Anyone have a parent that's passed on?

i'm now part of the club...

what's it like on this side? do you break down out of nowhere over the years? what do i do w/ all my mom's stuff? should i leave things as is in her apt? is it coo to throw stuff out? garage sale? i dunnnnnnnnno fuck... she has so many clothes.

i'm not looking fwd to calling the mortuary in an hour. arranging all that stuff doesn't seem fun, neither is notifying her friends.

=(


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I'm so sorry orphan <3 Let yourself be the person you are and grieve in your own way. There is no right way. Find people like you who know this pain and stick to the people who want to be there for you. They will help you feel normal again. I lost my mother about a year and a half ago. When you don't know what to do, it helps to think of what she would've wanted. Do you have any friends or cousins who can help you make those uncomfortable phone calls? My dad and my cousin did that for me. My uncle arranged the funeral. My family friends arranged some other events for the loss. You don't have to do anything with her apartment yet if you don't want to. I think right now you just need to work on the send off and letting your friends/family know and grieving. The rest will come after. Please take care of yourself.

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    • "Do you have any friends or cousins who can help you make those uncomfortable phone calls?"
      That was one of the worst things for me. Every time I told someone, saying it out loud made it real.

    • @NearlyNapping I'm sorry that mustve been so hard <3. It would've been for me too, I was lucky I didn't have to explain then. For my dad, doing it helped him because he saw phone calls as something objective and objective things calm him.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I've lost both parents. My dad died 11 years ago and my mom died 13 years ago.

    "what's it like on this side?"
    Same as it was before. Life goes on. You will always miss them, but it fades over time and you think about them less often. Just remember that it's something that almost everyone throughout history has gone through. It's part of being human, and we all manage. You can handle it just like all the generations before have handled it.

    "do you break down out of nowhere over the years?"
    Personally I broke down a lot before my dad died. Dealing with what he went through before dying was a lot harder than dealing with it after he died. Everyone is different and handles it in their own way. You as a person, and your relationship with them is different. It was very different with my mother than with my father. One thing I remember was waking up a lot. It usually happened when I was first dropping off to sleep. I'd think of my dad or maybe mom and immediately jerk awake.

    "what do i do w/ all my mom's stuff? should i leave things as is in her apt? is it coo to throw stuff out? garage sale?"

    This is also up to you. Other family members will have a say also. If there are disagreements with family, you need to give each other a LOT of space and try to have patience with whatever way they are dealing with it.

    Some people go through the stuff and clear it out right after the funeral. Others hang onto it for years. I think it's a good idea to at least start to clear things out fairly soon. Having a garage sale or selling on ebay is fine. There will be some of their possessions that have more meaning to you than others. There will be a shirt or chair that is "them". There might be a feeling that getting rid of something is throwing away a piece of them, and you want to hang onto it. That's fine and normal. That emotional attachment to their possessions will fade over the years, with some things taking longer than others.

    Just think about your own possessions. If you die, do you really care what happens to your stuff?

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    • this was quite helpful.. thank you.

      no other family. i'm an only child, just like my mother. she single parented me from the beginning.

      thanks again... insightful.

What Girls Said 10

  • Yeah I lost my mom when I was about 12😔.. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.. I kept her diaries.. and donated many of her clothes but kept some.. and her jewelry.. her mug... a pair of her shoes.. she's in my heart and I miss her every day.. every single day something reminds me of her.. 😞😞

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    • damn, this was so sad

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    • soweee... i won't stalk you anymore =X

    • 😂😂 you're good at it.. 😉

  • Oh fuck I am sryyy :(
    Keep rhe stuff you feel worthy and that reminds you of her and donate the rest.
    It all depends in you and on what you are attached most.
    I think it s better to break down now Nd let it all loose.
    Do you have any close relative or friend nearby?

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  • I haven't, but I am sorry to hear you're going through this. Do whatever you feel is best with her items. Donate them to Goodwill or other such places, sell them, toss things that don't seem to be in good condition, etc...

