How to deal with angry guys after rejecting them?

I work at bar so I can't really avoid them. My boss wants to keep her customers around, I am not allowed to say something about it, I just have to keep my distance. There are certain customers who indirectly insult me on a daily basis. Some will even ''jokingly'' threaten me if I don't smile back. What's the best way of dealing with these kind of people? I can't quit my job yet.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess put on a fake smile while working at the restaurant. Don't let them interfere with your job. Out of curiosity how are you rejecting them? If you're being real polite about the whole thing, they're just complete losers. Sometimes when a girl is harsh/ nasty about the rejection it can draw a lot of unecessary attention. As a guy, when a women is nasty about the whole thing I find it to be very irritating and I know it sounds bad but I kind of despise her for it. It can accidentally be taken personally at times even if it's not meant to be and just is not good. Makes things very awkward if you have to see them again. If she's polite and reasonable about it I find her respectable and no hard feelings ensue.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're in a tight spot. That type of risk comes with the profession of having to work around drunks. However there needs to be a line drawn somewhere. You should not have to tolerate threats. You also shouldn't have to give customers signs of hope they'll ever have a chance as some of the guys suggested. That could lead to even more unwanted advances as I'm sure you're already aware of that. You need to talk to your boss about this if you don't feel safe. Also record the conversation in case something comes up in the future. The boss has a duty to see that their employees are safe in that environment. If something happens to you, then they're partially at fault for not taking more preventive measures.

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    • Usually customers stand up for me when they hear someone being nasty towards me. My boss doesn't want this either as things can escalate. It's tough for a woman to be around losers like that. My boss also tells me not be too quick to call the police either, so I feel a little frustrated.

    • Your boss is more concerned about filling his pockets than protecting his employees. I'd keep putting out job applications if it were me.

What Guys Said 20

  • Avoid them lol they are losers that can't handle rejection. Wrote a take on this
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a29185-men-learn-to-take-rejection-with-a-smile

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  • Well I have heard female bartenders discuss such things in the past. I have even personally heard a guy compliment a female bartender's breasts. These women just usually say that they are tough and able to handle these things though they probably find it difficult in reality. Just try to remember that you are relatively safe in a crowded bar. If the customer gets too pushy you can always talk to the bouncer or the manager I am sure.

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  • Completely and totally ignore them. Don't even look.

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  • Just smile and get on with it, then keep an eye out with a new job. Be fake as fuck and the more fake happiness you put out the less bad this situation will become.

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  • pro tip, keep your customers around by kicking rude morons out. they'll make a little club, and drive out all the other customers. if they're pissing you off, they're probably pissing other women off in the bar.

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  • You've to be fake around them that's what you can do...,,
    And after working hours look for another comfortable job coz you can't handle that for long

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  • Ignore them, smile back at them, and if u can record some of them just to have a proof, or a friend that heard it.
    Just in case👌🏼

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  • I always see bartenders answer with few word responses. It helps to have a smile on your face and at least acknowledge them.

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  • if he pushes too hard. he'll receive the majority of any embarrassment or any physical harm. just under react and keep you distance like you said.

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  • why would random customers insult and threaten you? what have you done to them?

    i´d tell the guy that it´s not your fault that he likes you.

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  • Tell them you're lesbian

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  • Is there a bouncer? When they threaten you then I think it's time for them to go.

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    • My boss is the problem here. She doesn't want any drama with a customer. We have to endure the harassment.

    • She sounds like a shitty boss to be honest.

  • Can't the bouncer do something?

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  • do what you're doing now

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  • Tell him you're not interested but maybe later you might be

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  • Serve them water.

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  • Just ignore them

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  • I think you should tell your boss about it. I don't know what the law is in your country, but in many places people aren't expected to be subject to such behaviour and harrassment whilst at work, even if it is from the public. Your boss might not want to lose custom, but if the law is clear and regularly applied in your country, then your boss would be more concerned about losing his license to vend alcoholic beverages than losing a few arsehole customers.

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  • Make funny jokes about them mentally

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  • I don't know. Sounds like you're insulting them, though. There's no other way to take it but personally.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I would be thinking about finding another job. the owner seems to care less about your feelings. men like this are plentiful in this environment. my best advice would be to look as unattractive as possible without being downright nasty. of course, this could hurt your tips. just ride it out the best you can. since there isn't an HR department you can run to, you do not have a great deal of power. if you feel your safety is in jeopardy, you can ask some of your guy friends to come around and the bouncer to walk you to your car.

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  • There is no way you should have to put up with customers insults especially if they are threatening you whether jokingly or otherwise you are not there for their entertainment you are doing your job, i would speak to my boss about it, your health will suffer eventually because of the stress and you may have to take time off, it's all fine and good maintaining a cool and calm polite exterior but you need to be honest of what this whole situation is doing to you internally, you are providing a service to customers in a polite way you should not nave to deal with their rubbish, you could also speak to one of the bouncers maybe thay could have a word with these jerks.

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  • I'm a bartender too and I hear this shit too much. It's annoying and I wish that some guys would just learn to get rejected without insulting or threatening me. Even if it's "in jest".

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    • Bars attract certain type of people. Some of them are quite nice and some are the asshole kind. I'm dealing with the kind that I avoid in real life. If I'm busy and looking slightly serious '' ''Why are you looking like that? Do you have something against me?'' or the ''You don't know who I am and what I'm capable of''. How do you deal with these assholes? What's the best strategy?

  • ignore them

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  • Talk to the body guard to defend you. Sick fucks / loonies are every where including here.

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  • Threaten to call the police and I'm sure they'll back off. In most workplaces, that shit isn't tolerated.

    However, make sure you're armed with pepper spray/something to defend yourself. People are crazy

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  • Ignore them and tell them you are a lesbian

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  • How would you deal with people like this on a regular basis? Outside of your job?

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    • I would avoid, ignore or block them. Unfortunately I can't do any of these things at work. I have to remain polite. Some have anger management issues, I don't want to cause a scene and call the police.

    • Say you have a boyfriend or just ignore them. If things escalate you to get the police involved for harassmental

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