How to deal when you feel inadequate?

I don't like complaining because usually, I find that life is easy for me. However lately I've constantly been feeling like I'm not good enough, like I'm a failure. It doesn't help that I'm always reminded of the things I haven't succeeded at and how far I am behind other people. For example, my best friend has everything going for her right now. She has a degree and a stable job , she's in a long term relationship and is getting married this fall.

I know life is a journey, not a race, but I just find it so frustrating. I desperately need a job if I'm to pay for college - and the way things are looking now, I might not be able to go until next year. I've never had a real boyfriend before. I feel like all I do is try, but get nowhere. Why should I even try?

If anyone can offer some advice as to how to stop feeling this way, please let me know. At this point, I honestly just want to stop trying.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Alright, forgive my rambling...

    First off, never compare yourself to other people. Mark Zuckerberg became a billionaire by age 23. Most people would feel like failures if they compared themselves to Mark Zuckerberg. We were all put in different positions in life and were given different strengths and weaknesses. Likewise, luck is applied differently to us all. I feel like being a failure is not about global goals, but rather individual goals. It's how hard we are working with our abilities and situation given to us, not with how we are doing by societal standards. With our different strengths and weaknesses, we also have potential to do things people like Zuckerberg never could. We need to work on bringing out our potential, not looking at our current issues.

    I know that you have been applying hard for jobs and that you have anxiety hurting you too. in my opinion, the fact you are reaching to make changes in your life and trying to keep moving forward makes you a success, not a failure.

    Failing is when you give up hope and "stop trying." When you stop trying, you eliminate all the possibilities open to you. It's like trying to catch up to someone faster in a race, and instead of even trying, you just stop and go "meh, whatever." It's hard. I know. Motivation is not an easy thing to come by. It takes effort, and effort is generally not a pleasant thing. However, it is necessary.

    The unfortunate thing about problems like this is that there is no concrete solution. It's all mental. You have to believe you are doing fine, which is a hard thing to do. You have to look at yourself and push yourself. Put blinders on and ignore what person A and person B is doing. It will only hurt you.
    If you see they are behind you by societal standards, that will make think "ok I can slow down and be more lazy." Bad. If you see they are ahead of you, that will make you think "I feel inadequate." You be you. You do you.

    On a side note, lemme argue against that whole point with the "I've never had a real boyfriend before" statement. Everyone gets SOs at different times. There is no time frame theoretically on finding love... and if there is, you are certainly far from it. Don't worry about that. I'm in the same boat-- I've never had a real girlfriend and I'm 20 lol. Am I failure? Well, some may say so, but I don't think so.

    I still have hope in the future things WILL get better. Working hard today may not cause a better today, but it may very well cause a better tomorrow instead.

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    • I feel pretty embarrassed now. I've just been so fed up about everything lately and didn't know what else to do :(

      But thanks for your advice. It's kind of hard to stop comparing yourself though. It feels like everyone is succeeding in life and im just sitting here like
      ghk.h-cdn.co/.../54ffe5266025c-dog1.jpg

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    • Thank you :) I feel much better.

    • No problem. If you are having any other issues you need help with or additional help with this, my inbox/comment box is always open. While I may not answer various questions and things all day, I often check back on and lurk around haha. I answer comments and PMs relatively quickly

Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay well first off, I dont know if you've seen this one tumblr pic but it goes along the lines of "Being in your 20s is weird. I know a 20 year old girl who works for the government and knows top-secret info about them, but I also know a guy whos 20 with his name as 'Kush' on facebook."

    I'm gonna let you think on that first, but here's what I do when I feel inadequate. I begin doing the things I enjoy, trying to improve whatever subject I feel not good enough am. If I feel as if I am the ugliest one in my friend group, I will dress up in a dress, heels, do my hair nicely etc. But I'll do it at home. I don't have the best self esteem but sometimes when I do this I'm just like DAYUMMMM. That was just an example though.

    But, I try to busy myself, but not using busy-work. I write, I color, I watch 29384768 movies, I listen to music and sing along loudly, I bake. I do a many number of things just because I enjoy it and suddenly, I don't feel as if I'm such a piece of shit anymore. I just made some bomb ass brownies! or I just watched the 5th Harry Potter movie for the 20th time! or I just wrote a bomb ass short story for extra credit in English class.

    There isn't exactly much advice I can give you as I don't know you too well, and different things help different people, but just do what you can.

    You're going life at your own pace, so pay attention to yourself. Maybe go on a little shopping spree if you can, or draw something you like that takes you 3 months. There's an infinite amount of things for you to do to help you feel better.

    I hope this helped at all.

