I'm going to summarize this as short as I can.
I'm living in recurring depression (which lasted 9 years at once!) for more than 2 months now, got eventually used to it, combated it, repressed it, lived with it and keep living with it.
Specifically why I am sad is because I can't have a job. Last year I had several job offers of which I accepted one, which was also inevitably terminated this January. This year I kept looking and looking, spammed my resume in every and I mean in every place in my locals without success.
I'm not getting an answer from employers and I submitted my resume 200 times already. Yes, I have a counter for that.
I can't have a calm and standard life if I keep being unemployed because I live in poverty ever since. With poverty comes health issues, lack of medical treatment for my chronic sicknesses and general unhappiness and whatnot.
I'm hungry, my diet is very poor and one-sided, I have few clothes, I'm craving things I cannot get without money, rarely have deodorants, need some new stuff and gear and I live in a piece of shit apartment which doesn't even has an adequate structure and furnishing and was once infested with bed bugs!
To top it all of, I don't even live in my native country! I'm an international citizen living for 6 years in another country (not by choice!), so I am stranded here until a miracle happens. Obviously I cannot relocate because I have no money to do so + I have 1 year remaining to finish my college degree (which I can do easily as the professors said).
And I am still sitting here without a duty, applying and waiting hopelessly.
Countless of times I had thoughts of blasting myself in the head.
I do things, that are fun but I can't enjoy myself anymore over the fact, that I'm still unemployed.
I have nothing else to do.
Fair warning: Do not suggest religion! If I find a word like religion or god, I instantly dismiss the rest of the message.
Most Helpful Guy
What are you majoring in btw? If it's something relevant to STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathemetics) then you should be fine in finding available job openings in the future after you graduate.
Do you really want to just simply give up and end your own life? If you made it this far, quitting and dying is probably the last thing you would want. Just try to relax, there are a lot of things in this world we all don't have control over. Have you gotten any feedback regarding your resumes? What about Cover Letters? Did you send those too?
What kind of a job you hope or want to have? What is it that you really want to do and can find meaningful and fulfilling and not just to get by day after day only feel like you have no choice but to go through all the monotonous bullshit just in order to cover for all expenses and necessities just in order for you to survive?1
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