My parents have been married for about 27 years. They have their issues like most couples and split briefly when I was 8 years old. They never told me the reason behind it but I assumed it was them needing a break from one another. Now, I honestly had no business in my mothers computer but I knew her password and needed to check something online and saw emails from men on a dating site asking her perverted questions. I didn't see an exchange between them but one in particular she was flirting online with and I felt uncomfortable. I don't know what my father is doing but I know that he had been busted in the past by my mother. After 27 years of marriage is it really worth it? They're old enough, have two adult children and have decent careers. Why are they being foolish? I couldn't think but to feel annoyed that my parents would risk something like their marriage and meanwhile always tell their children to do certain things and didn't approve of every boyfriend I've dated. Well, maybe I'm in it too deep but if you were in my position. What would you do? There's a reason I saw that clear as day.
Most Helpful Guy
As a person of faith, I know that sometimes doing the 'right thing' can mean that people with wrong motives or hearts will take advantage of it- after all, the one that I follow was tortured and killed for it. Yet we are all messed up in various ways- sometimes different ways- and showing mercy to others, whether or not they appreciated it or show it back, can help us more than it even helps them, and is the only way to break cycles of hurt. Showing empathy can mean a lot.
I do not know your own beliefs, but were it me, I would begin by praying about it and seeking counsel as you have. "In a multitude of counsel there is wisdom" I would also keep a copy of some of these things first. Then, I would have a friend I trust greatly to be discreet- perhaps someone not connected to the family, but who shares my faith, a mentor or close friend, and let them know what I is going on, ask for their prayer, and then speak personally with my mother. I obviously know her, she is my mother- so I would confront them one on one, and ask them about it. I would come not to accuse, but to understand- you do not know everything going on. I would also come from a perspective of trying to encourage them to open up to your father, to make it right and apologise.
This might be hard- because clearly she has shown him harshness while doing the same thing now. This is a hard topic, because I faced something this reminds me of once- and I lost a young child over it. But I believe the right choice is to confront, and then if this person is strongly resistant to it, and is not willing to consider going to confess to your father, then you must re-approach her with one or two others.
Go into this situation with the right heart- a desire to heal, not destroy, and make decisions from that perspective. Many here will simply say 'go set things right'. Even having been wronged and hurt myself by someone doing something similar, and having lost so very, very much to them- I cannot say that would be right. If we do not forgive and show compassion, and love, how can we expect it ourselves?
You know your parents as well, you know their hearts. It sounds like you feel your mother has treated your father harshly, and is now guilty of the same thing she was hard on him for. She might feel justified in it, because he 'did it first'. This cycle will never end if it is is not broken- and hate, hurt, will not break it only make it worse. But she -is- wrong, two wrongs don't make a right.1
Most Helpful Girl
Couples married this Long and who Still Remain Strong, and with the Same Name... Still Have love for one Another as your Father and Mother. I know all about it, believe me.
I feel that it Is their own Business, But maybe if I was in your shoes here, dear, I would sit my own Mum down, and make no Bones about it, Approach and Broach this Sore Subject.
Let her Explain, even if it a Lie with any Guy and Try... To be There for Both of them, do Not take Sides, Just Stay Neutral.
I have found with my own Folks that Staying the Arbitrator I am Not... A Traitor.
Good luck. xx1