. I'm not a rich but I make enough money for a living and I also love my job, but people in our society still think that as if I don't have a job and I'm lying in bed and at home all fuckind day.

Here's an example, my parents visited one of our old neighbors yesterday, they had 3 kids and their father talked behind me and said ( and laughed) "is your son still at home hahaha" to my father. That pissed me off.

Our society can't accept these kind of things in our country, sometimes even my parents do that and still say "why are you always still at home?", by the way I got really nothing to do outside the home except hanging out with 2-3 male friends sometimes, and I also have social anxiety disorder (not that severe anymore but still), and they know that.

Do I really have to go out every fucking day to be a real man?

What do you think? Are there a lot of people who think this way about being at home in your country?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Society is stupid. Everything in society for males revolves around "being a man" or "manning up" which doesn't make sense because you're a man regardless since you have a Y chromosome. Screw society, staying at home whether you are working or simply sitting there has no effect on masculinity.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • https://cdn.meme.am/instances/61171033.jpg

    It's an old way of thinking because jobs, years ago, were outside the home.
    The only reason it's still useful is because people are sociable creatures and being outside the home is the best for that.
    But if you can make all the money you need from home, then fuck that noise.

    I do software too (php web design, JAVA, Visual C#) and I would like to work from home too.
    Also, how did you achieve that?

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    • You are right, thanks for your good reply. But almost everyone around me talks like I don't have a real job when I am much more hard worker than them, maybe I worked 10x more than them at the time. I've been doing internet marketing, creating my tools, software, games (still newbie to the games), and trying to sell them online for 6 years. I'm 23 years old, and I graduated from computer related highschool in 2010. But I didn't learn anything from that school. I always wanted to develop software or games since I was a kid.

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    • And what does UE4 use as a programming language? And you can develop android/ios/ps4 games with it right?

    • It uses (Visual) C++ as a language and you can develop for all mobile devices, though it can be a little processor heavy. They are working on that.

What Girls Said 10

  • Tbh, still living with yr parents in yr late twenties is pretty weird, yeah.

    When our kids are adults, hell no they're not living with us anymore... unless they pay something close to a fair rent. My husband and I both see our job, as parents, as "We should make ourselves obsolete, by the time the kid's grown up."
    Do you pay yr parents rent? And/or do you at least shoulder *most* of the share of housework and upkeep, as a measure of thanks for NOT having to pay rent?
    If not, then in my opinion yr parents are babying you too much.

    Self-sufficiency is a good thing.
    Struggling financially for a while is also a good thing.
    I know a few people who lived with their parents until all of their student loans, etc. were paid off -- and their parents supported them all through their twenties -- and, frankly, most of them are insufferable spoiled brats, because they've never struggled to make ends meet. Humility comes from adversity.

    Unless there's a VERY good and VERY exigent reason for you to still live with yr parents -- for instance, yr father is terminally ill, and you take care of him for 6-8 hours a day -- then, sorry, but you need to move out and make it on yr own. If I were a single woman yr age, I wouldn't respect, or date, a guy who still lived with his parents (unless there were a good reason).

    __

    If you are talking about not WORKING outside the home... fuck that. My husband works part-time 100% from home, and he's the primary caretaker for our children, and he deserves the title "man" more than anyone else in the whole world, maybe tied with my father.

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    • I'm still 23, and I never planned to be at home for all my future and life. But they are talking like I am 35 years old. They are more anxious about my future than me. And yes this year I paid the rent and I paid for lots of food, stuff etc. to support home.

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    • @Giacomanzo Right. As I wrote -- If one of our adult children HAS to stay with us (because she/he simply cannot afford to move out), then, that's not a problem at all.

      But, we would still expect them to WANT to move out as soon as reasonably possible.
      And let's just say my husband and I would expect to be doing just about zero housework, under those circumstances. (:
      (Our two older children already do most of the mundane tasks around here -- dishes, laundry except for "nice" clothes, sweeping, etc. -- and they are 8 and 13 years old. Soooo... if we had an *adult* around here? Yeahhh lol)

    • Yes, on that I can totally relate to. I can't honestly wait to move away.

  • not true! But you need to grow up. Don't take what they say personal. My mother usually say I am pathetic since I never worked since I was dealing with depressed and currently looking for a job. Just take what they say with a grain of salt. I kinda of just ignore my mother.

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  • By "home" do you mean your parents home, or that you work from (your own) home? Nothing wrong with working from home but If you're in your late 20's, make a good living and still live in your parents home, there is something wrong. As for labeling it "real man" I don't know, I'd say you are not a grown man until you have your own place to live.

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    • I'm still 23, and I never planned to be at home for all my future and life. But they are talking like I am 35 years old. They are more anxious about my future than me.

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    • But why do you live with them still if you are 23 and make a good living?

    • I'm still saving some money, to be able to buy a car and home.

  • Why don't you just ignore this whole "real man" bullshit, it's just society's way of controlling your behavior.

