Is he SELF HATING?

So my boyfriend is black African and he sometimes talks to me and (supposedly jokes) and says "Oh is it because i'm black?" He sees it as joking but I see it as self hate. Due to this way of thinking being passed down through generations through ancestors. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's got a sense of humour. Maybe you should too?

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    • It's like someone saying "Oh is it because they're white" thats not funny

    • I often joke like "Oh is it because I'm in a wheelchair?" It's a joke, get a grip.

Most Helpful Girl

  • For some self-assured people it's 100% a joke, for some, yes it's something deeper that maybe they don't even recognize. My boyfriend is black and he'll joke about that occasionally but I know for sure for sure he doesn't mean it at all and he has literally no issue with who he is at all. If it makes you uncomfortable and it's not funny to you, just tell him you don't like those jokes.

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What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Girls Said 4

  • I don't see why this is self hate. I think he's just joking, it doesn't mean he hates himself for being black.

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  • No. Just very self conscious.

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  • Its just a joke guys in my class do it all the time

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  • I joke like that sometimes. It's a joke and nothing more. How do you see it as self hate?

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    • These are two completely different things. She's talking about "colorism" or "shadism" what she calls it. The guy in her story said he "should be light". So he's poking fun at insecurity. When someone asks "Is it because I'm black?" they're not saying they don't want to be black or they want to be something else, they're asking, "Are you discriminating against me because I'm black?" You know back in the day, we were discriminated against heavily. Is your your motive to exclude me based on my race? They poke fun at a situation reducing that "discrimination" to something petty or small and that's what makes it funny. It has nothing to do with how we see ourselves. It pokes fun at how other people treat us.

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