I don't like complaining because usually, I find that life is easy for me. However lately I've constantly been feeling like I'm not good enough, like I'm a failure. It doesn't help that I'm always reminded of the things I haven't succeeded at and how far I am behind other people. For example, my best friend has everything going for her right now. She has a degree and a stable job , she's in a long term relationship and is getting married this fall.
I know life is a journey, not a race, but I just find it so frustrating. I desperately need a job if I'm to pay for college - and the way things are looking now, I might not be able to go until next year. I've never had a real boyfriend before. I feel like all I do is try, but get nowhere. Why should I even try?
If anyone can offer some advice as to how to stop feeling this way, please let me know. At this point, I honestly just want to stop trying.
Most Helpful Guy
Alright, forgive my rambling...
First off, never compare yourself to other people. Mark Zuckerberg became a billionaire by age 23. Most people would feel like failures if they compared themselves to Mark Zuckerberg. We were all put in different positions in life and were given different strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, luck is applied differently to us all. I feel like being a failure is not about global goals, but rather individual goals. It's how hard we are working with our abilities and situation given to us, not with how we are doing by societal standards. With our different strengths and weaknesses, we also have potential to do things people like Zuckerberg never could. We need to work on bringing out our potential, not looking at our current issues.
I know that you have been applying hard for jobs and that you have anxiety hurting you too. in my opinion, the fact you are reaching to make changes in your life and trying to keep moving forward makes you a success, not a failure.
Failing is when you give up hope and "stop trying." When you stop trying, you eliminate all the possibilities open to you. It's like trying to catch up to someone faster in a race, and instead of even trying, you just stop and go "meh, whatever." It's hard. I know. Motivation is not an easy thing to come by. It takes effort, and effort is generally not a pleasant thing. However, it is necessary.
The unfortunate thing about problems like this is that there is no concrete solution. It's all mental. You have to believe you are doing fine, which is a hard thing to do. You have to look at yourself and push yourself. Put blinders on and ignore what person A and person B is doing. It will only hurt you.
If you see they are behind you by societal standards, that will make think "ok I can slow down and be more lazy." Bad. If you see they are ahead of you, that will make you think "I feel inadequate." You be you. You do you.
On a side note, lemme argue against that whole point with the "I've never had a real boyfriend before" statement. Everyone gets SOs at different times. There is no time frame theoretically on finding love... and if there is, you are certainly far from it. Don't worry about that. I'm in the same boat-- I've never had a real girlfriend and I'm 20 lol. Am I failure? Well, some may say so, but I don't think so.
I still have hope in the future things WILL get better. Working hard today may not cause a better today, but it may very well cause a better tomorrow instead.2
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Most Helpful Girl
Okay well first off, I dont know if you've seen this one tumblr pic but it goes along the lines of "Being in your 20s is weird. I know a 20 year old girl who works for the government and knows top-secret info about them, but I also know a guy whos 20 with his name as 'Kush' on facebook."
I'm gonna let you think on that first, but here's what I do when I feel inadequate. I begin doing the things I enjoy, trying to improve whatever subject I feel not good enough am. If I feel as if I am the ugliest one in my friend group, I will dress up in a dress, heels, do my hair nicely etc. But I'll do it at home. I don't have the best self esteem but sometimes when I do this I'm just like DAYUMMMM. That was just an example though.
But, I try to busy myself, but not using busy-work. I write, I color, I watch 29384768 movies, I listen to music and sing along loudly, I bake. I do a many number of things just because I enjoy it and suddenly, I don't feel as if I'm such a piece of shit anymore. I just made some bomb ass brownies! or I just watched the 5th Harry Potter movie for the 20th time! or I just wrote a bomb ass short story for extra credit in English class.
There isn't exactly much advice I can give you as I don't know you too well, and different things help different people, but just do what you can.
You're going life at your own pace, so pay attention to yourself. Maybe go on a little shopping spree if you can, or draw something you like that takes you 3 months. There's an infinite amount of things for you to do to help you feel better.
I hope this helped at all.2