I'm a coward, not charismatic and I don't really have a good way with words. I want to change that. I want to be like the real Raymond Reddington. Always confident, super charismatic, and really good with words. What can I do to improve these points?
I get frightened pretty easily. Even just thinking about scary situations kinda frightens me. And when I'm frightened, I never know what to say. I want to come up with a smartass comeback, but I'm just drawing a blank.
Any advice would be appreciated :)
Most Helpful Girl
I was once very shy aswell and it brought me into trouble. It takes time, effort and pushing your limits. What helped me was everytime I wanted to interact with strangers for example or just do something I was scared of doing I thought of the worst things that could happen and if they were reasonable, I had to do it. Later it went easier everytime I did something and right now I can just walk up to strangers and have a conversation. Also it does wonders for your confidence when you find out you can be interesting. Good luck.2
Most Helpful Guy
I'm as opposite of a smooth talker as one can get and never will be one of those. Humor I can do, academic subjects I can do, but I can't charm people with words.
I can do speeches in front of large audiences. Those come easy for me since I've prepared and there's spontaneity there except for the Q&A, which is also easy since it's specifically on a point in my presentation.
I tried socializing a lot and it did make me better, but not good. Instead I learned other avenues to command a presence, to become popular among my friends without needing it.
And for women, I tended to try bring them on dates to places where I could get more physical, playful, dominant, so that I wasn't trying to charm them so much with words.
Any date I started over a coffee table or dinner table always ended up awkward, so I avoided starting those like the plague without the kind of physical icebreaker first.
Anyway, you can improve it but it's hard to go from that to Raymond Reddington.
Another thing I've found in terms of fear, if you're describing social anxiety, is that over the years I've embarrassed myself a lot. Each time I do it, it kind of makes it so the next time is easier. It's like, "Well, I've already embarrassed myself 500 times already, it's not so scary anymore." It's similar to developing a thick skin against rejections when you first start asking girls out. After enough rejections, it doesn't hurt your ego at all or even feel awkward at all.
So best way to improve is just put yourself out there. Follow up on the invites to social events, practice, overcome that initial fear. Another thing is that you might have to make a conscious effort to pay attention to a person, what subjects they might like, etc. because your own fear might make you pay more attention to what you're feeling than the person you're talking to.1