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  • I haven't lost a parent... but when my grandmother passed away, my mom and her siblings divided things amongst each other. They also sold the house. My mom's clothes was divided between her and her sisters.

    I'm sorry for your loss by the way.

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  • I'm so sorry :( my godmother passed away month a go, and I'm still breaking down out of no where. Dream of her and my brain is still in denial, her stuff you can donate for charity. Don't throw them away, garage sale can be a headache. With charity other people can use it and you'll feel good about it afterwards.

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  • I'm really sorry for your loss @orphan. Stay strong.

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  • No ):

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  • Im quite yound when my dad passed on. My mom threw out everything that belongs to him and many things that has him in it especially pictures. (She tore and threw those memories away) I wasn't happy with that because I knew somewhere he still would want me to remember him so I took his watch and notebook in secret. Hiding them in my cupboard. The watch doesn't work anymore but they are mine to keep.
    And I haven't cried over him for a long time

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    • rip.

      do you evervout the watch on and admire to yourself

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What Guys Said 11

  • My condolences. Do you have an older relative who can help you with the immediate decisions which must be made, notifying family and friends, etc?

    One bit of advice: do not make any decisions now except those which absolutely must be made. Leave all other decisions for later.

    I am an attorney. Feel free to message me if you have questions or need other advice.

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    • her close friend is meeting me at the funeral home in a few hours. my mom informed me she would help w/ all the arrangements. per attorney's advice i won't be making any decisions today. that's fun to say!

      i appreciate it i really do.

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    • No personal attorney. I will definitely be in touch as I already have a few concerns.

    • Message me whenever you need.

  • Sorry to for your lost. I lost my Mon when I was 11. The first couple of months are hard it gets abit easier but not by much. You have to make sure you don't let it consume you. Her stuff? You can store stuff away for a while but keep a few items to remember her. Don't go insane a keep "the left slipper that your mom used to hit bugs with" there is a line.

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  • I've lost many: my father when I only 11, grandfather was murdered at a younger age, and uncle to terminal cancer in my early 20's.

    What I did was just went with the flow.

    I remember after going to the gym one day, something didn't feel right. Got into my car and sobbed my ass off after my uncle had passed.

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  • Sorry to hear about that. My father left us around 12 or 13 years ago, I don't even remember the exact time anymore. I'd advice you to take just a few memento's and let the rest go it's way. Best wishes.

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  • It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in making all the funeral plans when my son was killed. And yes there will be times that all seems fine and from no where it will hit you. I personally don't find fault in a man crying when he needs to because over the years I assure you I have done my share. I don't clams to still have all of his belongings any more as some were given to his friends , like maybe things they had a mutual interest in kind of things

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  • My mom died when i was 16 leaving me with my horrible father. Q_Q mama i still love you doe id punch anyone who talks bad about you. You will always be my Black Queen Q_Q

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hARz7Ymilqo

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    • Wow. Now that's rough. I'm sorry my man.

    • I think that helped shape me into a better man. :3 i dont pray to god i pray to mama to watch over me when i need to hold my fists back when shit gets tough because i know she is always trying to protect me <3

    • I like that idea. I might follow suit. Thanks.

  • Yeah my mom passed on 10 years ago but my stepfather took on most of that job but as far as emotions go I was very upset and still have when I feel like crying

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    • i know this might be a silly question. but do consciously think about her everyday? or only when reminded?

    • Back then everyday but now only when reminded

  • Doesn't bug me anymore.

    Also there's no one answer to any of those questions. Just do what's best for you and the family overall.

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  • No. And I'm deathly afraid of that happening.

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  • nope, but i am never having kids or keeping in contact with my family after a few years because i wanna live my life and not have anyone else feel any pain whatsoever when i die

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  • No they are ok
    but i will not be upset if they do cause we all gone die one die
    Dont Fear Dying, Fear Not Living

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