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  • there's nothing at home but food , tv and a bed so what is there to do as a man by staying home. You get nothing done so therefore a real man goes out and strive for what he wants in life by doing something productive.

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    • I guess you didn't read my fucking post and content. We are the ones who created your smart phone apps or games, websites, computer games, and computer programs. That's what real strive is.

    • "We" do me a favor and disregard the "We" from your vocabulary and speak for yourself because you weren't one of the individuals who created the smart phones etc. You barely go out so how would you know what any of those are anyway?

    • Because you talked like I never did something any productive in my life, I'm pretty sure I'm 10x more productive than 90% of people who go out regularly.

  • Bullsht

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  • Who says so? You don't have to live up to society's standards. I'm not. Do what makes you feel good about yourself. Many others may even hate you just because you can make this happen and it works for you. I had a friend who thinks that a weekend should be 3 days instead of 2 and he had his job scheduled that way, he is a software engineer, and he is happy. Do what makes you feel happy.

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  • No. You're a real man with a real job! So they can just focus on themselves. I bet you anything these people are jealous. You know why? because they dont get to work from home

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  • Depends on what being at home means. Obv in your case it's ok.

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  • Um no. My boyfriend is planning on being a stay at home dad while I work since I make a lot more. Doesn't mean he's not a real man

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    • So he will not work but you'll work only? What's your job

What Guys Said 13

  • Personally I think that for men and women both, going out somewhere for a job has been detrimental to society. I sometimes say "A woman's place is in the home... and so is a man's." It doesn't have to literally be in the home, but nearby. For example an agrarian society where the men, women, and children all pitched in to get the work done. The modern idea of going someplace else for a job separates the family.

    To be honest, I've never really heard people talk down on people who work at home. Working at home actually takes more discipline. You have to be more disciplined to get to work. You also have to be more disciplined to stop working. When I worked at home it was common to take more breaks than I should. But it was also common for me to hop on the computer at midnight to take care of something, even if I'd already put in 12 hours that day. It was like I never really got off work.

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  • A man's home is his castle... You usually find a king in his castle...

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  • I assume they mean that you are still living at home with your parents, not the fact that you don't leave the house during your line of work. Most people would love to be able to work from home but being in your late twenty's and still living with your parents is fairly lame.

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    • I'm still 23, and I never planned to be at home for all my future and life. But they are talking like I am 35 years old. They are more anxious about my future than me.

  • First of all: good for you.

    Second of all: fuck society.

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  • Nonsense, I'm in the process of starting my own business, plus I'm a writer (currently just as a hobby, but. . . ,). Both of which allow me to work at home.

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  • Well remember telecommuting is still relatively new so it will just take time for the world to catch-up. Remote and offsite working is just not socially popular and accepted even if it is in the business world.

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    • You are right. And I'm living in a muslim country, some people even think that my job is a sin just because they thought it was easy to make money from home. Those bigots. Maybe they are just jealous, I'm not sure.

  • It's no so much a man being at home, its more to do with the fact of not having a socual life. Now you have social anxiety and that still is a rare thing, so it seems odd to everyone else for an adult to be sitting at home alone most of the time (regardless of work). Your parents want you to get out there, meet people and start a family (like most normal parents).

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    • Yes but I'm still 23, and I never planned to be at home for all my future and life.

    • Like i said it's not the living at home part, its the fact that at 23 you 'sometimes' hang out with only 2/3 male friends. By that age many people are in long term relationships, have careers and some are even starting families. What im trying to explain to you is that it's societal pressure because that is how *most* of society functions. Sitting there hating it NEVER helped anyone.

  • I never heard of that saying , still , would be kinda boring to stay locked inside all day ain't it?
    Why not carry your laptop with you and programme in some nice cafe or a coffeshop or maybe an underground indie lounge , sure beats seeing the same walls day in day out.

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    • It doesn't matter where I am when I work, because all I need to do is focus on the computer and then I forget everything about this life at that moment because I'm focused.

  • I think quit worrying about what everybody else thinks. Be your own man, create your own reality.

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  • a job is a job. but then if you live in an arab country, it's pretty obvious that it doesn't think that way.

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  • They aren't talking about you working out of your home, heck I often do that, they're talking about you living with your parents. Meaning that you haven't left home/moved out.

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    • Their kids didn't move out too, they are going to college with their dad's money. I didn't even get/want a single dollar from my father in my life.

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    • So you think it's very weird to still live with your parents when you are 23?

    • Not so much in today's world. But if you do "make a decent living" the question begs, why would you?

  • My son is at home and he is in his late 20s. He also make great money for his age and will likely buy his first house with cash. We have a couple of houses and he will likely take over the one he is in now as far as bills etc. He probably saves $18,000 a year doing this vs getting an apartment. Overall, he saves about $50k a year I guess and still does what he wants with his other money.

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    • He lives at home, works at an office.

  • I don't usually care what others think. Not important.

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    • Normally I don't care too, and this is why I am still able to do this job for 6 years. But when everyone around you is negative about you, it somehow affects you.

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