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What Guys Said 8

  • You sound very much like me at times, part of this is being an introvert, having perfectionism, generally this is seems like a self esteem issue and in fact may affect one's self esteem but this seems similar to imposter syndrome. This does include feelings of inadequacy.
    This article may help open your mind to more study. startupbros.com/.../

    Here's a Wiki on it too with links to similar issues.
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impostor_syndrome

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    • I have this for you too. getesteem.com/lse-symptoms/symptom-details.html

      If you get the book and workbook, you can overcome these issues in your life and really strat to enjoy yourself more and feel more confident about being you. :)

    • Thank you :)

    • You are welcome, if you need help or encouragement just reply here or inbox me, I'll be happy to help you any way I can and at the very least if you don't want help you can have unconditional acceptance and support while you recover your true self. :)

  • Start by having a change in perspective.
    What does it matter where your friends are in life at this time in respect to you?
    Their success or failures have no effect on your position in life. And their success won't stop you from getting where you want to in life. Is getting what you want in life what's important to you or keeping up with your friends?

    If there's an area in your life you don't like, then find out what the next step is to improving your situation and take it. It's ok not being where you want in life, when you're moving forward. But sitting around feeling sorry for yourself does nothing.

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  • look at your friends success as your own, look at who you associate with, that will tell you whether you're on the right track, and truth be told, there is no magical solution, the only thing I can tell you to do is to make sure that you put 110% effort into all those things that you wanna succeed at so that later in life you can never regret that you didn't go after what you wanted as aggressively as you should have, doubts are natural, your feelings are normal, but every day that you grind and do what you can to get what you want is another step closer, whether it feels like it or not, because the more you persevere, the more it becomes ingrained in you to keep pushing on in the most adverse of situations and that trait in itself is proof of success. Bottom line is: Be someone who has character that makes you proud and you will be successful, no matter what. And when it comes to guys, you're young, pretty, and determined, you'll be fine.

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  • Finding a job is a full time job. When I look for a job it doesn't take me more than three weeks tops to land one. You're 18 so I'm assuming you graduated recently, or just about to so perhaps it'll be best to take a year off and take a break from school, treat yourself to clothes, trips, etc whatever it is and relax. If you're feeling inadequate you should collect yourself before.. "spending" yourself on college.

    CoeurRose may I ask what your passion is?

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    • My passion is and always has been for dancing.

    • Find a career in dancing. How awesome would it be to have dancing as your career and also go to college? I'm a full-time athlete I train 11 hours a day which sounds unbelivable but guess what? My job is a bycycle courier and I get paid roughly $18 ~ $22 an hour because I cycle really fast and vigourosly which ends up contributing to my athletic goal (I work 8rs a day) and I also go to a university track club and I sprint for 2 ~ 3hrs a day when I'm off work. I don't feel inadequate although I use to, just like what you're feeling now until I found how to put work and my passion into one whole motion so they work out together.

      Looking for work is a full-time job if you want it bad enough you'll get it but you gotta give it 100%.

      Best of luck to you, Rose (:

    • Thank you :)

  • I just try to remember that if I keep working hard and always do my best eventually things will get better

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  • Your friend has worked her ass off for a degree and a job.

    First thing you should do to "deal with it" is not compare yourself to others. You need a job, you've never had a boyfriend.. well which do you find more important at this time?
    Second, make up your mind about what you want.
    Third, go jogging and drink some green tea
    Fourth, if you try and seemingly get nowhere, it means you didn't try hard enough.

    Essentially, you need to learn the ins and outs of independence. Frankly, you will make no progress if you spend your energy on feeling sorry for yourself :(

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    • I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself. I just need some help :/

    • Good, then set your goals and look for ways of achieving them. Have patience, you are only 18.

  • I take off my shirt.. look in the mirror. Flex.. then I realize that I look better then 90% of the male population and feel better about myself.

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  • Do you have friends?

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    • Not many to be honest. My anxiety makes it hard to make friends.

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    • I have an anxiety disorder. Talking to new people gives me anxiety.

      And I'm introverted.

    • Oh ok
      See I think you should find a friend who can always talk to you specially when you need him/her
      Someone who respects you but is honest at the same time
      Cause you're not outgoing then texting friend would be good. He/She should be positive and funny too 💁

What Girls Said 4

  • We all go through these phases in our lives. It's very easy to get caught up in comparing ourselves to other people. You just have to remember that wherever you are in life at this moment, it's where you're supposed to be. The key is to keep pushing forward. One foot in front of the other. Keep your head up.

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  • Yo be honest at 45 years I feel the same I feelimnot good enough for people. I also never had a ral relationship before I haven't not even experience what is dating or seeing a guy. I m a friendl easy going lady I got along well with coworkers family but then again I can't eve score a man to be interested in me and Im not getting any younger.

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  • i eat food and b sad.

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  • have faith in god.

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