How can I become more confident and charismatic and how can I get better with words?

I'm a coward, not charismatic and I don't really have a good way with words. I want to change that. I want to be like the real Raymond Reddington. Always confident, super charismatic, and really good with words. What can I do to improve these points?

I get frightened pretty easily. Even just thinking about scary situations kinda frightens me. And when I'm frightened, I never know what to say. I want to come up with a smartass comeback, but I'm just drawing a blank.

Any advice would be appreciated :)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I was once very shy aswell and it brought me into trouble. It takes time, effort and pushing your limits. What helped me was everytime I wanted to interact with strangers for example or just do something I was scared of doing I thought of the worst things that could happen and if they were reasonable, I had to do it. Later it went easier everytime I did something and right now I can just walk up to strangers and have a conversation. Also it does wonders for your confidence when you find out you can be interesting. Good luck.

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    • Bedankt voor het advies :3 maar ik weet niet eens what ik tegen een vreemde moet zeggen, dat maakt het eng voor me.

    • Meestal kun je beginnen met iets what je op dat moment gemeen hebben. Waar ben je? what doe je? Meestal begin je met een vraag. Zoals laatst was ik bij de Decentrale selectie van mijn volgende studie en was ik helemaal alleen. Ik ga gewoon bij een groepje mensen staan die me aardig lijken en vragen what ze ervan verwachten en hoe de examens gingen. Op die manier begin je het makkelijkst een gesprek.
      Om het in het begin makkelijker te maken zou ik eerst praten met de mensen waar je eigenlijk iets wil vragen of iets tegen wil zeggen maar niet durft. De vreemden komen later wel.

    • Het lijkt mij altijd zo eng als ik iemand wil aanspreken dat ik dan ineens met mijn bek vol tanden sta. Daarom spreek ik mensen liever niet aan. Dat bedoelde ik toen ik zei dat ik laf ben. Maar die tips die jij mij geeft zijn best goed. Ik zal morgen eens kijken of ik ze uit kan proberen ^-^

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm as opposite of a smooth talker as one can get and never will be one of those. Humor I can do, academic subjects I can do, but I can't charm people with words.

    I can do speeches in front of large audiences. Those come easy for me since I've prepared and there's spontaneity there except for the Q&A, which is also easy since it's specifically on a point in my presentation.

    I tried socializing a lot and it did make me better, but not good. Instead I learned other avenues to command a presence, to become popular among my friends without needing it.

    And for women, I tended to try bring them on dates to places where I could get more physical, playful, dominant, so that I wasn't trying to charm them so much with words.

    Any date I started over a coffee table or dinner table always ended up awkward, so I avoided starting those like the plague without the kind of physical icebreaker first.

    Anyway, you can improve it but it's hard to go from that to Raymond Reddington.

    Another thing I've found in terms of fear, if you're describing social anxiety, is that over the years I've embarrassed myself a lot. Each time I do it, it kind of makes it so the next time is easier. It's like, "Well, I've already embarrassed myself 500 times already, it's not so scary anymore." It's similar to developing a thick skin against rejections when you first start asking girls out. After enough rejections, it doesn't hurt your ego at all or even feel awkward at all.

    So best way to improve is just put yourself out there. Follow up on the invites to social events, practice, overcome that initial fear. Another thing is that you might have to make a conscious effort to pay attention to a person, what subjects they might like, etc. because your own fear might make you pay more attention to what you're feeling than the person you're talking to.

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What Girls Said 3

  • First of all you need to learn how to be comfortable and happy in your own skin. Learn about your fears and try to understand why do you have them and what's the possibility of the things that scares you happen. Moving from that, start talking more and more with people. Start in online chats if you will, it's a great start for you to learn what to say, how to react and all of that without the pressure of facing someone. But don't stop there, once you feel like you're more comfortable start interacting with real life people. Make small talks, keep in mind that you're only talking with other people there's nothing to be scared of! Good luck

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  • Through practicing. ie. Kind of forcing yourself to get out and socialize. You can start with tiny amounts of small-talk with cashiers or retail-employees, then build up from there as your confidence increases once you start to see that there is nothing to be scared of.

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  • Practice, on your mom or a cousin or dog or in the mirror/to yourself or to random strangers.. thats what i had to do. I practiced and i faked confidence until i began regaining it

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What Guys Said 6

  • Keep on trying man,
    Every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared.

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    • "Every man is scared in his first battle. If he says he's not, he's a liar. Some men are cowards but they fight the same as the brave men or they get the hell slammed out of them watching men fight who are just as scared as they are. The real hero is the man who fights even though he is scared."-George S. Patton

    • That's a pretty cool quote!

  • When I started working on my charisma and confidence I found role models from tv series. For me, People like Damon from "The Vampire Diaries, Sawyer from "LOST" and Hank Moody from "Californication" helped me. Then I just observed how they handled their situations: Smoothly, playfully and self amusing, not taking small matters too seriously etc and just started implementing them in to my own life. Of course, you don't want to come off as fake or weird (incongruent) but if you keep at it it'll manifest and just become effortless. Also as someone else has said: Put yourself out there, make yourself do the things you're afraid of or might be a little uncomfortable. In the end that'll help massively too.

    Good Luck

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  • Confidence is acquired through practice.

    Charisma is a personality trait that cannot be acquired.

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  • Get big and jacked son baha

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  • read, and get experience.

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  • " confident and charismatic"? That requires the mindset people get when born in a rich family.
    " get better with words "? Reading and studying can help.

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    • I don't agree with your reasoning. You don't have to be born rich to be confident and charismatic O_o

    • There are exceptions, of course.

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