i'm now part of the club...
what's it like on this side? do you break down out of nowhere over the years? what do i do w/ all my mom's stuff? should i leave things as is in her apt? is it coo to throw stuff out? garage sale? i dunnnnnnnnno fuck... she has so many clothes.
i'm not looking fwd to calling the mortuary in an hour. arranging all that stuff doesn't seem fun, neither is notifying her friends.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm so sorry orphan <3 Let yourself be the person you are and grieve in your own way. There is no right way. Find people like you who know this pain and stick to the people who want to be there for you. They will help you feel normal again. I lost my mother about a year and a half ago. When you don't know what to do, it helps to think of what she would've wanted. Do you have any friends or cousins who can help you make those uncomfortable phone calls? My dad and my cousin did that for me. My uncle arranged the funeral. My family friends arranged some other events for the loss. You don't have to do anything with her apartment yet if you don't want to. I think right now you just need to work on the send off and letting your friends/family know and grieving. The rest will come after. Please take care of yourself.2
Most Helpful Guy
I've lost both parents. My dad died 11 years ago and my mom died 13 years ago.
"what's it like on this side?"
Same as it was before. Life goes on. You will always miss them, but it fades over time and you think about them less often. Just remember that it's something that almost everyone throughout history has gone through. It's part of being human, and we all manage. You can handle it just like all the generations before have handled it.
"do you break down out of nowhere over the years?"
Personally I broke down a lot before my dad died. Dealing with what he went through before dying was a lot harder than dealing with it after he died. Everyone is different and handles it in their own way. You as a person, and your relationship with them is different. It was very different with my mother than with my father. One thing I remember was waking up a lot. It usually happened when I was first dropping off to sleep. I'd think of my dad or maybe mom and immediately jerk awake.
"what do i do w/ all my mom's stuff? should i leave things as is in her apt? is it coo to throw stuff out? garage sale?"
This is also up to you. Other family members will have a say also. If there are disagreements with family, you need to give each other a LOT of space and try to have patience with whatever way they are dealing with it.
Some people go through the stuff and clear it out right after the funeral. Others hang onto it for years. I think it's a good idea to at least start to clear things out fairly soon. Having a garage sale or selling on ebay is fine. There will be some of their possessions that have more meaning to you than others. There will be a shirt or chair that is "them". There might be a feeling that getting rid of something is throwing away a piece of them, and you want to hang onto it. That's fine and normal. That emotional attachment to their possessions will fade over the years, with some things taking longer than others.
Just think about your own possessions. If you die, do you really care what happens to your stuff?2