Finding a father's day solution for my partner and my ex?

My daughter's dad hasn't always been in her life. For a long time didn't want to know, and I didn't hear from him until the end of 2014, a week after she turned 2.

He was granted visitation last July and it's been a gradual thing. He gets six hours a week with her now, but it's on a Sunday.
Father's day for us has always been with my partner. He has been part of my daughter's life since she was four months old. There is nothing he hasn't been there for her for and she calls him dad. They adore each other.

This year, I am dreading bringing up Father's day. I want my partner to have that day. He deserves that day. He may not be her dad by DNA, but he is her dad in every other way.
I do not like my ex. I honestly cannot stand him, but Sundays are his days and he is trying, and I feel a bit cruel about bringing it up. I also have a strong feeling he wouldn't give that day up anyway, and I do think spite would be one of those reasons.

I was talking to my mother about it and she was just like "What's the worst that could happen if you didn't let him take her" but that's causing drama that could spoil the day for everyone.

I'm not really sure what the best thing to do is.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Hope your deadbeat ex is paying child support, in that case you don't have much of a leverage sadly.

    in my opinion simply move the Father's Day to Saturday, a day earlier. WHy spoil it, its not written on stone. Just let your ex known his daughter and her 'actual' father had their Father's Day yesterday on Saturday. You need to talk to your current partner as well.

    Only other way is to get temporary injunction that will change the day from Sunday, or he get extra time following Sundays. It is highly unlikely that it might happen, but you could talk to your lawyer if you are adament.

    Otherwise just change the Father's Day to Saturday, that way your deadbeat ex wouln't have a chance to spoil it.

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    • To be fair to him, he offered child support when he and I were going through mediation. I don't want money from him.

      I don't rate my chances of getting an injunction at this point.

      Thanks for this. We will make it a good weekend. It's just that having my ex around is such a hassle. But thank you :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • You can't do that to her biological dad. I understand your point but your daughter deserves the day with her biological dad

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    • Honestly, I think of it the other way around. I hate that her dad can do that to my partner.
      If it wasn't court ordered, and we asked who my daughter would rather have her day with, she wouldn't choose her dad. She wouldn't.
      Father's day is a day for the fathers who've earned it.

    • I totally understand that and I get that it's hard. But it was decided by court and treat it like any other days you can make Father's Day every day of the year with your partner and daughter.

What Guys Said 3

  • Usually times are negotiated in court along with holidays. So it's something you already agreed or was settled by a judge. It's only 6 hours. You still get the other 18 hours. You can work around it. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. And while I have full custody and no visitation now. I had to work around various holidays and her birthday.

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    • Back then, I didn't really " agree" to anything. I wasn't left with much of a choice.
      Just because it's there, it doesn't mean the world will come down over one day. A bit of give and take wouldn't hurt.

      It would just be nice to have a bit of understanding from him, that's all. It's one day.

      I'm sure with you, you made your own agreements between you at times, no?

    • Yes your right it is "one day". I know he hasn't been in the child life much but he is now. I think him only getting a fourth of the day isn't too harsh. The world won't come down with him having his 6 hours. You have all the other holidays 24 hours that don't fall on a Sunday and 6 days fully plus most of Sunday every week. I think you should let it go. Your winning.

  • Just have 2. You're too worried about impractical restrictions.

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  • If he has an agreed on 6 hours with her, than don't take that away on father's day.

    Your daughter has two dads. That's how it is. She should do things with both of them on or around that day to celebrate.

    When do the 6 hours usually happen?

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    • He has her from 10 am until 4.
      6:30 she has a bath, 7:30 she goes to bed.

      We usually have a day out on Father's day, and now with her being gone for most of the day, it's not really possible to do anything properly.

      I'm angry that my partner has had that taken away from him just because my ex wants to pick up and put down being a dad when it suits him.
      I just don't think he deserves that day this year.

    • Show All
    • It may be less confusing for her than you think. Kids have lots of people who love them. If they don't grow up thinking their should be one dad, they don't find it odd. My kids have three grandmothers (obviously one isn't blood). The younger ones don't really get the difference. They just take it as normal, they have three sets of grandparents, doesn't everyone?

    • 😊 I worry about her when it comes to him, that's all. I don't trust him

What Girls Said 0

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